Originally Posted by
chipottle
My feeling is that passive aggression is pre-meditated behaviour to achieve some sort of goal whereas my frame of mind in that situation is more akin with feelings of anger, hopelessness, frustration and despair. I'm no psychologist, but is it possible that becoming withdrawn as a result of being hurt by the actions (or inactions) of someone is not being passive aggressive but is in fact a protective response to guard against a more immediate (and potentially relationship ending) verbal response? In a nutshell, is tongue-biting passive aggression?
Am I passive aggressive?
Bump for HIA, who knows more about how to overcome this than I. But that said, my ex was very PA, so I can relate to your post somewhat.
Passive aggressive men (mostly men) have problems dealing with anger, conflict or negative emotions in a direct manner. Most of them grew up in high-conflict or conflict-avoidant homes. Signs of being PA are: inability or difficulty expressing directly what is bothering you, denying there is a problem, guilting or avoiding your partner or others when they bring up an issue or conflict arises, and engaging in behaviours to 'stick it to them' in very covert, stealthy ways.
Withdrawl by itself can be an appropriate response but if you find you are still avoiding the issue, then yes, you may be PA.
Hope this helps.
Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
--Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh