Ex Broke Up with me before the Holidays to Move to Colorado... in March.

[love&otherdrugs]

So, let me lay out the story, because it just doesn't all make sense without the details. I know it's long, but I won't get real answers unless I fill you in on what's going on, so PLEASE bear with me, because I really need some outside-perspective advice!

November 2nd was Jake*'s birthday. Not only did I help plan a house party with all his friends on that night, but I surprised him with a segway tour ride for two the next day. He was so excited to learn how to ride around on the machine, and we had an amazing time.

The following weekend, Jake and I spent an amazing weekend together. From a cuddle-and-move night on Friday after a long week of work, to a hockey-game date night on Saturday complete with appetizers, pazookies, and drinks at BJs brewery afterwards, to a football and pre-Thanksgiving feast with all of our friends on Sunday and a little mid-afternoon intimate rendezvous, we had an amazing time, and went to bed all smiles, cuddling and carefree.

The next morning, he woke up and kissed me goodbye before he left (I have a late start on Mondays, and consequently get to sleep in later than him). We went about our normal Monday routines, and I called him after a night class to see how he was doing, around 7 PM. We talked for a minute, and he said he'd call me later that night after we were both done watching our shows, having dinner, and what not.

I ended up watching a movie with my roommate, and didn't see his text and missed call until an hour or so after he sent them. The text read, "Give me a call when you get a sec. I have some bad news :-("

When I got it, I thought maybe he lost his job, something had to have happened to a family member, who knows. I call, and my heart dropped as I heard him start his (obviously-planned) sentence.

"Babe, I love you so much, and I'm so sorry... You're beautiful, funny, kind, smart... I just don't think it's going to work out."

I sat there in disbelief. Jake and I had just celebrated our one-year anniversary in early October... and just over a month later, after writing me a handwritten letter telling me how much he loved me and was glad I was his "partner in crime" and "other half", he was breaking up with me... over the phone?!

I even asked him why he was doing it over the phone when we were face-to-face not even 24 hours beforehand. He claimed that he had to do it over the phone because when we first discussed his moving to CO and whether or not we were going to work it out in September, he was trying to break up with me, but that he "caved" because I was "a good debater."

Jake ended it that night, because he's moving to Colorado in March, and wants his "independence." I tried to fix the relationship, in hopes that he was just ending things out of fear for the unforeseen future and worry that it would be hard to work out long distance (I'm in Texas). But, he said he forgot how much he enjoyed being single and not having the responsibility of having to answer to, or consider another person.

I was one of the most laid-back girlfriends I have ever seen. I was there for him when he want/needed me, but I let him do his thing, and I did my own. He even admitted that I was an amazing girlfriend the last time we spoke before we ended contact. He had wanted to try the "friends" thing out, and meet up for coffee once every couple of weeks to see how we were both doing and "catch up." I tried, but finally told him I couldn't do it, because every time I was letting myself get riled up on false hopes and wishes of being back with him. We finally cut contact a little over a week ago, when he said HE would contact ME when he felt we were both ready to be friends.

He had deleted his Facebook when he broke up with me. He texted me last Sunday saying, "Hey. I had to get back on FB for some Denver networking. I'm sorry for our call on Thursday, I wish it were easier. That's all. Sorry to bother." I didn't respond for a while, and almost an hour later I finally responded, "Ok, please don't feel the need to update me on things like this."

After that, I blocked his Facebook, and asked one of our mutual friends to get the rest of my things from his place, which I just received this past Saturday. We have had no contact since then, though she told me that he mentioned, "I notice she unfriended me on Facebook..." to her.

Did I mess up here? I'm not trying to be mean, but I just can't seem to get over him, and thought maybe breaking everything, EVERYTHING off would do the trick. Yet I still miss him terribly, and each day I wonder how long until we speak again. Each day I wonder if he's thinking of me and if he misses me. I feel like I'm going crazy.

Why did he care that I blocked him off of Facebook, when we had agreed on not communicating any longer? Why did he tell me he loved me only to break up with me a month later for a move that won't even happen until early March?

** OH, and best part of the whole Facebook ordeal? He claimed he got back online for Denver networking, right? My friends have yet to see him post, like, or add anything on Facebook. He switched his relationship status, changed his profile picture to just him, but has kept all the other picture of us up... then complained to one of my friends about me un-friending/blocking him.

Someone, anyone, please shed some light and share your wisdom/experience. Love obviously makes you blind, and I'm finding it so hard to see through the fog lately.

[RipVanWinkleX]

O.o first rule of breaking up, never do it over the phone. That was a dick move he did. If he really did have feelings for you, he would of talked to you face to face. It sounds like he was using you.

[love&otherdrugs]

I thought it was a dick move, as well. I even asked him why he was doing it over the phone when we were face-to-face not even 24 hours beforehand. He claimed that he had to do it over the phone because when we first discussed his moving to CO and whether or not we were going to work it out in September, he was trying to break up with me, but that he "caved" because I was "a good debater." I wasn't trying to debate... I was trying to save a relationship and a partner I truly cared about and loved. So he basically admitted that he was too cowardly to do it in-person.

