he slept with my sister for a yr.i forgave him.almost two yrs later says hes confused

[meg2119]

me and my husband have been together for almost 9 yrs. we have two kids 7 and 4. almost 2 yrs ago i caught him in bed with my sister (6 yrs younger) the affair lasted about a year.
i agreed to try to work it out. about 3 months ago he became distance and hanging out with his friends more. he said his guilt for what he did is what hes struggling with. the beginning of nov he asked me and the kids to move out of our apartment and move in with my dad.he was not open to other options or willing to stop contact with his work friend's roommate, jill.
he bought her flowers Halloween night and had been sleeping at their house on and off for two weeks.
we have been separated for almost a month now.he says hes not sure if a divorce is the right thing.he says he misses and still loves me. but i need him to give up jill and he says its not about her its about how he hurt me with my sister and that he feels like he doesn't deserve me. hes not willing to give jill up for me but he says hes still confused. why would he tell me he loves and misses me but not willing to fight for us like i have? why wouldnt he just say i dont want to be with you instead of playing mind games? please help!

[basilandthyme]

Meg, I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your husband is a liar and a cheat - not to mention selfish. Throwing you and the kids out of the apartment when he's the one who's been cheating is unbelievable. He'd prefer to have the kids uprooted than do it himself. As far as why he's doing the mind games...I bet it's because he hopes that you'll still be there patiently waiting if/then this affair is over.

About the only thing he's got right is that he doesn't deserve you. You deserve someone far better!

My best advice is to see a divorce attorney.

[RipVanWinkleX]

I agree. If the bastard wants to throw the kids out of the house... that's just ****ing wrong! As a father myself, I would not throw away my son for some girl! If I had the choice between a girl and my son I would always choose my son first. Your husband is a jackass. I am sorry, I am just pissed about guys like that... It hurts me.

[Fruitsss]

thats not a men. but a pig and a dog.

i dont see any kind of sign of a men that love or even care to save a relationship.
cause people that wants that would be fighting to do it at home and in therapy with u. not at the house of other woman again.

and its disturb me to see that he trow u and the kids out? thats not okay. stupid of u to agree.
whatever happen u and the kids need to stay at the house he need to get out.
thats soooooooooooooooooo rude and wrong.

get some backbone and show that pig the door,
i think he just wants to sleep around and not interested in marry and faithful.
his actions are showing more that he wants to mess around as much as possible.

and your sister is a whore! she dont deserve to be around u.

maybe u need more time think about what is good for you and the kids.

i would say it takes 2 to go tango. and a men saying he is sorry but put u out of your own house with his kids
and move to the next whore , doesnt look like a men that need to be taken back.
he dont stop or do anything in the right direction.

[Fruitsss]

and somebody telling you they love u and stuff doesnt mean they do.
many people use that to calm the other down or make them think that so they can keep fooling them
love yourself first. and u will see when somebody love u or trying to fool u.

if u see that its not love u dont have to believe it just cause he said it.people can lie 2. remember???!

[aforester]

It seems you've tried your best hun, but he isn't having it. You're not a quitter for considering divorce. Honestly, you accepted him after a one year fling with your SISTER!? Congratulations on that patience and love, but it looks like he doesn't love you. He may say otherwise, but his actions reveal something else.

[Guybrush]

he says its not about her its about how he hurt me with my sister and that he feels like he doesn't deserve me.

So he pretends to feel guilty and claims to be "struggling" in order to pose as a victim too? I'm sorry but that is just pathetic. Add that to the fact that he still has the nerve to claim that he loves and misses you. I am speechless...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Meg, I feel sorry for you with the whole cheating on you with the sister thing. You're a ****ing moron for letting it go beyond that. He shouldn't have been able to kick you and the kids out because you should have left him. You are the pathetic one. You're still not even sure if you want a divorce. I feel really sorry for your kids..they have two complete idiots for parents.

Divorce the guy. Today if you can. Idiot.

[Wakeup]

me and my husband have been together for almost 9 yrs. we have two kids 7 and 4. almost 2 yrs ago i caught him in bed with my sister (6 yrs younger) the affair lasted about a year.
i agreed to try to work it out. about 3 months ago he became distance and hanging out with his friends more. he said his guilt for what he did is what hes struggling with. the beginning of nov he asked me and the kids to move out of our apartment and move in with my dad.he was not open to other options or willing to stop contact with his work friend's roommate, jill.
he bought her flowers Halloween night and had been sleeping at their house on and off for two weeks.
we have been separated for almost a month now.he says hes not sure if a divorce is the right thing.he says he misses and still loves me. but i need him to give up jill and he says its not about her its about how he hurt me with my sister and that he feels like he doesn't deserve me. hes not willing to give jill up for me but he says hes still confused. why would he tell me he loves and misses me but not willing to fight for us like i have? why wouldnt he just say i dont want to be with you instead of playing mind games? please help!

Well how you're feeling must be pretty hopeless so I'll empathize with that and I'll agree with basilandthyme that he's an asshole however lets take a look at the reality of it all: Are you still sleeping with him?

While I'm waiting for you to answer I'll tell you that I can't even fathom why you would take back a man that would sleep with your sister or, that you would have anything further to do with a sister that would betray you in such a way. That being said you can either be congratulated for your ability to be very Jesus-like in your martyrdom or committed for your insane inability to leave a man (and your inability to not want anything else to do with him no matter how much it hurt you to leave him) that could disrespect you so.

... So: Are you still sleeping with him? If you are then stop and do your best to get help with your fear of being without he who is garbage an help with getting an outright divorce so that you can start to get over someone like him.. Choose a good lawyer and go see your family doctor to get a referral to speak to someone that will help you to stop falling for bullshit like this man has spewn to you during your entire married life. Lawyer and doctor are both good places for you to start to remedy this situation.

P.S. What's with the poll? is that you Iaman?

[desktop]

I'm jumping in here with the rest—the guy is scum. Here I am at age 52 and I've been trying to find a good woman and have my own family for decades and this guy has all of that and he throws it away. The next time he says, "I don't deserve you", you say, "You're damn right you don't—I deserve better!"