Long one here, please help

[fhs]

Hello Everyone,

I am posting in this forum because my heart is very heavy and I have no one I can speak to. My story is I have had four serious relationships and I have never slept with anyone outside of a relationship. I have been with this younger girl for six months. She is great, fun and happy. When we started dating she asked how many people I had slept with and I gave the answer, 4 she then proceeds to tell me she has had 6 (I didn’t ask, I would rather not know) and so based on that I decided it was acceptable to me to keep seeing her.

As time went by, I discovered that her number was actually higher to the point I would get angry when she would slip as I felt cheated since I wanted someone who had kept herself for me as I kept myself for them. Since I already loved her I did my best to keep these thoughts to myself barring the occasional outburst.

Our sex life is well, a bit cold. She seemed very timid and inexperienced inspite of her having been with so many people. I often questioned how come she seemed not to desire me to which she would say that she was never sexual. I would get angry countering if that was true she wouldn’t have slept with so many people. It has been a battle but I managed to bottle this again because for us to move forward I need to forget her past.

The thing is, yesterday, she blurts out without my asking that she used to do a certain somewhat kinky sex act with her exes which shocked me. I questioned her on it because I couldn’t believe what she said and she repeats and explains what she did. I then blew my top absolutely and brought her home immediately. She is well, not sexual with me and yet did that to many others, she would say before that she values our relationship and sex isn’t important to her. We both come from conservative backgrounds and she clearly rebelled with the excuse she was living life to the fullest.

She told me she never did certain things in bed and that I was special but admitted yesterday that she had done them all. The lies were too much, I didn’t ask her to tell me although I wanted to feel special which I need. She volunteered it before and now takes it all back. Adding a lot of pain to me was her revelation that she would do that particularly kinky act with her exes. She now keeps saying that she shouldn’t have said it, that her memories were clouded and swears that never happened and cannot explain why she even said that. Again, I didn’t probe or ask, she volunteered it and when I got angry at the way she was and comparing to how we are she then takes it all back saying she never did those things.

I don’t believe her, as much as I love her, the lie is too big and now all I can think of are all her men doing that to her. I am very conservative by nature and want someone who lived their life like I did. As much as I love her, that last blow was too much. This hurts so badly. Is there any chance she isn’t lying about it not being true what she herself said? I know my answer, but I need your help. I have no one else to turn to. I don’t know what to do. I am heartbroken and sad.

[fhs]

Follow up, can I even trust her? Everything she said was a lie, she doesn't know why she said those things she says.

[Cerby]

It is her past, and you're slut shaming her. The asshole here is you. She is with you right now, and that should be what matters, but some people can't get over someone elses past. Best you break up and move on.

Life pro tip: Don't ever ask or tell the person you're dating how many people you've been with. It would have avoided this completely.

[Wakeup]

Op: (this time) I don't agree with Cerby. She volunteered all this stuff to you (or slipped up on her lie and revealed the truth) knowing that you were conservative in nature and when you got upset about it, she lied and said she really didn't do it. Her lying or being confused and not actually knowing if she did or didn't is good enough reason for you to break up with her. She sounds like a nut who has issues with telling the truth and who has no filter on what comes out of her own mouth to be honest and the two of you are sexually incompatible by the sounds of things. (one person's freaky is another's bliss).

Find someone more like yourself. There is absolutely no point in you staying with someone that you can't be comfortable with.

[smackie9]

Maybe she finds you sexually boring, and leaked out those things in hopes you would get up to speed with what she is really looking for in a partner. Obviously you are not and it back fired on her....better to find out this early in the game, it's only 6 months. She is lousy at communicating and plays stupid games, so it's a no brainer to get out while you can. Don't let love cloud your brain, walk away.

[banjo]

I think you have to set emotions aside and just try to get the real story from her. She said she has slept with 6 guys, says she's done these things with other guys, and then she is timid in bed with you and takes back what she's said... It just doesn't add up to me. Maybe she is sort of (in a strange way) trying to impress you, or turn you on, by acting like she's more experienced than she is?

Don't get angry with her. If you really love her, just sit down, and tell her why you were upset after she said what she did and tell her you want to know the truth (if you even do!) And if you don't just tell her you don't really want to talk about the sex she's had in the past, but if she has ideas for sex between the two of you in your future, you are all ears.

[Steelers<3]

She probably feels SCARED to tell you. Sex is a natural thing. How can you expect a woman to "save" herself for you when both of you had been sexually active with other partners before meeting? Sex is a natural part of life. It sounds to me like you judge her way too harshly on her past. Being with 6 men? Even 10? Shit... Thats a LOW number compared to some women. STOP JUDGING her. She probably did more sexually adventurous things in her previous relationships because those men let her be herself. If you stopped judging her so much and bringing up her past and flat out telling her that it disgusted you, she might feel more comfortable and be inclined to try new things. Christ...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

FHS, you are a bitch. You should blow your brains out, or just castrate yourself.

[fhs]

Thank you all for your replies. I am actually over it all now, I wrote this when it was fresh, I was in pain and needed the opinions of people unknown to us. I didn't slut shame her purposely, I was just in complete shock because again, I really don't want to know the past of anyone so I don't ask. A number was given to me without asking (6) and I could live with that, its just that when a very, very different number was blurted out for a certain sex act I was in shock and quite angry which made me question the truth of anything said to me. She never had to lie about anything, I never asked. I suppose I seem like an ass but yes, it was difficult and confusing to take.

Anyway, thanks to all again, I appreciate the time spent in replying. I decided to stay with her as this is the only thing in question and she has been a great girlfriend. I just hope there is nothing else that is untrue.