[RipVanWinkleX]

What a lucky guy. To have someone who would fight for him. Why did he move? Because of a job or family? Or do you even know?

[love&otherdrugs]

What a lucky guy. To have someone who would fight for him. Why did he move? Because of a job or family? Or do you even know?

Thank you, I guess he was lucky, but I only see myself as an idiot for fighting for someone who doesn't want what I do, apparently.

He hasn't moved yet. He's still here in Texas. He's planning on moving in March when his lease on his house is up. He has an idea of marketing/advertising jobs that he wants to try and transfer to, but no job set there. His family is actually in Michigan, but the only thing I can think of that's really pushing him toward CO is that a couple of his highschool/college friends are moving there, as well. The difference? His childhood friend is BRINGING his girlfriend. I even offered to transfer my course over to a college in Colorado or buy tickets ahead of time to visit as much as possible until I could permanently move there, but although he liked that idea in September, when I re-mentioned it in November, he wasn't so keen on it.

[RipVanWinkleX]

Have you talked to him face to face since the break up? I think that would be the best course of action. Get some closer before he leaves. Ask him if he has or had feelings for you. Make sure to write questions down for him before you talk to him.

If he does not want to talk to you face to face, then I don't he is worth the trouble.

[love&otherdrugs]

Have you talked to him face to face since the break up? I think that would be the best course of action. Get some closer before he leaves. Ask him if he has or had feelings for you. Make sure to write questions down for him before you talk to him.

If he does not want to talk to you face to face, then I don't he is worth the trouble.

That was great advice. Actually, during this whole breakup episode, I received notification that my stepmom in CA had a few strokes. The stress piled up so high that I eventually was so overwhelmed I seeked professional help and started seeing a therapist. She gave me the same advice to gain closure.

He broke up with me that Monday night, and we saw eachother in person two days later on Wednesday. BAD IDEA. Things were so raw. I asked for one last kiss, so my memory of our last kiss wasn't me sleeping and dilusional. Other than that, I had gained no closure.

So, a few weeks later, when my therapist suggested writing the questions down I needed answered and asking him to speak, I did just that. I couldn't speak with him face-to-face this time, though. We ended up speaking on the phone and getting these questions answered. He was very willing to speak with me face-to-face, and even agreed to get coffee and/or dinner while we spoke. I changed my mind, though, and felt it would be too painful to meet up with him in-person. I also felt like he wouldn't tell me the truth in person.

I asked him if he desired his independence and single life over me and our relationship. He said yes. I asked if he fell out of love with me. He hesitated, but finally said "Yeah, I guess." I then asked if he would rather be single and independent instead of being with me and trying to make our relationship work. He got annoyed and called that "a shitty ultimatum," but then said yes he would rather be single.

[RipVanWinkleX]

Yea, he is not worth it. It's not a shitty ultimatum since he has already chose to leave in the first place.

I am seeking a therapist of my own. The reason I say that is because I can kinda of understand what you are going though. I just moved away from Dallas to live with my parents since the fiance left me, took our son, and started to live with her "gay" friend. It that is a long story in it's self. But, I understand where you are trying to make a relationship work but the partner does not want it to work. I was forced to move on... though in the wrong way because of depression.

Though, I can't see a therapist till the 2nd of January because I have no money to pay for one

You are just going to have to move on... that's all I really can say. He chose his path. There will be more and better guys out there for you. But for now just rest.

[love&otherdrugs]

You're right. I know I need to move on. I don't know why these questions and "I wonder"s keep coming up left and right. I guess because I'm 1.5 weeks through of not speaking with him, and the longer we go without talking, the more "real" and final it becomes to me? Who knows. Thank you for your advice.

[Maple1714]

I know you are hurting right now, but to me it sounds like he just really wasn't that in to you....especially since he isn't actually moving for a couple months. He may have even met someone else he is talking to or knows someone he wants to date in CO. I live in Denver actually...so many young guys move here bc there is opportunity here. Opportunity to meet tons of young women and find a job. There are a lot of people in their 20-30's here. He just sounds like he wants ready to settle and isn't ready to be in a committed relationship. He realized this and broke things off with you. I am sure he cares about you, but he wasn't/isn't really in love with you. I am sorry you will find someone else....someone better for you.

[love&otherdrugs]

Thank you for the encouragement. It does hurt now, but I feel go in and out of finding strength knowing that I am better off. I made the mistake of "snooping" onto his Facebook profile through a friend's account (since I blocked him on mine), and saw that he had gone out to sing at open-mic last night, then friended a new girl who was also out at that open-mic. It could mean nothing, it could mean everything, but in either case, it shouldn't be my issue anymore, and I am trying to focus on not cyber-stalking his business and keeping tabs on him anymore, because lord knows it hurt when the realization that he has the freedom to go out and meet new women (which it seems like he's doing) hit me for the first time. I was so busy focusing on trying to accept our breakup and move on that I never considered that possibility.

[Maple1714]

Yeah, it sucks. He is using the move to CO as an excuse to break up. Seems he just didn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, and that's fine. Now you are free to go out and meet someone who does want a relationship with you! Break-ups are painful...they can hurt a lot, but it happens for a reason and I believe that reason is to free you up to meet someone better!