So confused by him!!!

[Sammiijo]

Ok I posted about my breakup yday but wanted to get guys opinions on my relationship with ex(sigh!!) bf!! He was in his previous relationship 10 years on and off. She's an alcoholic and violent with him sleeps with anyone including her bro in law and his best friend. And is a terrible mum to their 6 year old son. The kid is sent upstairs at 6 so she can start drinking. She never takes her son out or shows an interest in his school life. She split up with him last January taking everything out of the house while he was at work. They began divorce proceedings in August. That's when we got together. We got on brilliantly from the start. He said I let him be himself. We both said we'd never been so happy, so in love, it was the best sex ever. We never fell out. We didn't tell her we were together till October. Immediately she started causing trouble tried to have J arrested for assault when he went to pick his son up. He was sat outside in the car all the time!! Then a week later she phoned J up saying his ex best friend had beaten her up and she wanted to come back to J. He told her he'd moved on and was happy with me. But she started texting and phoning him begging him to take her back. Even sitting outside the house all night. She used his kid against him, not letting him see him, keeping him off school. So he promised me he wouldn't take her back and the weeks went by. Then on 19th December he sent me a lovely text in the morn as always and I didn't hear from him till 6 that night. It turns out she didnt send the kid to school so he went round to find out why. He stayed 5 hours!! They got talking and she said wouldnt it be great to back together with the kid for Christmas?? And he didnt know what to do he loved me but wanted his kid to have his parents together. So I said go back to her. He went from my house at 10 to tell her he was getting back with her then came back to mine at 11 and stayed until half 1. After that he phoned me for 2 hours a day until Christmas Eve when I told him I wanted no contact. He wants to stay friends but is that just to be polite or out of guilt?? We text now a couple of times a day. But I want to know what u think about him sending me that text in the morn and then wanting to get back with her at night?? Do u think I let him go to easily?? Will he want to come back?? Thanks for ur replies!!

[Sammiijo]

Any ideas guys?? Would love to know what u make of this situation?? Did he ever have any feelings for me?? Was he just using me?? Can a guy really move onto someone else without stopping to regret what he's done?? Will he really not miss me?? Thanks for ur replies!!

[Beenthere]

Hi
It sounds to me like he misses you. A man with children from an Ex, is going to be under her influence until at least the child is old enough to know him, without the full influence of the mum. I have seen so many friends break up with someone they dont want to be with anymore, only to be lost souls without their kids. its heart breaking and I am sure, as it was to be the 1st Christmas withot his kid, that he just couldnt face not being there for christmas morning.. one of the most special mornings in a childs early memory.

I think understandably you are looking at this as if its only about your relationship with him, and not about how he wants to save his relationship with his kids. He's terrified that if he is seen to be with you, he may loose the time with his child, as a woman you must be able to imagine how that would feel. He needs space and time to get his family life sorted. I would suggest, without pressure, that if you let him know how you feel, and let him know you are there when he is ready he may appreciate it. But if you are going to wait, he cant be 'with' the other woman from his past. Either way i am sure he misses you

[Fruitss]

We can give u 10000000000 of ideas but its u that need
too work on your morals and self esteem.

Like u knew from day one he was trouble, did not finish his drama with his ex, and he is
still married.
But u jumped into it and did it all.
U can never win from a wife. Cause there is a reason she is a wife
and u just a pleasure woman too him.

So now u have too take the consequences.


And u shore have too leave him alone.
He just use u and go back too his wife.
But i guess u know that but u keep accepting it.
Dont u feel nasty when he comes back from her and sleep with u?
Have some dignity!

[Sammiijo]

Thanks for ur replies!! Fruitss I'm sure my morals and self esteem are fine!!!
His wife left him in January for his best friend.
I got with him in August after divorce proceedings had started.
She split up from her new man in November.
How did I 'keep accepting him back from his wife'????!!!
He only took her back on the 19th December!!!
This is the first time he had done this!!!!
This is the reason I was asking for advice on this forum!! Because it was the first time it had happened!!! If it happened every week I wouldn't need advice would I???? Lol!!
Thanks anyway!!
I wouldn't have him back from her!!

[Fruitss]

Im shore not cause its clear he is not yours but u
keep messing.
And he was not divorce. And still not. So he is not single
whatever his story is!

Thats the point, that he is a married men messing around.
If your self esteem and morals where fine u would have told him too
stf off when he was trying too get u the first time.

Cause u want the best and not 20%! but 100%

[surfhb2]

Ignore advice from fruitasshole. She's our resident nut job

[Fruitss]

Ignore advice from fruitasshole. She's our resident nut job

do i know u? so stf off lame fagot , the only hole is the one u use for your gay friend

[Sammiijo]

Thanks surfhb2!! I would never get with a married man!! This was my first relationship since I split with my husband 4 years ago. I honestly believed they had split for good, she had been with her new partner for 8 months before I got with J. I wouldn't have him back now as a matter of pride. I just wondered how someone could change their mind about what they wanted so quickly. He was just about to file for custody of his son 4 nights a week and was going to have his estranged wife mentally assessed. I have supported him with helping him care for his son and even now am very concerned for this little boy. Do u think our whole relationship was a lie?? Will he have any regrets?? Thanks for ur replies!!