First break up, unsure how to feel? Please read.

[overratedlove]

I'm 20 years old and broke up with my first boyfriend on new year's eve, 3 weeks ago. We were together 4 months, I don't think we were ever in love per se, but I feel like I was definitely getting there. The break up itself was quite peaceful, we both agreed to still be friends and his reasons were that he has some issues to sort out and wasn't really available emotionally, that's it wasn't fair on me to keep pushing me away. He told me he wanted to get counselling for depression. The break up wasn't unexpected, we'd been having issues for a while and I had at the time been back at my parents place 4 hours away for just over a month. During that month we'd talked on the phone once and a couple of times on facebook, not for my lack of trying but he just was not making himself available.
This was all well and good and understandable, I was of course upset but had some hopes that maybe we could try again in the future when he had sorted some things out. Less than a week after we broke up it's apparent that he's already got with another girl. While this hurts a lot, I'm at the point now where I have accepted that it's happened and that it's not a reflection of me or anything I did but more that he was in a bad place and this girl might be providing some happiness. I just feel really betrayed and hurt, I know he cared enough about me that he did not cheat, but I believe he was definitely planning to get with her before we broke up, that something was starting a couple of weeks before hand. My problem is, I've come really far in the healing process in the last week-have blocked him on facebook so I don't see the pictures and am really coming to terms with the whole situation, I've accepted it for the most part. But then there's part of me that still feels so betrayed and angry, and then there's the part of me that can't help imagining him with me, when I go to sleep I want to pretend he's there, when I'm out and about I imagine what he would say in a conversation or an interaction. I still want him around. I'm scared that if I can't let him go completely I won't ever be able to move on, I want this pining and pain to go away. While I know I don't want to get back with him, I just still miss him so much. Why aren't I more angry? How do I handle this, I want to be friends with him eventually but that could just be residual feelings, he has acted like a dick and I want to be free of missing him but I don't know when this will come. I should be angrier but I'm not. When will I stop feeling hurt and stop missing him? Am I just expecting too much too soon? I want him to be happy with this girl, I really do but it hurts a lot that he moved on SO quickly when I'm still grieving, and I feel like his break up reasons were a complete lie. I don't understand why he lied. Though he seemed so genuinely sad at the time. I think about him 99% of the day, I just want to finally accept what has happened and move on.
That was an essay , bloody heck lol. Thanks so much for reading, any helpful input would be really appreciated.

[dem862]

Sorry you broke up with your boyfriend, but it was probably for the better. People take different lengths of time to grieve. There are stages of grief and it sounds like you are pretty far along already. You are going back and forth between anger and sadness, and you realize that acceptance will come eventually. You are young, and female. There will be no shortage of guys who are interested in you, when you are ready. I know it hurts terribly since he was your first boyfriend. But if he was lying to you about needing to sort things out, then it just wasn't working. He probably lied because he couldn't come out and tell you he wanted something or someone else, and he was trying to spare your feelings. I can tell it won't be long until you have recovered from this at the rate you are moving. And you have your whole life ahead of you, so get out there whenever you are ready and make yourself available.

[overratedlove]

Sorry you broke up with your boyfriend, but it was probably for the better. People take different lengths of time to grieve. There are stages of grief and it sounds like you are pretty far along already. You are going back and forth between anger and sadness, and you realize that acceptance will come eventually. You are young, and female. There will be no shortage of guys who are interested in you, when you are ready. I know it hurts terribly since he was your first boyfriend. But if he was lying to you about needing to sort things out, then it just wasn't working. He probably lied because he couldn't come out and tell you he wanted something or someone else, and he was trying to spare your feelings. I can tell it won't be long until you have recovered from this at the rate you are moving. And you have your whole life ahead of you, so get out there whenever you are ready and make yourself available.

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply. I guess its just all about time.

[LoveCoachNZ]

Hey

Been through a very similar situation myself.. in fact, been through so many of them that i now want to help people.. i do feel your pain.. and yes their is a grieving process, and yes you are most of the way through it.... and despite the situation and reasons for the breakup you are an amazing person Your mind is a super powerful thing, and it is really great to hear that you have blocked him on facebook... I want to offer you a suggestion.. and again its only a suggestion, please take from it anything you feel will help you along your way to emotional freedom

1. Keep doing something... 1 or 2 things a week that help take the focus away from your ex... ( you have started with Facebook ) Look at getting rid of photos, gifts, anything that has MEANING attached to it, and is associated with your ex... Focus = feeling... take focus away from what makes you feel a certain way and you will find yourself starting to disconnect very quickly

2. Empower yourself everyday... remind yourself that you are beautiful, that you deserve love, that you are love, that you are special, that you can move forward, that you are strong, that you are amazing, that you deserve the best, that what he did or did not do was ALL to do with him, and nothing to do with you, that he came in to your life for a positive reason, that you will find your way!


Peace N Love

Coach

[overratedlove]

Thankyou for the reply... I did a bad thing. I was online looking for rooms to rent as I'm moving away to go to uni soon, and I came across an ad he'd made for himself, picture and all, also looking for rooms in the same area. What a kick in the gut that was. I've been thinking lately that I really do miss him, but I'm pretty sure I don't really want to get back with him. When we first broke up he was really adamant about remaining friends, and he was in a bad place. I'm scared that my blocking him on fb might've really upset him which I never wanted to do, and since then I've wanted to make the peace. So today after I saw his ad, I texted him :/ Just a simple, "saw your ad, good luck with your search, hope your new girl is treating you well and sorry about blocking you on fb I just needed space. Might see you around next year". But since then I've been so confused about what I feel. I know I miss his friendship, that's why I sent the message but I didn't think it was more than that. Or I thought I was further along than this. I shouldn't have sent it. I think in my heart I still want more, or maybe I'm just clinging to the past and to happier times in wake of a daunting change. I really just want to stop feeling things for him. I fluctuate constantly between anger and hurt, sadness and then acceptance. It's so so confusing.

[overratedlove]

I just want to stop clinging