My girlfriend made a porno with her ex that is all over the internet

[whatshisface]

For two months I've been dating this girl, we decided to be serious/exclusive after about a month. I really clicked with her and we get along with no problems until now. She's met my parents and even bought them a christmas gift.

So I just found out a few days ago that she's made some 'erotic' home movies with her ex boyfriend that found their way on to the internet. I found the video myself when browsing one of these porn you tubes. I did a double take and I recognized her face while watching it. Her face wasn't prominently displayed throughout the video, but she is clearly recognizable at certain points. Anyone who knows her can recognize her.

What's worse, you can stream the same video live on nearly 15 different porn tube websites, as it seems quite popular. I saw one site had well over 33,000 views, and a number of perverted comments from viewers. The videos have been live and active for 2 years when I saw the upload date. and when you google the title they gave the video you can find download links on rapidshare. The video has spread, and it's all over the internet.

She was young, about 23, when they made the videos together . he was her first boyfriend and took her virginity. he was much much older and basically treated her like crap in every possible way. They made lots of videos together, and lots as is maybe 6 months of being together making videos practically all the time. He used her, degraded her, and exploited her. She is, was, very naive. She must have recognized he didn't love her, was using her, and either didn't mind or was dumb enough to think he would come around I guess. She let him do pretty much anything he wanted to.

The video that I saw on the porn tube has pretty mild, regular stuff as far as what they do, nothing extreme. However, when searching throughout google to find more sites that feature the video, I stumbled onto another video of her with the same guy. This was a different video, with much more upsetting material. She has anal sex, and he was very rough while doing this. you can see her face saying oww, and you can see the pain on her face when she's getting it. He's yelling these degrading things to her, thrusting on her as hard and fast as he can, and in the end he finishes on her face. This one is not widespread as the other, but it is out there.

This video was upsetting to me on a number of levels. I can accept maybe she was with the wrong guy and made some bad choices, but she totally let herself get manipulated and used and exploited and this will be out there forever. Not only that, but she lied about herself when I breezed over the subject of her past, and what she was into bedroom-wise. I asked her if she's ever tried anal sex and she told me no, and that she wasn't it. Not only did she try it, she realllly tried it. She said she didn't have much experience in bed, and even asked if 'I could teach her.' She was used like a slut, and there is permanent reminder of this online. It;s bad enoughto know how she was treated but to know it has a life of it's own online. I trusted her, she met my parents, I really perceived her a different way.

I can understand a girl being shy about her past and sort of wanting me to feel like I was special, but this goes above and beyond lying, especially when I came to her as down to earth and laid back as can be, not stressing her over things like this. I confronted her with this, i was pretty understanding/nice about it. She had no idea they were online, and she did not give consent for them to be seen. I helped her to go to the police and report this. She filed a police report of harassment against him, and is trying to either file criminal charges of invasion of privacy and harassment or go get an order of protection at a family court. I'm really not sure what she'd doing as this just happened few days ago. To be honest I think the videos will never stop circulating, nor will she ever win any kind of victory in court, as the guy will probably claim it was stolen, and she'll just end up looking bad.

It's hard for me at this point, as I want to be there and support her, but I really don't know if I can shake those images, the way she lied to me, the stuff she's done with guys and what that says about her personality, all of this kind of stuff. I really saw her as a sweet girl, and I even saw a possible long term thing with her. Now I see her as a naive bimbo. After all this was discovered, she came clean and was honest about her ex and the videos, and even told me a few other things I didn't want to know about her.

This really came in and ruined everything, I'm stuck in between hating her, caring about her, being sexually addicted to her, and wanting to break away clean immediately. Right now I've told her we're friends and that I'm here to help, but we are not together. She's been crying and begging me back, very appreciative of how I have been handling it, and seemingly very serious about wanting me in her life. Can I really be serious about a girl who has videos online? probably not. It's a big shot to the gut, any objective opinions on what you would do would be helpful.

[searock]

I think you're a jerk. You have no idea what it's like for a woman to be treated like that. She probably still has emotional scars that will never truly leave her. She was young and naive and made a horrible mistake, getting involved with someone like that.

