Is confidence REALLY that "sexy"...

[Love'sReject]

How do you figure that confidence is "exaggerated self-confidence"?...



I don't know how I got you so confused, I made it fairly clear that women don't want trainwrecks. You are talking about the complete opposite end of the spectrum:

trainwreck -------------------------------------------- "average" -------------------------------------------- Adonis


How many more theories and rants are you going to create before you actually do something with your life? Tick tock, you're wasting time.

Psychology.

I am doing something with my life and try to be a better guy everyday but you guys don't know what it's like having nothing in common with anyone and being ignored all the time.

[Love'sReject]

I think you have "confident" and "cocky" mixed up here. A confident person has dimension, doubts, and can definitely say they're uncertain, but they also have no problem saying it when it applies, whether it be to a person or a group. A cocky guy knows everything, is everything, and never backs down, no matter how wrong he may be.

You say you're a shut in, so I think you might be very lacking in social experience to determine the difference between the two. Cocky guys get women, sure, but they can't hold onto a woman. Confident guys also get women, but they have no problem keeping the women they want. (and want them)

I think you're completely right. But I've never seen a confident guy admit he made a mistake or act like he's anything less than a god.

[Hotaru]

Psychology.

I am doing something with my life and try to be a better guy everyday but you guys don't know what it's like having nothing in common with anyone and being ignored all the time.

Yeah, no one else in the world was at the concert you attended, no one else likes to read, no one else is in college, you're an island. xD

You're insecure...and you cope by being arrogant. That's an interesting one, I've seen it before but it still amuses me.

Tick tock, tick tock.

I think you're completely right. But I've never seen a confident guy admit he made a mistake or act like he's anything less than a god.

Still confusing the two...

[Love'sReject]

Yeah, no one else in the world was at the concert you attended, no one else likes to read, no one else is in college, you're an island. xD

You're insecure...and you cope by being arrogant. That's an interesting one, I've seen it before but it still amuses me.

I'll succinctly describe the literary taste of my peers: Dan Brown paranoid historical fiction nonsense, Twilight, The Hunger Games, The Bro Bible and manga.

[vashti]

Don't be such a snob! I'm reading The Hunger Games right now, and I am really enjoying it.

[Hotaru]

Statement still stands, you're just proving my point.

You aren't a special snowflake, get over yourself. If you weren't such a negative nag, you might be more enjoyable to be around. Who cares if someone wants to read Twilight? I'd never dump a guy/friend over something that doesn't cause me harm and makes them happy. So what if I think it's tripe? Just leave them alone. The fact that you are so judgmental might have something to do with why people don't want to be around you offline, no one wants to be around someone who critiques everything from what they read to how they breathe.

Now, if the person is genuinely exhibiting traits that bother you, that's an entirely different issue. Right now, you're judging people based on what book they're reading or music they like. Generalizations are for stupid people who can't be bothered to think for themselves.

And thank you vash for proving my point. I've read a few manga and while it's not my favorite thing, I can appreciate it for what it is. My ex used to be a total snob but he's finally relaxing about things and he's a lot easier to be around as a result.

[Love'sReject]

Don't be such a snob! I'm reading The Hunger Games right now, and I am really enjoying it.

Lol, no offense meant, vash.

[Love'sReject]

Statement still stands, you're just proving my point.

You aren't a special snowflake, get over yourself. If you weren't such a negative nag, you might be more enjoyable to be around. Who cares if someone wants to read Twilight? I'd never dump a guy/friend over something that doesn't cause me harm and makes them happy. So what if I think it's tripe? Just leave them alone. The fact that you are so judgmental might have something to do with why people don't want to be around you offline, no one wants to be around someone who critiques everything from what they read to how they breathe.

Now, if the person is genuinely exhibiting traits that bother you, that's an entirely different issue. Right now, you're judging people based on what book they're reading or music they like. Generalizations are for stupid people who can't be bothered to think for themselves.

And thank you vash for proving my point. I've read a few manga and while it's not my favorite thing, I can appreciate it for what it is. My ex used to be a total snob but he's finally relaxing about things and he's a lot easier to be around as a result.

