i just need an outsiders prespective..somebody who is completley neutral...PLEASE!

[lost_lad]

this is going to be a long one..so be prepared to read lol...

okay so i was in a relationship for 4 and a bit years with a girl i met from out of town..she only lived 45 minutes away so i went to see her every weekend and we were getting on really well..she had a child of 14 months at the time and his real father did not want to know him...after a few months the child and i started to bond and started to call me daddy..which i was really happy about, others may find this weird but hey...we moved in together after two months of dating and after a while we moved back to my hometown..things where great for the first two and a half years...but then the usual relationship arguments started... as they do in all relationships.. i ended the relationship a couple of times in the heat of the moment because i thought we were both unhappy, but after a couple of days i realised id made a huge mistake and we got back together.

at the start of our fourth year together she got a job in a local supermarket doing the early shifts, and worked with alot of males...i admit i got abit paranoid and let it get in the way abit. but i learned to control it...she met a freind whilst working here (another female) and wanted to start goin out clubbing and stuff, which i didnt have a problem with at first, until it started to become regular and we wouldnt hardly get anytime together due to her working and then going out at weekend..i learnt that this new freind was abit of a slut to put it lightly and my paranoia started to rear its ugly head again, she went out one night and didnt return until 7.30 the next morning, i asked her if she had been un faitful and her reply was ''pfff have i been unfaithfull?! hahaha'' i could see in her face the somethiung wasnt right so i asked the question again, and by this point we were face to face and pretty close, instead of answering she just laughed in my face..so regrettably i pushed her away with my head (not hard, but enough to get her away from me) my son saw this and i immediatley regretted the action...a month or so down the line she finished me and said she couldnt live in fear of me 'headbutting' her again, which seems a little dramatic because it was not a headbutt..any way..bearing in mind we where still living in my hometown at this point and our son was attending school there, she decided to try and stay around here because she didnt want to pull him out of school, a couple of weeks passed and she asked me out on a date to the movies. we went and it went great but i didnt want to let her back in so easily and tried to play hard to get, this didnt work out in my favour and she ended up moving back to HER hometown, which gutted me, she told me that we wernt over for good and not to say goodbye but ..''see you soon'' a few weeks later i asked if i could have my son for the weekend, and she said yeah sure. and he brought her ipad down with him so he had somethibng to play on, she left her facebook and skype logged in, and i stupidly looked through them, to my dismay i found messages from a guy (from my hometown, who happened to be the brother of the girlfriend she met at her job) saying that he loved her and stuff, she was reciprocating but never told him that she loved him back... i never told her that i knew about this, i asked her a couple of weeks later if she would like to give iut another go and she said yes but we should take it slow...

so i took her to a hotel for a weekend, and we had an amazing time, another couple of weeks passed and i finally told her that i knew about this other lad, and she said that it was over between them and that she was sorry, so me and her where still on track at this point,,, a few days later this other lad got into a spot of bother by setting fire to a house, my girlfreind found out about this and messaged him asking if he was okay, i thought nothing of it because she was honest with me...he started to turn suicidal and saying stuff like ''you're the only girl i will ever love and i cant live without you'' so to stop him killing himself she went along with it... this went on for a couple of weeks whilst he was on the run from the police...her and my son came to stay at my mums house just after christmas so we could exchange gifts, we had a lovely time apart from the fact she was messaging this guy constantly, bearing in mind he didnt know we were back together and if he did he would probably commit suicide or something...so she had no choice but to keep messaging him apparently...any way it turned out that she had talked him round to handing himself in when she got back home, and i thought that would be the end of it..but no...our justice system ,crap as it is, released him on police bail....so now that he wasnt on the run from the police, he was skyping her everynight for 4 hours at a time!!! which really upset me because we didnt even get to spend that long on facetime/skype...andway i confronted her about this and she told me she couldnt handle me being in a mood oiver it.. so i said i cant handle being second best to a suicidal victim, and she said so does that mean we're over and i said ..yeah it looks that way... we had a huge argument which then settled down, i=we both told eachoither how much we loved eachother and i said i hope her and this other lad are very happy in their future together...after that she she decided to tell her mum about this incident of the 'headbutting' , which was most definatley not a headbutt!!! i cannot stress that enough, and her mum messaged me sayin she never wants me to contact her daughter again and all that...so i spoke to my ex about it and i said well can i still see my son, and basically she said no, he is not your son, after four and a bit years of bringing up a child as your own, i see that as being a little harsh...i said my final goodbye to her over a message and asked if it was okay to see how my little boy was gettinbg on from time to time.. and her answer was...''dont know'' after this little argument she changed her facebook relation ship status to in a relationship, with this other guy!!! which hurt...alot...it was like she was waiting for us to finish!!!


