Online dating - how do you do it?

[kateyp]

I have recently started online dating after being in a relationship for 3 years.
I know online dating can be a massive gamble and have massive downs, but i seem to be really struggling with those downs.
Obviously you are taking a complete chance on the person you meet, and there is a massive chance that you wont get on.
However I have had several dates, nothing has come of any of them, and i find this completely devastating, and take it very personally.
I am supposed to be fairly attractive, i work with a lot of males and get told this all of the time, however on dates i cannot seem to make a lasting impression.
Does anyone else have this problem?
I wish I could be cool and take it each date at a time, but all I see is rejection and a lot of hard work x

[kateyp]

Is online dating supposed to be like this?? If so how do you manage??

[Beenthere]

Hi Kateyp, I am just in the middle of a separation and have really considered this as something I will eventually do. Although I dont have personal experience, I have dozens of mates who have been talking about it for years. All of my friends, said that at first you think you have to meet and please everyone but as you get into it you realise that not everyone is going to fancy you no more than you will fancy everyone you meet. Most people who are on the site already know what they want, whether its a fling or to meet a partner to settle down. So if you are not it for them, they'll move right on. Your basically on a supermarket shelf and its only going to take 1 person to sweep you up, to make you forget the 50 before.. (not that Im saying it will be 50)... good luck and dont take it personally...

On a separate note, Im from UK too.. are you north or south... my friends from the north say its much more difficult to find a partner.. Good luck

[VincenzoG91]

I have recently started online dating after being in a relationship for 3 years.
I know online dating can be a massive gamble and have massive downs, but i seem to be really struggling with those downs.
Obviously you are taking a complete chance on the person you meet, and there is a massive chance that you wont get on.
However I have had several dates, nothing has come of any of them, and i find this completely devastating, and take it very personally.
I am supposed to be fairly attractive, i work with a lot of males and get told this all of the time, however on dates i cannot seem to make a lasting impression.
Does anyone else have this problem?
I wish I could be cool and take it each date at a time, but all I see is rejection and a lot of hard work x

You have just described dating in general. It's a numbers game. If you meet enough people, you will eventually meet somebody worth getting involved with, and there is no better way to sort through the better possibilities than to go on some actual dates.

Also, some sites are better than others. I think that Plenty of Fish sucks, just because the very name of the site is dismissive and demeaning, giving every user a negative attitude about each date. A better quality site will have some questionnaire questions that identify personality traits and attempt to quantify potential compatibility based on those traits.

This probably isn't an issue for you, but some people use online dating in a stupid way. Instead of looking for reasonable potential matches in their area, they look for perfect matches while ignoring distance. These are people that end up in fake long-distance relationships consisting of two people who are unlikely to ever meet.

[mastermaxx]

Is online dating supposed to be like this?? If so how do you manage??

hi online dating got alot of dos and donts, especially today u have to be extra careful, i just got out of an online relationship i had with someone for 9 months, and it is devastating when u put so much into it and u get rejected in return.. she broke up with me 2 days before christmas and it did a number on me mentally. but for the time we were together it was awesome with no regrets. u have to find someone who wants the same things out of it that u want. someone who will be straight and honest with u....just as any relationship. if u would like to talk more leave me post!

[Scarlet_P]

I have to admit, I did have some really fun dates with online dating. Only thing was, I knew so much about the person before meeting them, it was a bit like Facebook, where you hardly ever see the people, but know exactly what they're doing.

If I did online dating again, I'd send as few messages as possible, and get to meet them quicker. The problem for me was this big build up, and theeeeen...phutt. The anticlimax when I met them, and then having to say, "look, sorry, but I don't fancy you", which I hated doing. Some ladies put in their description "a few extra pounds" (which I have no problem with if it's true) because there was no check box for "morbidly obesse" - I know that sounds like Shallow Hal, but that just falls into "nice personality, but..." catergory.

One particular one, I'll never forget. I met up with a girl, and we went for dinner, then she asked me back to her hotel room, as she was doing a lecture in town the next day (pshychology PHD). We didn't go all the way, but when I had to leave for work, she wouldn't let me leave the room (and I'm a gentleman so I can't get physical), so I was late, and then got a verbal warning from my boss. This happened a second time, and she she apologised again, so I thought, one more chance. The final time, I actually had her escorted away by the police, as I didn't want to assault her by laying a hand on her! That one wasn't so fun. She was head of psychology at a major UK uni, that was the riot, and she was totally nuts.

But don't let that put you off. My mate was on Plenty Of Fish, a name like you say is not great and a bit demeaning for girls. Why not Plenty Of Cheese?

One last one, which wasn't a website date, but a blind one. My female friend said she had a friend who had a dream about a guy, and the name of the guy happened to be my name. So, we hooked up on email, and after about 3 months of getting on pretty well, we agreed to meet at a bar, with my female present as well. I hadn't seen any pictures, but from the moment we met, I just didn't fancy her at all. I really wanted to, as we clicked on email. But then I find out my female friend has a thing for me, and she's gorgeous! To this day, I'll never know why we didn't get together, but at the time, my female friend was going through a break up, and the timing was all bad.

All in all, I'll say that if the wow factor isn't there, you can't manufacture it by filling in an online form. I think hanging out with particular crowds - music, art, sport, whatever you're into - is a better way forward.

[VincenzoG91]

That's a really good point, Scarlet, it's important to meet people sooner than later. Otherwise, it will probably be awkward and disappointing if you meet them after a lot of online communication.

[Love'sReject]

Plenty of Fish isn't degrading towards girl because it's not a unilateral effort: "fish" implies men too, buddy, taken from that overused idiom which is never consolation for a breakup...


I, too, agree with scarlet.

[IndiReloaded]

Choose a reputable site that you pay for. Get what you pay for in life. Be who you are. That will prescreen out those with incompatible expectations.

[Love'sReject]

That's very true. match.com and similar sites screen profiles and approve or disapprove based on some pretty solid criteria (I couldn't get my rushed, fake profile approved just to see if there were even any girls in my small town using the site).

[fearoflove]

I have only been on POF because I won't pay for an online dating site unless I am looking for a husband. For POF, You just have to look good and not be fat. That will get you guys. Unfortunately, you will get guys who are only infatuated with your looks. But out of those guys, some are creeps who just wants to sleep with you and then there are some decent guys who is attracted to you PLUS want to have a relationship.

[Love'sReject]

Decent guys treated like crap on dating sites; women like to rant and bitch about guys being the same and deny us good guys so they can carry about on their "guys are pigs" crusades.

[IndiReloaded]

I have only been on POF because I won't pay for an online dating site unless I am looking for a husband. For POF, You just have to look good and not be fat. That will get you guys. Unfortunately, you will get guys who are only infatuated with your looks. But out of those guys, some are creeps who just wants to sleep with you and then there are some decent guys who is attracted to you PLUS want to have a relationship.

Like I said, you get what you pay for. I haven't e-met a single creep. So, if you 'get guys' what are you here for? What is the question you want answered?

[Love'sReject]

I've read from minds nearly equal with mine on the subject of dating that how you word your profile will essentially dictate the demographic you're going to draw (awesome alliteration, I have to say).

[fearoflove]

Like I said, you get what you pay for. I haven't e-met a single creep. So, if you 'get guys' what are you here for? What is the question you want answered?

Here on LF or on dating sites?