Can I get my girl back? Please help

[MikeD1986]

Hi Everyone,

I've been dating this girl for almost 6 years. We've been through all the big life moments together and experienced a lot of things together. I was really happy with her and seriously wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. However, we have had issues during the last year or so. She is a very stubborn, impatient and impulsive individual and due to the pressure from her family, she really wanted to get married. She asked me about it several times. Whereas I am a very patient and logical guy that always wanted to go through certain stages in life and surprise her with my proposal. I didn't quite understand her at that time and just wanted to achieve "stability" first, then pop the question.

This hide and seek game continued for over a year. We've had fights over literally the same topic again and again. None of us wanted to give in and compromise. We always managed to make up and have great time together. But I guess it still wasn't what she wanted. I think about it now and understand that perhaps I was a bit selfish for "dragging" the time. But I never wanted to cause any trouble. At that time I honestly wanted to do my best and just achieve this "stability".

3 months ago we had another fight. This time it was very serious. She moved out of her parents house, resigned from her job and moved cities. We still talked and I begged her to change her mind. She wanted only one thing from me, and I simply couldn't do it. I didn't want it to be that impulsive. I then thought it would be good for both of us to have some time away from each other to think about our lives. And I thought pretty damn hard about mine and realized I was wrong.

I then found out she was coming home for Christmas to visit her family. I wanted to just talk to her and explain myself to her. I really wanted us back. But then I found out something that hit me like a ton of bricks - she found another guy. She's been with him for almost 2 months now. I was devastated. I could hardly eat or focus at work. I panicked.

I then asked her to meet and have a normal conversation without saying or doing anything stupid. She said she was happy with the new guy. It all happened really quickly and she is in love with him. She still cares about me but its not love anymore. I explained everything I've done in the past, admitted I was wrong and asked for a second chance. She said no and wanted to give the new guy a fair chance. I then spoke to her mum. Her mum always liked me a lot and has always been on my side. She suggested giving her some time and then talking to her. She really thought the new relationship wouldn't last.

I then had a day to just myself to think. I felt like I was running out of time. I felt like if I didn't do what she always wanted me to do now, it may be too late in the future. I didn't want to live the rest of my life regretting not doing each and every single day. So the next day I bought a ring and proposed to her. When I got the ring, I was honestly the happiest I've been in awhile. I was very confident I was going to succeed. I knew exactly what I was doing. I turned up to her place with flowers and balloons. I wanted to really surprise her and sweep her off her feet. After all, that's exactly what she wanted for quite some time now.

Unfortunately, she said no. She was really surprised and touched. She really wished it happened earlier but it's too late. Her mum was there and she really wanted her to say yes.

Needless to say, I was completely devastated to get a rejection. I'm still finding it really hard to swallow. I still really want her back.

Anyone experienced anything similar in here? Any advice? I really don't want to give up. But at the same time I don't want to do anything that would drive her further away from me. Shall I give her some time? I've always been very faithful to her, and always did things to make her life easier. We honestly have so many great memories together. Can 6 years of amazing life experiences really just vanish and be replaced with someone of just 2 months?

[tomyumgoong]

this is a tough one and im sorry to here someone going through something like this. i never had anything like this happen to me but i was moved by it for I'm in a relationship with a girl who i care alot for and i can't imagine going through what u r. we had a big fight so reading what u wrote shoke me up a bit. but i digress. to answer ur question, no. i dont believe that u can throw away 6 yrs for 2 months. i wouldnt give up on her but i will from a distance if u know what i mean. 6 years is a long time in the dating world today and i believe she still cares alot about u. it seems like she's unfortunately fed up to the point that she would rather try a new relationship with someone else im afraid. this will b hard to hear but time is ur friend in this situation. u need to give her time to realize what she's doing is a mistake, besides her mom said that its not going anywhere...moms can call these things right most of the time. if things with u two r meant to b then she will come back to u. the only way to know for sure is to let time take its course. in the meantime u gotta keep living ur life too. that basically means try not to b depressed and miserable. easier said than done but you have to do it. like i said, if u two are meant then it will happen. good luck to u

[catty111]

you are stupid dragging her for 6 years just to feel yourself important. and she is stupid to stay with you.

[Gargul]

I would try to find someone else that you could see yourself with for a long time. If she and her boyfriend break up somewhere down the line, then you might have another chance if you're single then. But for now, I would drop it.
And learn from your mistake...6 years was excessive. Some people (and I suspect from this story that your girlfriend was the same way) just want to get the dating games out of the way and find the one to have a family with. Since she suspected you were not going to be the one to give that future to her, she split, feeling that the relationship was going nowhere even if it was nice. Even though you planned to propose to her at some point, she didn't know that. When you wait forever to do things, people begin to suspect whether you'll ever do it at all. 2-3 years is a safe number, or 4 at the most. I know that just coasting along and waiting for some perfect time seems romantic, but...in real life, it's best to do things in a timely manner.