I can think of at least 3 very good reasons for her not telling you:
1) none of your business really. She didn't "have to" tell you anything.
2) she is ashamed of the way she let herself be treated. She must have sensed that you wouldn't have been able to handle it anyway.
3) she wants something totally different with you. So maybe she was afraid that if she told you, for example, that she had tried anal sex before, then you would ask her to do it with you. Maybe she hated it so much that she just couldn't stand the thought of being treated like that again.

Her whole "relationship" with that old pervert was a traumatic experience for her. Think of it as rape, because that's how she must have felt most of the times. Imagine her humiliation and anger now, finding out that those videos are all over the internet. The ultimate humiliation. And you actually think she should do nothing about it because "she'll only make herself look bad"?? You should be right there at her side, supporting her and praising her for her courage.

I think you should just leave her alone, she's had enough assholes in her life already.

"Use her for sex", you disgust me.

[KingZ]

In case you couldn't tell, searock is a girl.

Think of it as rape, because that's how she must have felt most of the times.

"Rape". lulz

In any case, I certainly would not "use" her for sex, or do anything that comes close to dishonest. If you did, what makes you any different than the asshole who filmed her? If you want a purely sexual relationship, you need to be extremely clear about this.

In your shoes, I'd just split. Chances are, you aren't going to spend the rest of your life with this chick, and in the short-term, these videos are going to be in the back of your mind for the entirety of the relationship. You'll probably end up using it against her at some point.

You're at the point now where you could just dump her painlessly and avoid the friction. Do it.

[edit] Just reread your post. Yeah, if she lied to you, then you have multiple reasons to not trust her. Immediate deal breaker. I'd run.

[Fruitsss]

She wasnt young! 23 u r well grown enough too know what is right or wrong.
So that young bullshit is not available.
Even thou i know guys sometimes can put woman on pressure too do certain things.
especially if they r innocent. But it doesn't take away that she was grown enough too at least
know that it was wrong some how.
And u clearly did not got too know her before jumping into relationships.
U still barely know her so, u can easily break up. Or she can easily have enough
of you judging her and walk away.

And if u cant handle it leave her. Dont stay with her and make each others life worse.
Its not like a obligation for u too date or stay with her.

And i think u just got on the Internet too find her on it.
Cause u know too much for someone that just found it by accident.

[Fruitsss]

And beside im shore u aint no virgin eater so u shore had sex with a lot of other girls
before her.

The only thing is they did not film it and put it on the Internet.( I HOPE IT FOR U)!
So u r not a saint ,so stop!

[vashti]

I don't see how you can ever get over this, and I'm female. I feel for this girl, as she was young and stupid, but sometimes mistakes can't be fixed. I wish more people would educate their daughters about the dangers of allowing themselves to be filmed.

[dem862]

I have often wondered what kind of woman wants images of her most private moments posted for millions of other people to watch. Interesting to think that at least some of them might be victims, including her apparently. That being said, trust is extremely important in any substantial relationship and you now have proof that she cannot be fully trusted. It is always difficult to discover that someone you trusted has lied to you, even if they do have good cause. I can understand that she couldn't reveal that her sex tapes are available because she didn't know. But she deliberately lied about her sexual history. To her credit, she came clean when confronted, but a more appropriate course of action is to own up to the past and expain how she has learned from it. I would be very disappointed by her dishonesty. There are many other factors to consider in deciding whether to dump her or not, most of them are based on your current life situation, wants, and desires. But personally, I don't see how you can build a relationship with someone you can't trust because you have no way of knowing who they are really.

[vashti]

I don't think you had a right to ask about her sexual history - it was none of your business - but having it on film for the whole world to see? That's different.

[surfhb2]

She didn't do anything wrong.....

