So. it's over right?

[Hotaru]

What about his behavior indicates he's trying to control her? My Grandfather was 11 years older than my Grandmother and the idea of him "controlling" her is hilarious. She ran the household with an iron fist and he never had a problem with it once. Meanwhile, I know a man who is only 4 years older than his spouse and he most definitely controls her.

If anything, the OP is attempting to do her fair share of "controlling". He's invited her out several times now and she's found a reason to complain every time. Yet, she texts him once and expects him to jump that very night. Would you do that? After being shut down several times, would you come running when called?

[searock]

Well I texted him today "hey I miss you." He says "aww I miss you too we should do something tomorrow or you can come to a party w/me tmrw night".

Instead of keeping over-analyzing, you should have replied: "I was actually hoping we could spend some time alone, just you and me. How about dinner instead?". Don't wait for him to do everything. Tell him what you want.

[Cerby]

Well I texted him today "hey I miss you." He says "aww I miss you too we should do something tomorrow or you can come to a party w/me tmrw night". Which doesn't really sound sincere :/ And what's he doing tonight that's more important??

The leopard shows her spots right here. I see now that what you want is to be chased by him, you want him to put himself aside to meet your needs. Instead of being happy he wanted to see you, you question his motives and why he isn't available to meet your needs tonight. I change from seeing a naive woman to seeing a bit of manipulation on your part. You WANT to play games, but he isn't playing by the rules you want him to. Therefore he isn't interested by your definition.

It's not really what I want to do....how are we gonna talk about anything at a party with his friends there and everyone drinking.

Would you expect him to not go to the party and be with you instead? If you don't want to go, then don't, but don't expect him to change his plans because it doesn't work for you.

I don't feel comfortable around them because when I went to his place the first time we were asleep on the couch and his roommates came in drunk talking about me like I wasn't even there, making real sleazy comments. It was a red flag because if his friends treat girls like that then maybe that's how he viewed girls too...which is why I haven't had sex with him yet.

Sounds like standard guy talk to me. Assuming that is how he treats women because of what his roommates said while drunk is a hell of an assumption.

So....I should have texted asking him to dinner but I didn't because I want HIM to want to talk to me one on one because he misses me and hasn't seen me in a week.....not just invite me to hang out at a party when he knows I don't really drink, have to be at work sunday morning, feel out of place with his friends.....

You should have asked him to dinner, but you're pretty much saying you want HIM to do the work and ask you because he misses you? You won't get this from any confident, self-respecting guy. All you did was say "Hey I miss you", and he extended the olive branch by asking you to come to a party with him. You're bouncing that idea because it wasn't good enough, even though you have completely disregarded the advice here about making your intentions clear.

He doesn't really care that much right? I should just let it go......

Are you just here for us to tell you this? Is this what you want to hear?

CALL HIM, Don't text him, and ask him out for dinner. Tell him you're interested in pursuing a relationship and would like to see him again. Stop playing games.

[bmarquis]

Haha I'm plenty mature for someone his age, maybe even more mature because I know you can't be in a relationship with someone if you don't actually know them and after two weeks sure he asked me to be his girlfriend but we sure as hell didn't know each other yet. I know relationships require compromise but I'm not gonna compromise for someone until I know what we have is genuine and the real deal, otherwise I'm just gonna get walked over. I don't think having high expectations for how you want to be treated when you first start dating someone is prissy or immature at all. Immature would be believing everything he told me no questions, compromising my values, sleeping with him falling hard and then crying over it when he dumped me. And he IS 28 and I'm only 21, and I know lots of guys think they can take advantage of younger girls so again, that's why I was being cautious. I like him so much and see so much potential that I want to take it slow, do things right, and I'm not gonna tell him things that I don't actuaLly feel, couldn't possibly feel after so little time. I've left out some things to avoid this becoming a novel but I am definitely not the one playing games here. I don't even like birthdays but it came up that mine was right around the corner and from day one he made a big deal about it. I told him several times please don't get me anything. So he decides he's going to take me to this really nice restaurant to celebrate. Every date we have he brings up my birthday plans, makes sure I still want to go. He asks me if I have a lot of jewelry, what I like....again I tell him don't get me anything, going to dinner is just fine. My bday comes, been two days since I heard from him. He's supposed to pick me up at 4. He text me at 230 "still going? I need to leave work in 10 mins".....then he makes up some excuse how if h goes home and showers we'll miss the sunset. So we reschedule for a couple days later. Again, I don't hear from him for two days and he does the same thing, texts me an hour before he's supposed to come get me and says "so you just want to meet there at 4?".....and he's the one that was pushing for this big birthday date to begin with...so that's when I asked if he was still into it and we had the conversation I first posted about. So yeah after that I'm not throwing myself at him, I was really hurt and confused.

[searock]

bmarquis, as you say, HE was always the one initiating everything. Not once did you prove to him that you actually appreciated his efforts - quite the opposite, you refused any attempt of getting closer. No wonder he thinks you aren't interested and backs off. YOU need to show him that you are interested. If you want to spend time alone with him, tell him. It's as simple as that.

[bmarquis]

I didn't assume he treated women that way because of his friends' comments. If I believed that I would have stopped seeing him. I'm just saying that it worried me a little and made me less likely to automatically assume he was a good guy because typically the people you hang out with rub off on you if you're not careful.

