Why has he done this?

**pinky100** · 16-01-13, 07:41 PM

Hello, I wonder if you can help me. I have been seeing a chap on and off for the last 18 months. We got back together at the beginning of December. He has a very close relationship with his ex (I will refer to her as 'J') - the mother of his children. I have previously checked his text messages to discover very flirtatious texts exchanged between them. He also has a close female friend (I will refer to as 'S') who he met on line and dated for about 8 months just before he met me. Two weeks after we got back together in December I again checked his phone and found out he had made plans to go on a skiing holiday with S. He knows I am very uncomfortable with their relationship; they often meet up to go to the cinema, play squash, have dinner in very expensive restaurants, he invites her to watch him play hockey, they go to comedy clubs etc. He insists she is just a friend and constantly reassures me that he has no desire to sleep with S or J, has no sexual feelings towards either of them. When we got back together in December he asked me to move in with him - so our relationship was a serious one.

I'm struggling with why he would say lovely things to me, ask me to move in, suggest we spend the rest of our lives together, introduce me to his children, give me money, take me on holiday but still do things behind my back. He said he wasn't sure how he was going to tell me about the holiday. What's really important here is that although he made the arrangements prior to us getting back together, he actually booked the holiday after we got back together. I can expect you're thinking, well maybe he does actually love you and is genuine and S IS really just a friend.

But, they will be sharing a room.

He is a very charismatic and flirtatious person by nature. Has a lot of female friends. He says I'm out of his league. He has previously cheated on partners and has been very open and honest with me about his past. But I am really struggling to believe him when he says there's nothing going on.

I've taken today off of work, today is the day they fly. I didn't sleep at all last night and the little sleep I did have I dreamt of him. I love him. I know he loves me. But why does he have such little respect for me. Thank you x

**Guybrush** · 17-01-13, 04:46 AM

Seriously, don't you think you deserve better than this??

Read through your own post. There are several issues here that are sufficient to justify dumping the prick immediately on their own. I am sorry, but you need to wake up and realise that you are too good for this.

1: "I have been seeing a chap on and off for the last 18 months".
Why on and off?? You should be constantly in love for the first 18 months. If a relationship is on and off, it should probably have been permanently OFF after the first attempt. It is not supposed to be THAT difficult.

2: "made plans to go on a skiing holiday with S. He knows I am very uncomfortable with their relationship"
No exes should ever be allowed to interfere with a healthy relationship. It is common sense and disrespectful to your feelings. A perfectly good reason to dump him on its own.

3: "He said he wasn't sure how he was going to tell me about the holiday" So he felt bad about it and still went ahead and did it? He has gotten used to you accepting far too much.

4: "But, they will be sharing a room. " And you are just going to allow that?

5: "He says I'm out of his league" Whoaaaaah! Now isn't that charming?

6: "He has previously cheated on partners and has been very open and honest with me about his past." Not boyfriend material, then. How do you think a notorious serial-adulterer will behave in a relationship with a woman who does not set any clear boundries and seemingly puts up with anything? I'm sorry, but you are enabling his behaviour.

Each of these six points are reasons enough of their own to get rid of this prick. YOu deserve better!

**smackie9** · 17-01-13, 05:45 AM

Dear you must have no self worth to be in a relationship like this. He is very charismatic and flirtatious person by nature and says lovely things to you...and you fell for his bull shit very easily. Don't go by words...words are easily spoken, take a look at his actions, actions speak the truth.

No he doesn't love you, if he did he wouldn't have a need to be womanizing behind your back...you are very gullible to think he loves you and he wants a future with you...what a load of crap....he has been playing you my dear, all this time. When it doesn't feel right, it's because it's not.

**Wakeup** · 17-01-13, 06:37 AM

Yes... you know yourself that this is disrespectful and inappropriate, pinky. Brush said it all.

**Love'sReject** · 17-01-13, 06:52 AM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

Yes... you know yourself that this is disrespectful and inappropriate, annabelle. Brush said it all.

You have to admit; "annabelle"s was a cool story.

**Wakeup** · 17-01-13, 07:01 AM

Changed that up to the *right* user name :o)

**Cerby** · 17-01-13, 01:18 PM

Originally Posted by Annabelle29

great post gaybrush.

haha gaybrush. Well, I'll never look at that username the same way.

**Guybrush** · 17-01-13, 04:09 PM

Originally Posted by Cerby

haha gaybrush. Well, I'll never look at that username the same way.

Not to mention that the whole Monkey Island series is now forever tainted. Was Elaine just a guy in drag?

**pinky100** · 17-01-13, 08:27 PM

Thank you.

**pinky100** · 17-01-13, 08:29 PM

Thank you. I constantly say to him his actions speak louder than words. He is a prick. I know this.

**pinky100** · 17-01-13, 08:30 PM

Thank you. I constantly say to him his actions speak louder than words. He is a prick. I know this.
Can I also clarify; when he said I'm out of his league - its actually because he thinks I'm too good for him. I appreciate the feedback, just needed to hear it x

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