Maybe it wasn't the type of sex she enjoyed and maybe the guy took advantage in that sense.....who knows and who cares? It's her decisions and hers to deal with

Ever think this is why she lied? She was ashamed? Maybe she enjoyed being filmed? Maybe she thought you would judge her quickly ? Either way you're a COMPLETE dick for , not only bringing up her past and putting her in a precarious position, but the fact you judge her on her past behavior (right or wrong - IN YOUR OPINION)

Lots of couples film themselves, have anal sex and everything else you described. The asshole here is the guy who put them on the net. Oh forgot......you're an asshole too for judging her past behavior.

I voted to break up with her... So she can find a real man

[surfhb2]

I have often wondered what kind of woman wants images of her most private moments posted for millions of other people to watch. Interesting to think that at least some of them might be victims, including her apparently. That being said, trust is extremely important in any substantial relationship and you now have proof that she cannot be fully trusted. It is always difficult to discover that someone you trusted has lied to you, even if they do have good cause. I can understand that she couldn't reveal that her sex tapes are available because she didn't know. But she deliberately lied about her sexual history. To her credit, she came clean when confronted, but a more appropriate course of action is to own up to the past and expain how she has learned from it. I would be very disappointed by her dishonesty. There are many other factors to consider in deciding whether to dump her or not, most of them are based on your current life situation, wants, and desires. But personally, I don't see how you can build a relationship with someone you can't trust because you have no way of knowing who they are really.

Read again.....she didn't know they were on line

[VincenzoG91]

Dump her, because you don't sound capable of getting over this.

[surfhb2]

Dump her, because you don't sound capable of getting over this.

Lol. Exactly

[CoolStoryBro]

Link or gtfo.

[searock]

"Rape". lulz

I know it's not "literally" the same thing because she actually LET HIM do it to her without fighting, but the way she felt during and after can't be that different. I was in a similar situation when I was a lot younger and totally inexperienced, and to this day I still have trouble thinking about it without getting upset. It has had repercussions on my sexual life for a few years after it had ended - it isn't rape, but it IS a traumatic experience that she had all the rights not to talk about, and all the reasons to feel ashamed/upset by.

I agree with the rest of your post, apart for the lying bit. I don't think he had the right to ask her such personal, private questions about her sexual past... it put her in an uncomfortable position. If she had replied "I prefer not to tell" (therefore avoiding the lie), he would have taken it as a "yes, I have". So she had no option, since she did NOT want to tell him in the first place (and had all the rights not to tell him).

Vashti - she didn't know that those videos were on the internet. The fact that she's legally fighting to have them removed and to make her ex pay for what he did is proof enough that she's sincere, IMO. She should have been smarter than to let herself be filmed, that's for sure. Judging by the current guy she's dating, I doubt her tastes in men have gotten any better, unfortunately.

[dem862]

This was a different video, with much more upsetting material. She has anal sex, and he was very rough while doing this. you can see her face saying oww, and you can see the pain on her face when she's getting it. He's yelling these degrading things to her, thrusting on her as hard and fast as he can, and in the end he finishes on her face. This one is not widespread as the other, but it is out there.

This video was upsetting to me on a number of levels. I can accept maybe she was with the wrong guy and made some bad choices, but she totally let herself get manipulated and used and exploited and this will be out there forever. Not only that, but she lied about herself when I breezed over the subject of her past, and what she was into bedroom-wise. I asked her if she's ever tried anal sex and she told me no, and that she wasn't it. Not only did she try it, she realllly tried it. She said she didn't have much experience in bed, and even asked if 'I could teach her.' She was used like a slut, and there is permanent reminder of this online. It;s bad enoughto know how she was treated but to know it has a life of it's own online. I trusted her, she met my parents, I really perceived her a different way.

This chick lied. That is entirely on her. Lots of people have sordid pasts and they are honest about it. If you have done things you are ashamed of, you owe it to your partner to tell them, so they can make a decision about whether or not to continue with you. Otherwise, you are potentially wasting their time when they could be with someone they can accept. There is no excuse for lying. You cannot have a valid relationship based on deception. The people on here who condone her deception are misguided. If she would lie about anal sex, she will lie about other things as well. I think you have grounds to dump her based on her dishonesty and misrepresentation.