What does he want

[Anodyne80]

A guy at my university has been sending me a lot of signals that he's into me, complementing me and my looks, touching me, hugging me, putting his arms around me, saying sweet things, teasing me, telling how he liked me from the start and a lot more. Before I never really paid any attention because I was in a relationship and I wasn't into him at the time, so I acted indifferent. However since I've broken up I've started to develop feelings for him. He's still sending me signals that he likes me and over the weeks I've grown a bit closer to him. I wanted to invite him over to my house and I really thought he'd like that. Last week I told him he still had to come over to my house, he said that he would come over this week. Now it's this week and I've spoken to him on several occasions but I was a bit scared to ask him when he would be coming over, since I'm quite insecure and shy and he never brought it up. However today I send him a text message to ask him when he wanted to come over. So far he hasn't responded. I don't understand, he really seemed to be into me. Should I phone him instead of waiting for his reply or will that come across as desperate.

[Guybrush]

Well, it does not seem that he is too crazy about the idea of coming to your house. I don't think you should ask him again (twice is more than enough!).

Worst case he is not that interested, but if you feel there is still a spark, maybe it is more tactical to spend more time with him on "neutral ground". Maybe he is just a little intimidated by your invitation, or whatever he thinks is implied by coming to your house.

Sounds like playing it cool for a while is the best approach, keeping it to flirting and perhaps waiting for him to make a move.

[vi_la]

Neutral ground time sounds like a winner. Don't phone him about coming over. Leave it alone for a bit, but keep spending time with him at places you've been together before. The implication of going to your house is ambiguous at best. Maybe he's not that sort of guy. Take it slow and leave your phone alone.

[Anodyne80]

I was being impatient. He (let's call him M) texted me back later that day telling me that it would be cool to come over and we set a date when M would come over later this week. I was really happy ofcourse but now things have changed and I'm very confused (again).

Two days later there was a party at the university, I knew M was coming too. I went to the party with a classmate (a guy friend) of mine (let's call him S). I didn't know wether M was already at the party and S and I decided to first have a drink together at a pub near the party. Than M texted me: Where are you? I took that as a good sign, he wanted to know where I was, he must really want me to be with him at the party. So S and I went back to the party, when we arrived there, I was expecting M to be quite happy to see me, since he just texted me to ask where I was. However his welcome was not very enthousiastic and he acted unlike himself the entire night. First of all, he was hyperactive, dancing like crazy and he was constantly dancing with two other classmates, he hardly said a word to me, but sometimes we would have eyecontact and he would suddenly come up to me and dance with me. Because he was acting so strange I spent some time with my other friend S, we would go out for cigs and dance together.

As the evening progressed M and I would dance more together, but he was still spending a lot of time with another of my classmates. Eventually she wanted to get some food and asked M along, M than asked me if I wanted to grab a bite, I told him no. He told her he wasn't coming with her. Than he said to me that we should have a beer together and than leave. We had beer together and than we walked to the station (20 minute walk), and had a nice time, we walked arm in arm. Since he was coming over the next day he asked me my adress and asked how long the bus would take to my house. At the station we went our own ways and he told me I should text him when I got home.

The next morning I texted him to ask him when he was coming over after school. He texted me back that he would be at school a bit longer and wether he should still come over? I told him, ofcourse, if he still wanted to. A while passed and than he phoned me. He told me that school stuff took longer than usual and that he still had to go work and that someone at school offered him a lift. He asked me if I was waiting for him, I lied (I know stupid!) and said, nah, I was just studying. He said, wow you can study right now? I have a bad headache (probably because of all the alcohol). Anyway I didn't sound to pleased, I felt very dissapointed. I said: Look M, if you don't want to come over to my house, you can just tell me, it's okay. He told me that wasn't the case, he would really like to see my place and where I was crashing now. He said we still had the entire vacation in front of us. I said ok we'll talk later to make an appointment. He asked me again if I wasn't waiting, because I was, he would try to come over, cause he would feel bad. Again, I lied, no, it's ok, don't worry. Than we said goodbye.

I was very dissapointed. I don't think he lied, I now he's very busy and has loads of activities he's involved with. But on the other hand I'm afraid he might just be blowing me of. I know I can act cool and stand offish to him, only because of insecurities, so I decided to text him: Hey M, I was dissapointed that you didn't come over because I was really looking forward to it. So when can you come over? X

This was yesterday, so far I haven't gotten any reply. He always texts or phones me back the same day. I'm really confused. He seemed so eager, and all the things he did and said, al the flirtations seemed to show that he was really into me. Am I just going to fast, am I impatient, or is he just not interested?

[searock]

I think he's playing hard to get for some retarded reason... just stop contacting him and definitely don't ask him to come over (or on a generic date) again. If he's into you, he'll come crawling back.

[Guybrush]

I agree with Searock. Also, the next time you want to meet him at a party, don't come with "S" or any male friend for that sake... That probably made him concerned/jealous.

[searock]

the next time you want to meet him at a party, don't come with "S" or any male friend for that sake... That probably made him concerned/jealous.

Yeah, I thought that too. Maybe that's part of the reason he's resorting to these silly games. Either way, don't ask him out anymore, the ball's in his court now.

[HeartIsAching]

I think he was ticked that you showed up with another guy, and was trying to make you jealous by dancing with other girls and not talking to you.

Totally immature passive-aggressive crap, IMHO.