does my ex want me back?

[dearsuzan]

Hi Everyone,

My ex and I are coworkers and he broke up with me a few weeks ago. We dated for 3 months and we broke up because I wasn't ready to be in a relationship (it was too soon after my very messy divorce) and I was continuously sabotaging the relationship. I've tried to maintain a decent friendship at work but he was mad at me until recently. A few days ago, he began to act nicely towards me again and began asking me what I was up to, which of my friends I've been seeing, wanting to know my whereabouts, etc. Later that night we had a work function to go to and he wasn't talking to me very much but he made sure that my friend and I ate, he served us tea, would take our plates, grab our coats, etc. By the end of the evening, he turned towards me (i was sitting in the corner away from everyone else playing with one of the children) and stared deep into my eyes - I held his gaze for about a min and I looked away. When we were leaving, he grabbed my coat and held it for me so he can help me put it on. And as I was putting on my scarf, he was staring deep on my eyes for a min again until I looked away.

We didn't talk for a few days until I saw him at work today and he came up to me and apologized for not emailing and checking up on me over the past two days because his internet was not working. He asked me what I've been up to and wanted to know details but I kept it vague. We talked a little about work and he kept smiling at me but in a sweet, shy way and would look down after each smile. In the afternoon, my sisters came to visit me at work and I introduced them to him and he talked to them for about 10 min and all he did was compliment me and tell them how much I loved them and how happy I am when they're around. I also gave him part of his christmas present which was a self help book about relationships and we spent 10min joking about it. He also said that he would keep it next to his bed and read it every night before sleeping. We also talked about family for a little while and how large my extended family is. He asked if I would invite them to my wedding when I get remarried. I said no, I want a city hall wedding and all I want is a photographer. He told me it would be better to get friends who love you to take pictures. Yes, I know... strange random conversation.

Just last week, he told me he wasn't attracted to me anymore and did not have feelings for me but that he cares about me and worries about me. When he said this, he was very mean and angry. But, now something about him has changed - he's nicer. I'm not sure if this means he's slowly forgiving me and is leaning towards giving us another chance or if he's just trying to be a good friend because he knows I've been having a hard time. Any ideas?

[basilandthyme]

Dearsuzan, how he feels is irrelevant if you're too busy sabotaging a relationship because you're not ready for it. That being said, if he wants to give the relationship another try, I'd be questioning his sanity.

Take some time for yourself and heal before you hurt him or anyone else again.

[dearsuzan]

I definitely agree with you. I've started counseling and taking anti-depressants. I've also stopped cutting out my family and friends from my life. So I have been working on myself. If he and I start again, I would want to take things really slowly and carefully. I'm a lot more self aware now and will continue to see my counselor twice a week until all of issues have been addressed.

[basilandthyme]

I think it's great that you've been working on yourself. If he is interested in you, the relationship has a far better chance. Make sure he knows you're getting yourself sorted out - it could make all the difference.

[dearsuzan]

Thanks Basil. He knows. He's made it a point to make sure he knows whats going on with me. I just dont know if there's something that I should do/not do. Some people said that when he was looking at me, he was trying to indicate that he was interested in me but i blew him off by just ignoring it and looking away. I honestly don't know what to do or think - I've never been in a situation like this.

[basilandthyme]

Concentrate on yourself. If he wants to try again, he'll let you know....but trying to analyse what he may want will only do your head in.

[smackie9]

Sometimes people can't see things past their nose you know what I mean? Especially when they are angry and hurt. He may have had someone give him a different perspective on the whole situation. Probably realized that you just need some space, but also some support and understanding. I'm sure he would like to get back with you, but let him worry about that for now. You can't get to that point until you sort yourself out first.

[Alden]

Thanks a lot!!!
I am agree with your reviews...
Thanks for sharing...