Why can't I get over my ex?

**emma85** · 23-12-12, 03:17 AM

I broke up with my ex in feb, and cannot get over him!
It was the first relationship where I felt excited to be in one, and I was his first girlfriend.

I was so attracted to him and loved him, there were time when I would be really happy.
Sometimes though, he would be cold and emotionally distant, would withhold affection and give me the silent treatment. He went for counselling to try and resolve some issues as he had a difficult childhood.

In the end, the relationship became so draining on my time and emotions and we broke up. He kept hoping we would get back together and deep down I wanted it too. I had to focus on my studies as I started failing my exams.

I cut him out of my life which was so difficult, removed him from facebook because I could not move on.
A few months ago I contacted him again and he was so happy to hear from me. I suggested we meet up and he agreed. He even texted me after saying he enjoyed the conversation.he told me that still had the pictures of my pets on his computer.

A day before we met up, he texted saying he couldn't meet- and that he didn't know what I wanted from him and what he wanted from me. He wished me luck for the future. He ignored me after that.

I wanted to see him because I missed him and still love him. I was devastated when we broke up, and it is still one one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I also felt really guilty giving up on us.
Why do I find it so hard to let go?

**searock** · 23-12-12, 05:47 AM

Did you tell him that you want to get back together?

**emma85** · 23-12-12, 05:50 AM

I told him, he said 'come up to central london now then'
I had work the next day, I said I could meet him another day.
He said 'its now or never' knowing that I wouldn't be able to go

**emma85** · 23-12-12, 05:51 AM

After our initial conversation he was angry and I think his mum must have advised him not to see me again

**searock** · 23-12-12, 05:55 AM

Hm it seems like he still has feelings for you, but doesn't trust you anymore. You hurt him a lot in the past (even if you didn't want to), and he has built a strong set of defenses in your regards. If you are REALLY set on getting back together with him, you're going to have to prove to him that you'll never hurt him again. Trust is extremely difficult to gain back - sometimes it's just impossible - but I think it's worth a try. Tell him that you want to get back together with him because you still love him, and breaking up with him was one of the biggest mistakes you've ever done. Ask him if you can meet to talk about this in person, suggest a time and place. If he declines the time and place, ask him when it would be OK for him to meet.

**emma85** · 23-12-12, 06:02 AM

He hurt me a lot throughout the relationship. In the end we both kept hurting eachother.

The last time we spoke I said I miss you, I think about you still everyday and I regret the way we left things, I want to get back together to give it another go because I still care for you loads and regret it.
He said that he was still hurt from the things I last said to him- I said that he wasn't supportive with my career etc, or during my exams.
He knows I've finished my exams and I said I knew I was a different person then but have had time to think and I know I was unfair to him at times.
He just gave me an ultimatum- I was to either drop everything to go and see him or not see him at all. Thing is I can't get him out of my mind, its making me feel really down

**emma85** · 23-12-12, 06:07 AM

Just to add: he used to love making me cry (ignoring me) one second then he was nice to me in front of his friends and family. He withheld s** to punish me for reasons I still do not know, I was a loving girlfriend never cheated was supportive of him in every way possible. I thought the least he would have wanted to do was to talk things over- in a way it feels like he's punishing me again by saying he doesn't want to know?

**searock** · 23-12-12, 06:14 AM

So you already told him that you want to get back together, and he didn't move a finger to make it happen? Not only that, but he also treated you like sh*t when you were still together. He sounds manipulative and disturbed. You are better off without him you know... you need to find a way to move on. Have you considered counseling?

**emma85** · 23-12-12, 06:18 AM

I know, I don't understand myself why I could even love someone like that.
Tbh I think its one of the things I need to do to get closure, I've been upset for long enough!

**searock** · 23-12-12, 06:20 AM

Originally Posted by emma85

I know, I don't understand myself why I could even love someone like that.
Tbh I think its one of the things I need to do to get closure, I've been upset for long enough!

I agree. It would help you a lot - also to understand why you are attracted to people like him, and to learn how to not be anymore.

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