How should I proceed?

[bobbytheteam]

Hi all,

I have recently entered a long distance relationship with a girl that lives about 2 hours away. When we are together, we get along great and really enjoy each others company. However, the problem is that in my opinion we are not spending enough time together. Going in, I know that we were not going to be able to see each other 24/7 since we live in different cities and also have busy careers, so we agreed that we will just work this around our schedules.

I work 9-5 Mon-Fri (inflexible) and gets weekends off, and she works Mon-Sun during the day (flexible) in addition to weekends at nighttime (inflexible). The problem is, while I am willing to drive over on the weekends to spend time with her, she does not want to take any time off her work for me, which renders my drives pointless since I could be running my own errands in the meantime rather than driving 4 hours total just to see her for maybe 2-3 hours if I am lucky. She thinks this is more than enough time for the two of us. I disagree.

She did tell me that she may be able to take one day off each month to spend time with me. However, seeing each other once a month for me is a non-starter. I am not by any means clingy but I don't think its unreasonable to see my girlfriend once a week or even once every two weeks if we are extremely busy. Anything less than that and I don't think there is a point since we will never develop the required intimacy to take the "next step" in this relationship. This problem gets even more complicated when she told me she is taking off a whole week to hang out with her friend (who lives extremely far away and so they don't see too often), which really irked me because of our situation. I have even tried getting her to come on a weekday (and I'll just call in sick or use a vacation day once in a while) but she has been evasive about this so far. All this tells me that her priority is either her job/her friends and not on me. I've tried making my point to her but to avail, she is quite stubborn and doesn't see what she is doing wrong here!

How should I deal with this? I don't want to be pushy or an ass about this but I think I deserve more of her time without having to almost beg for it. Should I call it quits while its still early and don't have too much invested? I really do want to give this a try but I am not sure if the feeling is being reciprocated here. Maybe it would be better if this was a casual (friends with benefits) sort of thing but talking to her she seemed to want this to be a committed relationship. Her actions to me indicate otherwise though. Any and all advice will be appreciated, thanks!

[Boisdevie]

When we are together, we get along great and really enjoy each others company.

Yep, but unless you can conquer time and space the physical distance between the two of you means this relationship is going nowhere. Shame there are no women in your own city.

[dem862]

It doesn't sound like you can get the face time required to deepen this relationship. And likely the burden of travel on you will become onerous over time. Since her schedule is the most restrictive and flexible, it seems like she would be the one to make time for you, which she is not doing. She probably realizes the distance is too great and has tentative feelings about the relationship. It does sound like her priorities are elsewhere.

[geminimoongal]

I think you should finish with her because she is being extremely selfish or she is not that in to you.
If you do end it and she realizes she really likes you then she will contact you.

[bobbytheteam]

Yeah, I live in a small town of 400 people so the numbers are not really in my favour. She lives in the nearest big city of 700,000+ people...

[adalinaabella]

It is totally depends on you who you want to move.