The problem is: How am I going to relate to kids who prefer things of less substance? I mean, there are so many better things out there yet kids are wasting their time with that stuff?

[Hotaru]

The problem is: How am I going to relate to kids who prefer things of less substance? I mean, there are so many better things out there yet kids are wasting their time with that stuff?

That's just your opinion. You use literature to feel superior. Others read it for enjoyment. People aren't the books they read, the music they listen to, the clothes they wear. And people evolve, they grow. Who I was at 19 is entirely different from who I am now. I'm even different from who I was at 22. You need to learn to lighten up and have fun and not the kind of "fun" that comes from feeling superior. Listen to what others have to say, learn from them. If you're smart, you'll never stop learning and not just from books that the public accepts as classics.

[Love'sReject]

..I know. It's just really hard living in a time one feels extremely out of place in.

Of course I use literature to try to feel superior: It wouldn't be fair if I didn't have one advantage or superior quality compared with those other kids who get cool jobs, hot girls and nice cars. If they also had better taste than me, I'd go kill myself. It's all I have.

[Hotaru]

You make yourself feel that way. In your mind, you are so terribly different when you really aren't. You see the negative in people, you don't see any positives. Barring that, I could have a conversation with you no problem. I think you'd like my friends, too, if you could appreciate each one for who he or she is. Note: I don't befriend people I feel are stupid. I also don't limit myself to snobs. Some of them are great comedians, some are genuinely good people with kind hearts, some are fiercely loyal, etc.. There are people just like them all over the country and you could find them yourself if you stopped focusing on what they're lacking because you're lacking something yourself. You've expressed anger over being excluded, too. You are essentially doing the same thing that you feel is being done to you. It's a vicious cycle.

You aren't supposed to be rigid, you're supposed to teach others and learn from the people around you. My ex used to be a real music snob and it was a pain in the ass. If I showed him a song that I liked, he'd usually knock it. And I knew why; he wanted to feel unique and superior so he tended to like music that was specifically less popular. He doesn't act like that anymore. He said he learned to just relax and allow yourself to enjoy whatever it is you like. So now, sometimes, a popular song will come on and he'll find himself listening to it. He still likes less popular genres but the time he spends ranting about something that doesn't even cause him real harm has been cut drastically and he tends to be more content. We don't share everything - I still can't get him to read fiction for the life of me - but it's fine, we don't immediately discount one another as a result.

Bringing this back around to confidence...finding it in yourself to enjoy life without being constantly mad, sad, or terrified is sexy. It's not about being an Adonis or stone cold, it's about being a functioning adult who has his head screwed on straight. No one is going to want to pick up the pieces for you every time you crack or listen to you rant and rave and complain every day. My friends deal with me being sad and frustrated but they don't have to deal with me being these things every day on such a screwed up level that I'm a burden.

[IndiReloaded]

The problem is: How am I going to relate to kids who prefer things of less substance? I mean, there are so many better things out there yet kids are wasting their time with that stuff?

For goodness sake. You come *here* and this place isn't exactly Intellect Central. Do you do anything just for fun? You don't know this yet, but it sucks to be 'smart' all the time. Trust me, you don't want to be constantly 'On' like this all the time.

[Hotaru]

For goodness sake. You come *here* and this place isn't exactly Intellect Central. Do you do anything just for fun? You don't know this yet, but it sucks to be 'smart' all the time. Trust me, you don't want to be constantly 'On' like this all the time.

^^^

This, so much. I used to be like that and it meant being negative a lot of the time. Gotta chill out before you give yourself a heart attack.

[Love'sReject]

For goodness sake. You come *here* and this place isn't exactly Intellect Central. Do you do anything just for fun? You don't know this yet, but it sucks to be 'smart' all the time. Trust me, you don't want to be constantly 'On' like this all the time.

I USED to go out, until I started getting ditched on a regular basis (and dropped a number of friends because they can't be trusted and are wasting their lives with pot).

[IndiReloaded]

Not sure what you mean by 'going out', but there are plenty of things to do that are fun, interesting and will allow you to meet people.

Meetup clubs, martial arts, reading in a public place (libraries, coffee shops), adult hobby classes (cooking, languages, arts). Just figure out what you want and then do things that move you in that direction.