Here's the speel, and i'm going to shorten it as much as I can.
When i was 21 (4 years ago) I was engaged to the father of my son. We had been together for 3 years, we had overcome alot of hurdles in our relationship. From other women, other men, fights, a short drug habbit, pulling each other out of these situations, and teaching one another to be better people. After we had our son things slowed down significantly. We got engaged when i was 20, and when i hit 21 things seemed just too slow. I wanted to party, i wanted to live a crazier life like the one we had lived before. I needed to grow up. So i regrettably dumped him, and heartlessly left him all alone. Before you feel so bad for him, you have to understand it happened within a 4 month spurt, and those 4 months have been on my mind for the last 3.5 years.
Fast forward some, several short boyfriends later, alot of growing up happening. Learning how the world works without him being the middle man between me and the world around us. I learned alot of what I had done wrong, and that not every man would bend over backwards for his sig other. Now in this 4 years, several times I have tried to fix what I had broken, and sometimes he would entertain the thought for a few days and ultimately decide I had hurt him too bad. Against what my heart wanted, i decided it was time to move on. Several boyfriends, flings, whatever later. I met my current fiance. It wasn't love at first sight. But more of a comfortable thing. I care for him, i love him but it doesnt hold a flame to my prior fiance. He's not a bad guy, he's just not the man I saw myself with. Hes a typical gamer/take care of me guy. Very much so like I am his mother, not his fiance. But i've adjusted to it. However haven't ever been able to just drop the memories and thoughts of my ex. I'm trying to move on with my life, but the truth is I know where I want to be. I understand I just sound like a horrible person. But really I just don't know which way to turn. The problem is now my ex fiance, after 4 years has started insinuating that he wants to rekindle what we had lost. As it is something I have dreamed, cried, and obsessed over for the last 4 years, my heart is skipping beats.
Recently my father passed away who my mother had been divorced from for the last 10 years and she confided in me that she was still madly in love with him and kicked herself for not trying to mend their relationship, and that she will never love a man like she loved him. That her current relationship doesn't hold a flame to what they had togeher but she loves my current step father.
I guess my question is, should I go back in time, and fix what I had broke. But in the midst break anothers heart? Or should I just let it be? Should i follow my heart on a possibility? I have entertained the thought, thus i feel already guilty. But I really need advice. Perhaps anyone who has gotten back with an ex after several years, was it good/bad?
Thank you for reading this.