that was on the fifth of january and i havnt spoke to her since, i have never gone this long without speaking to her...she told me in the last conversation that we had that she would always love me...but do i beleive that, i dont even know if she is missing me or not...this lad she is with now is a complete nutter and suicidal, and from my hometown!!! which is annoying because when she comes to see him that means itll be round the corner from my house!

im scared that he might hurt them! or kill himself infront of them! i love this girl more than anything in the world and no matter what i do to keep myself busy, she is constantly on my mind!
i would get back with her in a heartbeat, but i have to respect the fact she is in a new relationship, but i dont know if that is just a rebound or not...i just dont have a clue, ive not been dealing with this very well, constantly crying, and thinking of all the what ifs under the sun! i just dont know what to do any more...i dont know who i am, ive lost my identity,my purpose..my son...and my one . true . love :'( (u)

p.s ... the part where she laughed in my face when i asked her if she had been unfaithful, her friend messaged me three weeks ago, telling me that she slept with somebody that night... and i told her about this and she became really apologetic and i forgave her and said we could get passed it... thought i would just slip that in there lol

[HeartIsAching]

She's cheated on you - probably multiple times. She's lead you around by your dick, gotten you attached to her (not your) son, and used you to be closer to one of the guys she cheated with while he was running from the cops.

You on the other hand, physically battered her, used emotional blackmail and played stupid games to try to force your will on her.

You two are best off apart.

[lost_lad]

emotional blackmail? stupid games? and no i didnt 'phsically batter her' it was a pushy away with my head, two different things!

[smackie9]

You sound like a possessive person..to some being in a relationship like that would lead them to cheat...she stayed because you were her meal ticket for her and HER son. Your relationship was a train wreck, it ended for the best.

[HeartIsAching]

emotional blackmail? stupid games? and no i didnt 'phsically batter her' it was a pushy away with my head, two different things!

Possibly, depending on the laws where you are. But I doubt they're much different.

[MehicanFather]

Another wife beater? What's happening to this place......

[Boisdevie]

I didn't have the energy to read all that. What did I miss?

[Cerby]

He has posted here before, a seriously rocky relationship with a girl who is a proven cheater, has a child with another dude, and he headbutted. Pretty interesting actually, each time a new post comes up we get more details on this saga of a relationship.

[smackie9]

Dear no matter what the reason why she cheated (we can only speculate) it's still means it's a relationship you shouldn't be in. Next time instead of investing so much of yourself in a relationship so quickly, take your time to get to know them, don't rush into daddy role ( maybe wait til you marry) , just be more reserved.

[lost_lad]

Dear no matter what the reason why she cheated (we can only speculate) it's still means it's a relationship you shouldn't be in. Next time instead of investing so much of yourself in a relationship so quickly, take your time to get to know them, don't rush into daddy role ( maybe wait til you marry) , just be more reserved.

my comments in the chat box were not aimed at you, they were aimed at other users, im not a woman beater, i had a horrible moment which i was pushed towards for a long time, im not excusing what i did, but what i am saying it wasnt my intentions to hurt/scare her x

[MehicanFather]

That's what they all say bro.

[MehicanFather]

You need 12 months therapy, at least. Then you will be a well respected poster, like HIA.

[lost_lad]

not at all! the whole time of our relationship i never even had a thought of harming her, and even that specific moment i didnt think about hurting her! so you can judge all you want... yeah i hold my hands up... i made a mistake, like we all do...id love to know some of your mistakes so i could pick at you about them and make you feel lower than you already do about them!

[MehicanFather]

I had sex with a dwarf once. Big mistake. Fill yer boots bro, I can take it.

[lost_lad]

not that big