Guy with girlfriend is being very flirtatious.

[inamourata]

Hi, I feel a little silly, I just need to get an outside perspective.

I started my new job in September and there is a guy there with whom I felt an instant attraction to. We became friendly quite quickly. And even though he has a girlfriend, I have found his behaviour very flirtatious. I am one of those people who does not read into things easily, if anything I really try to examine a lot of possibilities. But this behaviour does confuse me. He began messaging me on Facebook to chat and has continued to do so since then, every night. It is always him who initiates the chat. Our friendship became even closer and we began hanging out a lot - my friend told me that a couple of people had asked her if he and I were an item. He told me he likes it when I visit him in his office everyday for a chat and says he misses me when I do not visit.

Now, I do find his behaviour flirtatious because he is very tactile, doing things like touching my arm and rubbing my back. He puts his arm around me and rubs around my waist area. When we hug he puts his arms around my waist. After work we go out as a group on Fridays and he does things like rubbing my leg (not for long, a few seconds)and his leg was touching mine one evening. For about 30 minutes. I noticed that he will say something very flirty and then mention his girlfriend afterwards. I just thought he was letting me know he was taken and I am not one to imagine something that is not there, but his behavior does confuse me a lot because i think touching is quite personal thing. He says I look nice every day, says I am pretty, which is fine. It is the touching which leads me to believe he is flirting. I also noticed that he looks at women a lot - there are many women at work and he is always checking them out. I caught him looking at a girl's butt, and also at another's legs as she crossed them. Now, you may say this is normal and yes, it is. But he is rather obvious. And this leads me to believe he is just enjoying the attention with me and the fact that i can be somebody he can flirt with. I am under no illusion that he wants anything other than that. Obviously it just bugs me a great deal.

Maybe he just enjoys a flirt with me but I am developing a crush and obviously I feel like an awful girl because he is taken. Also, I do not want to get hurt. He invites me out, just us. He recently asked to come over to mine for a DVD night and he said he would cook for me. It has gotten to the stage where it has bugged me so much that I began ignoring him last week because it is starting to drive me nuts, and also, i think about his girlfriend and how she would feel. And how I would feel if my other half went to somebody's house for a cosy night in. I want to spend time with him, yet i know it is the wrong thing to do. I wondered what your take on it is? I feel like I am doing the right thing by ignoring, even though I miss him and want to be around him. But it really is not going anywhere - and he is taken!

[smackie9]

Remeber a guy will do and say anything to get sex. He wants to boink you period. He mentions his GF because he is letting you know he willing to have a fling on the side just for fun. He is looking for a fling my dear, I can't believe you don't see it. So far you have been having an emotional affair with him...dating with out sex. You know this is inappropriate behavior, especially in the workplace. Keep your pants on and look the other way next time he starts putting on the charm....he is nothing but bad news.

[Wakeup]

Shut him down if it bugs you so much. The guy is acting inappropriately (if it's going down as you describe) for a man who is in a committed relationship. Obviously you realize this but you've not been brave enough, or you enjoy the attention too much to tell him to back off and outright tell him that his action inappropriately for someone in a relationship. Now, because you've let it go on for so long, you've become infatuated with him and his attention.

Just calmly tell him to stop touching you or show him in actions (by immediately moving away when his tactile flirting begins) that you don't accept his touch. If he asks you out one-on-one simply ask him to invite his gf along or tell him outright that you find one-on-one date like activities with taken men to be disrespectful to your gf. Or, just simply ask "will your gf be joining us?"

Sounds like since you and anyone else he's showing undue attention to has never shut him down so Romeo thinks it's acceptable behaviour.

[Elias Alucard]

Definitely a bad guy

[Beenthere]

Guys and girls, even in relationships will occassionally check someone out.. he is obviously into you in a bigger way. Like the others say, he could be just in for a fling from his current relationship, or his relationship might be dead and he has all but left. If he asks you again, just say you dont EVER go out with taken men He then knows where he stands. If he ends up single and you do go there.. just be aware of what he did at the end of his previous relationship.