What does he want from me?

[dearsuzan]

My exboyfriend/exfwb of 3 months told me the other day that he likes me a lot but doesn’t know if he’ll fall in love with me. We’re coworkers and have been for the past 2 years. I was married until 3 months ago so we maintained our distance until we started dating. We still talk a lot and whenever he sees me he seems genuinely concerned with what’s going on with me and he does small really sweet gestures for me. He and I had a rocky relationship for a lot of reasons – one being his crazy ex who also works with us and my ex that had issues letting go.

When we talked, he said he still feels connected to me and he really cares about me and wants to email me everyday to make sure that I’m ok and that I’m happy but he doesn’t because he doesn’t want to annoy me. He also mentioned that he thought that I wanted him to marry me when we were together and that thought didn’t scare him and how he wanted us to move in together. He also mentioned finances, how he’s scared about his career, savings, retirement, etc. He told me that I’m a great girl and I would make a wonderful mom. When he met my sisters at work, he kept telling them how amazing I was (my sisters don’t know that he and I dated) and he lies to my friends and says things like: she was saying how much she missed you all day or how excited she was too see you.

The other thing he mentioned is that he didn’t feel that spark between us anymore – which doesn’t surprise me because of all the stress, drama and crap we went thru in a short amount of time. He and I have both started counseling to deal with our relationship issues – he says that he doesn’t know how to develop healthy relationships (I believe him). We ended a conversation with a long 5 min hug (initiated by me but maintained by him) where he kept massaging my back and shoulders. He’s 33 and I’m 27.

I like him a lot too but this is just getting exhausting. I feel like he’s taking everything too seriously and I want to take things slowly so we can get to know each other better outside of work and have some fun. I’ve tried to ask him to hang out a couple of times but he says no and doesn’t reschedule. He also knows I’m ready and willing to have a physical relationship (I really really miss that) and he says no. When I asked him if there’s a chance he will be touching me any time soon – he said no. I’m a really good looking girl and there are a good number of guys willing to jump at the chance, I don’t understand why he won’t.

Is this guy toying with me? Should I just move on?

[smackie9]

Toying with you? So far he has been completely honest about how he feels. Your relationship with him was totally casual, now he is done with it because you want more. He is being totally fair to you to let you know he doesn't feel that same way as you. This has nothing to do with is ex or stresses, he is just not that into you. Accept and move on.

Tip: never date someone you work with. It's going to be difficult moving on because you see him everyday.

Tip: you are very emotionally needy because of your divorce, you will not find happiness by jumping into another relationship. Work on that low self esteem, seek out new activities, and spend time going out with gfs. Learn to just be happy as your own person.

[Wakeup]

I’ve tried to ask him to hang out a couple of times but he says no and doesn’t reschedule.

That right there should tell you all you need to know. You'll have to make an effort to just take his "small gestures" at face value and not think he's doing them because he wants to be with you. If you can't do that, then don't let him do small gestures for you anymore.

You've only broken up with your husband for three months. Take time away from dating all together and learn to live happily without a man or the attentions of one. Once you're over both your ex and your fb.. then consider meeting someone when you're able to pick wisely and your not naive, vulnerable and lonely.

You'll be fine.. just keep your distance from him and do as Smackie suggests and keep yourself busy.

Your question: "What does he want from me?" Answer: Nothing (by the looks of things) except for you to be happy while doing so without him.