My heart is broken and want to feel normal again

[tillyb]

2 months ago, my partner of 6 years left me a week before we were suppose to get married. He said, hHe did not love me. Or my daughter who he has raised like his own. I have tried to move on, I have read books, tried gratitude, positive phycology, meditation, drinking... nothing gets this out of my system.

Today, I logged on to facebook for the first time in 2 months and see that he is now in a relationship with someone who was once my friend. I'm not suprised, I knew he was interested but it hurts so much that he has moved on and is happy and has forgotten me. He is not hurting. He doesn't care. I feel like everything we have shared over the last 6 years means nothing. I thought we were happy. I forgave his arrogance and anger because I thought that was what love was - being understanding, being there no matter what, loving despite.

I know now that he was a horrible man. He treated me badly and has a lot of issues he has to deal with ... but knowing he is with somebody else is torture. It hurts. I feel paralysed. I want to erase the last 6 years and find happiness.

[Guybrush]

I know now that he was a horrible man. He treated me badly and has a lot of issues he has to deal with ...

Well, you said it. That is the key to getting over this.

but knowing he is with somebody else is torture

Why? Are you sympathising with the poor woman he is *now* treating badly? Sorry, I just had to say it I think you get the point.

I want to erase the last 6 years and find happiness.

You cannot do that, nor is there any point in erasing your experience. Rather, you should use what you know now to make your next relationship a better one. Just take your time and make smart choices. That way, those 6 years will actually *help* you find happiness.

[xanitus]

this is a horrible thing to happen. But in time you will accept. Delete him out of ur life. U shud have done it 2 months ago and u wouldnt be hurting now if u had. Think about it. You only have urself and ur daughter now so focus on her. You will get a better man later. But for now u have to HEAL. FORGIVE and move on

[Fruitss]

Wowwwwwwwwnn thats sad ,

But u said u r not surprised so why did u not beak up or at least tell him\
no u dont want too marry.

And break up hurts in the beginning but later it will get less
if u allow it too get. without holding on it.

Try too clean up little by little.\
And be happy that someone else took this loser from u. so u dont have too wast any more years on him.

[Fruitss]

stop looking at his fb or whatever.\
start looking at ideas for the future

[Fruitss]

u just got save from having a bad marriage

[IndiReloaded]

2 months ago, my partner of 6 years left me a week before we were suppose to get married. He said, he did not love me.

Today, I logged on to facebook for the first time in 2 months and see that he is now in a relationship with someone who was once my friend.

u just got save from having a bad marriage

Truth^ from our #2 Bad Speller of the forum.

Don't feel bad about anything. Based on your post sounds to me the problem is his. This guy was most likely cheating on you.

You will feel sad, but understand you are grieving for *a fantasy that this man could never give you*. The reality is he sounds extremely selfish. He strung you along. It sounds like he's incapable of true love for another. This other woman he's with will not live 'happily ever after' with this guy, she will become another victim. Again, what happened is *not* about you, or your worthiness to be loved, so don't even think it for a second.

You are free now to find someone who deserves you. I wish you all the best.

[Fruitss]

Truth^ from our #2 Bad Speller of the forum.

stf off
your spell is worse and makes no sense, what about that

[charmchamp24]

This is so cliche-ish but time does heal all wounds. You need to focus on a way to give yourself the time to heal or find things to help you release that stress and sorrow. Try writing a letter to your ex and release all your pent up emotions in the letter. How much you miss him, how much you hate him, how much you want him back... whatever is in your heart. Once you're finished, instead of mailing the letter, burn it. Seriously. Let the burning of this letter signify your release of the burden of carrying these emotions with you. This can be quite refreshing if you really put your all into it.

[basilandthyme]

I can't imagine what a shock it would be having been dumped a week before you were to be married. Hugs to you.

The last six years shouldn't be erased though. What you went through can be a tremendous learning experience!

I forgave his arrogance and anger because I thought that was what love was - being understanding, being there no matter what, loving despite. ..... I want to erase the last 6 years and find happiness.

If there's one thing you take away from this, it's that this unconditional acceptance of a persons behaviour doesn't belong in a relationship. The only place for unconditional love is in a parent-child relationship. One of the most crucial things when being in a relationship is having boundaries as to what behaviour we will accept. You need to figure out what are dealbreakers for you - and anger and arrogance would certainly be dealbreakers for me.

[IndiReloaded]

stf off
your spell is worse and makes no sense, what about that

Come back to the Newtonian world, darling. Everyone knows etees can't spell.

[tillyb]

Wow. It's good to read impartial advice. Really appreciate it. YOu are all right, and I know that only time will heal and help me. How kind you all are.
I take to mind especially the idea of boundaries and that only a child-parent relationship is unconditional. Thanks all. xx

[Eguin]

Hi Tillyb
The good people on here will really help you, but you will eventually help yourself too, you are lucky to have a daughter to help you get through as well
As everyone says, its only time that slowly heals things, and it will, even though you will find that hard to believe at the moment!
Keep as busy as you can and try get out more with your family, friends etc
But never give up, I gave and ended up in hospital, but am better now, although it took me a few years.
I'm sure you will feel better as the weeks go by, and take care
J