Did I really lose the one that got away again? Did I ever have him? Advice PLEASE!

[banjo]

Hey dudes,

I am a 27 year old female. I look good, am fit, fun, spontaneous, and smart. I am in grad school now. I am successful, just bought my first home, have a couple dogs... I'm easy going, and generally get along with pretty much everyone. I recently broke up with a guy I'd dated for a few years.

6 years ago, I had a summer relationship with a guy. Both of us went to school in other states but were from the same state originally. We met when I was visiting some people at his school, and started talking online, then on the phone, then on the phone and texting even when I went abroad for a couple months. When I came back home we talked every night and visited each other and seemed to love each others company. The chemistry was great.

When I went back to school that year we talked on the phone every night for probably the first 2 weeks of school and then he told me that it was too hard and he didn't want to talk to me anymore. He thought that us being in different states and in school was just not really sustainable for a relationship, and I begrudgingly agreed.

Over the next 6 years we exchanged a couple Facebook messages and that's really it. But I've always been SO attracted to him and kind of considered him the guy that got away.

Fast forward to my winter break, 2 weeks ago. I am once again in school out of state. Grad school this time. I was home to visit my parents for a couple weeks and a few days before I left I contacted him out of the blue to catch up, because I knew he was living in town. The night he could hang out ended up being the night before I left. We met up at a bar and instantly had that connection. It was great to see him and I could tell he was glad to see me too. We talked about everything! Our jobs/school, plans for our futures, wanting kids, etc. (and I am NOT the type of girl that tells dudes how much I want babies. That was all him!) He is applying to grad schools now (also out of state) and hoping to get into a program for this fall. Anyway, there was drinking and making out. I was surprised since I didn't really expect things to go that way, but excited because I instantly liked him again. I guess that's my problem Anyway, I drove him home (I had the car since he lives in the city now.) He kept trying to convince me to have sex with him. Of course I wanted to, but we left it at making out since I was leaving the next day.

The next day he texted me and asked me if he should come out to visit me. So this is 12 hours later when he's had some rest, perspective, and sobered up. We texted back and forth for a few days about how he might visit, we talked about what we were up to those days, sent some sexy texts back and forth, etc. We agreed to "keep things simple and honest." Then he texted less frequently for a few days... weird. I thought, but I eased up on the texts too. Don't want to seem desperate. Then a few nights ago he starts sending sexy texts, I reciprocate, he said he wanted to talk to me on the phone. I texted back that I thought he didn't want to talk on the phone (I just got that feeling with all the texting and no phone calls until then.) Anyway, he called me right as a friend also called me with a crisis on her hands. She was on the way to my house. I didn't pick up because I was talking to her. She came to my house, I texted him back about the issue, and when I got a spare minute from her, I ran upstairs and told him I was sorry and explained the situation. He seemed to understand. I texted him a few more times how sorry I was, etc. When my friend went to sleep (she slept over.... like I said, she was in crisis. I'm a good friend. I wanted to help her out) I asked if he was still up. He wasn't.

The next day he said he wasn't mad but stopped texting. So, I stopped texting too. and nothing. The next day I decided I would just write him a Facebook message asking him what's going on. I just said that we'd agreed to keep things simple and honest, and I didn't feel like things were either. I just wanted to know why he'd gone from wanting to fly 1000 miles to visit me to not texting at all! The next day I got 3 texts pretty close together. The first said "I'm sorry, I do want to talk, this is a good thing, I'm just really busy." The second again said sorry, and was I mad? the third said "please lets not stop talking" or something like that. Finally I wrote back and just said "It's ok. I'm busy too that's why I couldn't text back." LATE that night (last night!) after I'd gone to bed he texted "I miss you." This morning when I woke up I texted "I miss you too."

So that's pretty much my story because today I waited for texts and found nothing. It honestly really bums me out. Can someone please shed some light on what is going on? I am not the desperate type, and don't want to make it seem like I am by contacting him when he's not reciprocating. Is he just doing the same thing he did 6 years ago where he just very slowly shuts me out? I would hope that he has matured in the 6 years since then! I know I have.

I can picture myself VERY happy with this guy if somehow we could sustain some sort of relationship 'til I finish school. We want a lot of the same things out of life, and I just love being with him. I can honestly picture marrying him (I know, I know, I have told no one, including him, about that. I know better than that!)

I feel like this guy may have trust/lady issues given the fact that he is hot and cold like this and that he hasn't had a long term, serious girlfriend since high school (8 years ago!) but I have given him no reason to feel like I would abuse his trust.

I'm just sad because I feel like somehow I've blown my second chance with the one that got away. I know we live far away, but all of our friends are getting married and everything. If there's THIS much chemistry and THIS much to talk about 6 years later, don't you think that exploring this relationship is worth the obvious difficulties? I'm not talking about full blown long distance relationship, just exploring what this is between us. That's kind of how I see it...

Someone please help shed some light on whats going on! :/ What should I do to make him want to talk to me/be with me?

[Steelers<3]

I think you have the right idea. I kind of want to tell you to lay things out on the table for him very simply. Let him know that you've always thought about him, and after spending time together that night, felt alot of chemistry, and its something that you really want to explore in the future. I'm not sure if that would be too pushy though, so I'm second guessing my response, sorry... But if you did, see what he said. I think that if you feel there is something there, then yes, it is worth the difficulties. But he has to feel it too, and you need to know that. The distance might make it impossible, and thats something you might have to accept too

[basilandthyme]

Sounds to me like you caught up with an old friend, had a few drinks, made out and that's it. There's nothing in any of this which implies he wants an actual relationship with you.

[smackie9]

You are being desperate and he is being realistic by keeping things cool. You are so full of it that you won't want a full blown LDR. You are already there, and disappointed he's not hopping on a plane to see you.

I doubt he's in an emotional whirl wind like you are...I think he is just a lonely guy that was hoping for a little action...and since he isn't getting any, there's no point in putting so much energy into it.....he's got needs and he's gonna want to keep his options open...he's just being a guy.

You need to get your head out of your butt, your emotions are getting way out of control.