Help - engaged & worried

[Burjamin]

Hey all I would love to have outside perspective on my relationship issue. From both guys an girls

I'm 30 years old and have been dating my gf who is currently 24 for nearly 2 years.

I moved into her place in Gosport after two months of seeing her as we were both madly "in love". I work in the financial district of London and commuted 7 hours a day for 6 months.

We then moved closer to London (Kent) and she found a new job much better than her last in London.

Both our families love our partners and late November I told her mum I planned on proposing to her on Christmas day.

During this time she kept a few close friendships going with blokes as the old "I find men easier to be friends with". I'm not a particularly jealous man so this wasn't brought up for some time. I also noticed her texting her ex with a month of moving in, this was mentioned and after a short argument she pretty much stopped contacting him.

Back to current times in the new job I notice she's textin and Facebooking this new friend every day. After much moaning she suggests a joint FB account so I can read the conversations.. (This obviously doesn't help as I now get notifications of this guy asking her out to lunch etc..).

Anyway so o. Christmas morning she unwraps the ring, I propose and it gets accepted. Five minutes later she tells me she kissed another guy at her Xmas party.

WTF.

After a whole morning of pain, I tell her I can forgive her and due to the amount of people I told decide its easier o get engaged anyway. She said it was a stranger, just a kiss and if I hadn't proposed probably would t have come out..

I think I can handle a drunken kiss at the Christmas party.. Should I be worried about these man friends? The main one is engaged as well, but being a bloke myself I jut get why you'd get so close to a girl unless you fancied her??

Please help me.

[smackie9]

OMG yes big mistake! Sounds to me she isn't ready for the big leagues. Marriage is no picnic and I can see her faltering. IMO you should never have proposed, because she has proven she isn't ready for a life time of having the attention of only one person....her husband.

She gets the attention of other blokes because she encourages it....don't be a fool by listening to her bull shit.

[smackie9]

P.S. who cares how many people you told about the engagement. I would be more worried about how many people you need to tell about you getting a divorce.

[AdminOnline]

how could she been so open with other guys after having engaged..?

[Guybrush]

Personally I think that the drunken kiss at the Xmas party may be taken as a sign of more serious future problems than maintaining a friendship with her male friends. It seems that she enjoys male attention too much to be ready for any serious commitment, as Smackie has already pointed out.

To make a further comment, I was also put off by the fact that she had the nerve to tell you about her drunken kiss five minutes after you proposed. How insensitive is that?? You would expect women to cherish this moment, and to respect the fact that this was a big move for you instead of throwing the ultimate mood-killer in your face. Could it be that she wanted to sneak in this little confession of hers at a time when you are too much in love to become upset? Not that it makes the situation any better.

Sorry for being negative.

[smackie9]

Or it could be that she felt since this is a step towards marriage, she felt it necessary to show there are no secret between you two. Some women are like that.

[Fruitsss]

I think u really are digging your own hole.
And fooling yourself.

Cause she gives u very bad signals that she isnt mature or serious about u or faithfulness.
But all u do is ignore it.

If things start like this im shore in a marriage will it be worse.
So your partner need to take you and the relationship serious way before propose and marriage
cause once u r married ,the challenges will challenge you on a higher level.
So if u dont have a good foundation right now, prepare for a divorce if u marry her.

[Fruitsss]

Beside u dont know her long enough to propose.
And its good that she told u that she kissed someone.
But things like r not supposed to even happen.

And is see both of you r not on one level about what is okay or hat the other like or not.
So u need lot more time to get to know her before even propose. But the intention is great.
But maybe its too soon,

[Guybrush]

Or it could be that she felt since this is a step towards marriage, she felt it necessary to show there are no secret between you two. Some women are like that.

Ah, I didn't think of that. In any case, very, very bad timing.

[smackie9]

Another theory is that she wanted to sabotage the engagement, because she is not ready for a proposal. Some people say yes because the proposal is being done in front of others...a lot of pressure there to say yes.

[Burjamin]

Thank you all for the responses, people don't realise how much places like this help people like me carry on with life.

As an update we're still engaged, we've had a big talk about it and agreed to carry on and see what happens. It's tearing me apart inside as I can't help wondering whether I've had the whole story and also why it happened at all. The reason (I'm telling myself) that we're continuing has a lot to do with the type of girl she is to me. She was always the one saying how magical our relationship is, how special it is and that we were fated to be together - I've never put much thought into the fate thing before her. She has also been the one who wanted to be engaged for a long time, so to me this was the logical step, it's not a rush for us.

I believe she came clean for the below reason:

"Or it could be that she felt since this is a step towards marriage, she felt it necessary to show there are no secret between you two."

My long term issue now is the bits I don't know and whether it will happen again. In her own words "this bloke tried to kiss me on the dance floor and I didn't stop him", at the time that was enough information to blow my mind, but now I've thought it through, shes clearly been flirting all night leading up to that point. Was it just the one kiss or were there multiple kisses? I also got her to upload a picture to FB showing her google searches from that night which I thought were funny because she was obviously smashed, they read:

where am I
nearest Travel Lodge (cheap UK hotel)
taxi

But after some thinking she told me she was stayed with her mates in their hotel room so then why the searches for a room? This could be me being over sensitive now... but yeh. This is really doing me in to be honest, part of me thinks it's my low self esteem stopping me from taking action. I've a bone disease which has made the left side of my chin grow out further than it should which looks a bit odd and has effected my confidence. I've got an op to correct it Feb / March next year but wonder if I'd already had it would I still be wondering how to handle this.

I'm probably treating this as more of a diary now, thank you to anyone listening, happy new years.

Ben

[smackie9]

Just keep this in mind Ben. Actions speak louder than words......