I don't know where to turn to. I'm absolutely at a loss in my life.
I met my husband when I was 15. I fell pregnant almost instantly, and we have a 5 year old child together. We moved in together when I was 17 (he always support me) and life was good I suppose. Fast forward a few years, I had an affair. I was 19, I didn't feel like I got the attention I desperately needed. Naive of me, yes. I told him, I sat with him for hours and poured my heart out... It was a physical affair, with an old friend. He decided to "forgive and forget", and so we went on. I had this instinct all wasn't right, turns out it wasn't! He had since we got together (before, actually!) been speaking with numerous girls, emotional affair if you will. Now, this knocked me sideways and I self harmed, tried to take an overdose and completely screwed me up. 3 weeks after finding out about his "affair", I found out I was pregnant, I'd conceived just days before I found all the emails etc.
I said we would work on it, I was pregnant and we owed it to our kids. Now, I had my moments of locking myself away for hours crying about how I weren't good enough. He always helped me through it though. Then I kept finding other stuff out, friend requests from girls he told to go away etc and I said he had to tell me everything. But I was slowly starting to move on, our second child is 9months old and I am 10 weeks pregnant with our third.
But I am wobbling again, because we were making love around 2 weeks ago, and we were done and I said "oh, you haven't you know..." And he said yeah he couldn't do it... That wasthe last time he came near me, until we argued last night over me going to see my friend for a coffee for 90minutes (I was too long) and he let me make it up to him, with oral. But he decided it would be apt to watch porn on his mobile, whilst I gave it him!!! He released himself and he went off to bed.
I have been banging my head... It's killing me. Is he cheating again? Or is it me?
Any ideas? I'm so angry with him, when I told him why, he laughed in my face and "playfully" slapped me across the face (it wasn't playful at all, it damn hurt!) but why the porn? I feel really neglected, not just sex but cuddle/kiss etc he isn't interested in me. But I don't know if its just me he isn't interested in or if he has someone else to be interested in???
Please help me, I'm 21, 3rd baby on the way and feel like killing myself...