Help getting her back???

[travisb7]

My girlfriend and I of almost a year broke up a few days ago. We had been fighting a lot, which was mostly my fault. We have been on winter break from college and I don't have much to do back home because of my family's poverty which caused a lack of friends back home, and she had been super busy. I felt ignored so I called her out on it, and started fighting with her a lot. We had been fighting off and on for a while, but we always had recovered and were very happy together. She finally ended things, and I'm crushed. I love her so much, and I want her back in my life.

She told me not to contact her and give her time, but it has been hard for me. I know how to fix us and want the chance to make things right. I tried to surprise her on New Year's because she has always wanted a New Year's kiss, but I got shot down. But later that night, she messaged me on her own and said Happy New Year's, and that she loves me, but has to make sure that that's enough. After that, I couldn't help but send her a text or message everyday. Today, I messaged her and she freaked out. She said she broke up with me because she couldn't see us together in the future. Which I understand right now, but it still hurt. And she told me that if I want the chance for us to get back together I have to give her some time.

I just really know I can change things to make us right. I was too clingy, which caused me to be angry with her over the smallest things and cause fights. I realize we have to have our own lives outside of each other. Granted, we still need to spend time together, but make sure we can still get away and be independent. I know what needs to be fixed, and I want to fix things. I need to be less clingy and stop trying to start so many fights. But, she has been really iffy about giving me the chance.

She says she still loves me, and from all the conversations we have had, she hasn't shut the door on giving it another try. Just a few days before we broke up, she gave me a personalized calendar for 2013 that has pictures of us and lists our "monthiverarys" and she even put in every single Braves game into the calendar (I'm a big Braves fan) and other important dates. And on the cover it says "Our Year." It was the greatest gift I've ever received. I really am holding out hope that this shows she still wants to be with me. We talked about our future together a lot and she definitely loves me still.

I just don't know what my next step should be. I don't want her to completely move on from me, but she told me to give her space. I really think that maybe she will give us the chance eventually, but I don't want it to take too long. I'm scared if I give her too much space she will just drift away from me. And I'm scared she will move on to another guy. I know she isn't like that, but the thought still scares me. I just wish she would talk to me so I can tell her my plan of how to fix things between us. I know deep down I can change things and make us better. She is just scared and hurt right now. It is hard to give her space because I know how to fix things. I just don't know how to get her to start talking to me again. I want to show her how I have changed and will change. All I want right now is for us to start talking again and for her to give us the chance that I know deep down she wants to take. Because feelings don't just disappear. Anyways, how do I get her to start talking to me again, and what do I do once she does? I know I should tell her how I will fix things, but what do I do after that? Start doing big romantic gestures? Show her why she fell in love with me in the first place? I have already made a booklet with 180 reasons why we should be together (handwritten) and I plan on actually giving her a booklet listing reasons she loves me she made for me back to her, so she can see why she loves me. Anyways, any advice will be welcome. I just know I love her and want her back because she is the only one I want. Thanks!

[basilandthyme]

Travis, if you are capable of making all these changes, why didn't you act BEFORE she left you? *shakes head*

As for how your ex may feel, I can only go off my own experiences. When I left my ex-husband he made a million promises to change. But the fact that he'd ignored the things which made me unhappy when were together made me unwilling to give him another chance. Thing is, a person can only give so many chances - and then they run out of patience.

Odds are she will find a weight lifted off her shoulders now that she's away from this unhappy relationship. And she probably won't look back.
Sorry I can't be more hopeful for you, but the fact that it took her actually leaving for you to get your act together doesn't bode well.

All you can do is learn from this - and listen to a partner if they aren't happy with the relationship.

[travisb7]

Travis, if you are capable of making all these changes, why didn't you act BEFORE she left you? *shakes head*

As for how your ex may feel, I can only go off my own experiences. When I left my ex-husband he made a million promises to change. But the fact that he'd ignored the things which made me unhappy when were together made me unwilling to give him another chance. Thing is, a person can only give so many chances - and then they run out of patience.

Odds are she will find a weight lifted off her shoulders now that she's away from this unhappy relationship. And she probably won't look back.
Sorry I can't be more hopeful for you, but the fact that it took her actually leaving for you to get your act together doesn't bode well.

All you can do is learn from this - and listen to a partner if they aren't happy with the relationship.

I have to disagree with you. I really think that her leaving me has made me understand better that I have things I need to work on and get better at. If I give her time, I think she will see the happy times we had (we had A LOT of them) and realize she wants things to work. Or at least give me the chance to prove her wrong. And she hasn't completely written off us getting back together. I think she will give me at least a chance to work things out. Because she'll miss me. And will ultimately be worth taking the chance.