Hello all,
Last january i was diagnosed with Testicular cancer and had to go through 6 months of chemo. After a few surgeries i am healthy again and cancer free, and hopefully will remain so! however through this process, my girlfriend, 20 yrs old, and of 5 years, has become very depressed. It generally gets worse at night and she is always thinking she is fat, unattractive and worthless. No matter what i do i cant seem to change it, i can come onto her as much as possible, and no matter what i do and how sexy i talk or act or seem turned on by her , she still feels disgusting and hates herself. She cannot get dressed in the morning without spending 30 minutes trying things on just to take them off and state they are too tight for her. Mind you she is 5 foot and 90 lbs, skinny as can be with muscle to boot, she couldnt be skinnier without being anorexic.
Recently its been affecting our relationship, this past semester i have played video games increasingly and got back into karate which i used to do pre cancer (and even pre gf) but now shes told me she just doesnt feel special anymore, that i have this "huge life" that shes no longer a part of, when asked what she meant she said that i go to karate at 6 am twice a week and play video games in spare time. This to me does not seem like a "huge life" to which she is not a part of. While at college i even brought my xbox and such to her room so when i decided to play i didnt even have to be away from her.
I know she is just increasingly needy in this time of depression, as i needed her terribly during my chemo and she was there for me. However now im faced with trying to fix her depression and help her get back on her feet. I was on a course to recovery through treatment so for her to help me was to just sit by my side while i was incapacitated, however she is on no such course to lead to a cure of this depression. It is starting to affect every facet of her life and i dont know how to go about trying to fix it, ive never had this problem before in my life.
She refuses to talk to her family or friends, she wants it to be a secret from everyone, she cares imensly what ppl think about her. she has thought about seeing the college councelor once, however were on break now and next semester isnt for another month and i wanna get on a course before then.
I really love this girl with all my heart and i do anything i can to make her happy, however lately no matter what good i do, the depression wipes out all memories of good by the end of the day and just settles in to wreak havoc on a previously manic and insanely happy girl. I will do anything to help fix her, but i need someones help, i have no idea what is the correct course of action.
she currently started birth control to try to regulate an ovarian cyst that may have ruptured about two months ago, im not sure if that drug causes depression or not, or if there is a hormone unbalance atm which may cause depression. And she has a history of rib inflamation which leads to difficulty breathing somethings or doing strenuous activities, which makes exercise hard which upsets her even more.
If anyone can suggest helpful ideas or hints, i would be forever greatful, i intend to marry this girl, but i have to make sure she makes it there smiling, we really both need eachother.
Thanks