I don't "expect" him to do anything for me. I was just making a statement that I don't want to go to a party to see him. To me, if I was crazy about someone and hadn't seen them in a while, yeah I'd drop what I was doing and go see them. It's not a matter of wanting to be chased it's I don't want to put it all out there if he's already moved on or really wasn't that into me to begin with.

Anyways y'all are really giving it to me now so I better go! Thanks everyone for being so honest

[Cerby]

All you need to do is act on what you want. It really is that simple, he is interested, and so are you. Don't make things more complicated than they need to be.

[bmarquis]

Well I told him I wasn't into going to a party and if he already had plans this weekend maybe we can go to dinner or he can come over monday. He saus "today I have plans but I might not go to the party tomorrow. We can do either or both." Don't really know what he meant but then we talked a little bit about christmas plans and I said well if you end up not going saturday let's do something I get done working at4. He says ok sounds good. So of course I don't hear anything from him yesterday or today. Im thinking at this point he's either answering my texts not to hurt my feelings or to seem friendly because he's got me on the back burner as his plan B. I should just stop contacting him now right?

[VincenzoG91]

Yep. The ball is in his court now.

[smackie9]

This is totally casual.....if you are not getting what you want out of this, then move on and stop clinging onto the hope this will blossom into something more serious.

[BennyBillion]

How can none of you see that this guy just wanted to drill?He's playing mind games with you now.You played hard and he wanted it bad enough to stick around long enough to see if he could get you to break.You didn't so his tolerance has been exhausted.He was chasing while you ran knowing you wanted to be caught but he wasn't willing to run as far as you wanted him to so he turns and runs the other way and what happens???You start chasing!!!!It's reverse psychology.If he goes out with you again that booty is his but guess what,you will still end up chasing because you showed your hand and got played into a position that you actually want to be in and he knows it.You will be nothing more than a caterer doing whatever he wants you to in order to keep from losing him because you are showing your weakness by constantly trying to contact him and being willing to give it up.Trust me.I'm not coming down on you at all because you actually beat his game by not giving it up.I know because I have played this game before.I have an expiration date when it comes to dealing with women that I just want to have sex with.After a certain amount of time if we haven't had sex I'M DONE unless I want to be in a relationship with the woman.We wait forever on the ones we want to be with because it shows quality so dont feel bad because you ducked a bullet.You held out long enough to expose him without knowing what you were doing.

[bmarquis]

How can none of you see that this guy just wanted to drill?He's playing mind games with you now.You played hard and he wanted it bad enough to stick around long enough to see if he could get you to break.You didn't so his tolerance has been exhausted.He was chasing while you ran knowing you wanted to be caught but he wasn't willing to run as far as you wanted him to so he turns and runs the other way and what happens???You start chasing!!!!It's reverse psychology.If he goes out with you again that booty is his but guess what,you will still end up chasing because you showed your hand and got played into a position that you actually want to be in and he knows it.You will be nothing more than a caterer doing whatever he wants you to in order to keep from losing him because you are showing your weakness by constantly trying to contact him and being willing to give it up.Trust me.I'm not coming down on you at all because you actually beat his game by not giving it up.I know because I have played this game before.I have an expiration date when it comes to dealing with women that I just want to have sex with.After a certain amount of time if we haven't had sex I'M DONE unless I want to be in a relationship with the woman.We wait forever on the ones we want to be with because it shows quality so dont feel bad because you ducked a bullet.You held out long enough to expose him without knowing what you were doing.

But really? Y'all will go so far as to invite a girl home for christmas to meet your parents just to have sex with her? That sucks. I know the games guys play so from the beginning I was doubtful and I didn't "want to be chased" I wanted to make sure he was sincere. Just turned out the second I started actually believing him was when he disappeared. And the only reason I started falling for it was because he didn't come across as a player, wasn't over the top feeding me lines, not the sort that has girls all over him. He made several comments that made it seem like he was a little insecure. He was quiet, he'd be like god I wish I talked more, I'm usually better when I drink, you're making me nervous bla bla. And he said some things about his body (which there was nothing wrong with) but that also made him sound self conscious. So I just didn't think I'd get played by that kind of guy. You live and you learn though

[VincenzoG91]

I really don't think he was a player, because players don't want you to meet the parents. But he probably has friends who have the player mentality. He was a little too anxious to get the relationship going due to his own insecurity. Then your mixed signals made him anxious enough to seek advice from player friends who mocked him for the sexless sleepovers. Now he seems more cynical about his chances with you.

[smackie9]

You know what, sometimes things start out great, but if one party isn't really feeling it and the feelings haven't progressed for them like they were expecting, depending on the person, will act this way. Oh well you move on.

[asdfg789]

I really don't think he was a player, because players don't want you to meet the parents. But he probably has friends who have the player mentality. He was a little too anxious to get the relationship going due to his own insecurity. Then your mixed signals made him anxious enough to seek advice from player friends who mocked him for the sexless sleepovers. Now he seems more cynical about his chances with you.

i think he was saying things to get her to think he is sincere. he kept talking bout the birthday celebration which never materialized.
this relationship is only 1 month old. i think if he can't wait for sex, it's good that he goes