I am his perfect girl yet he isn't in love with me

[Splurgeface]

Today I found out the man I am in love with doesn't feel the same about me. He says he really fancies me and enjoys sex with me and I am perfect for him in every way, yet he feels no spark.

A bit of background info - we have been friends for about ten years. I knew him throughout the whole of my previous relationship but we were just friends. Since I separated from my partner and he separated from his we have had a closer friendship and have been having sex. I felt he was really into me by the way he looked at the and the way he wanted to spend time with me, and we always seemed to have a brilliant time together. However, he now says he cares too much about me and doesn't want to hurt me, and even though he finds me really attractive and I am everything he wants in a woman, he knows he can never fall in love with me.

Is there a man out there who can give me some pointers as to what is going through his mind, because it baffles me that he can like me that much but not feel any kind of love.

Thanks for all advice.

[madotnw_nihs]

Here are some possibilities.
1. He loved you long time ago, and doesn't feel the same anymore.
2. You are in the friends zone with benefits. (I have had really good friends before that I would do anything for, but didn't feel we could be life-time partners)
We could have had sex, but I had reasons not to.
3. Maybe he doesn't know what the spark/love is? (you need to ask him if he has felt it before with someone else)

[HeartIsAching]

I'm gonna guess #3 - a lot of people don't know what love is. They mistake that fluttery-in-the-stomach feeling as love, when it's really just infatuation, lust and giddiness.

Love is the part that makes you smile when you think of them - and they're in your thoughts often. Love is what makes you give them the bigger piece of cake. Love is what makes someone push someone else out of the way of danger. Love is what makes you think twice before taking something another says the wrong way. Love is getting happy when they're (or you're) on the way home. Love is when you're happy if they're happy, and they're happy when you're happy.

[madotnw_nihs]

Sorry I forgot I was assuming he wasn't lying.

4. You are not his perfect girl.

It is true that the fluttery feeling isn't really love. And it makes sense in your situation. Since you have known each other for so long, he wouldn't suddenly develop that "knot in the stomach" feeling. Love instead is something that grows over time and it consumes more and more of your life.

[basilandthyme]

I agree that the answer is #4 You're not his perfect girl.

When he meets his truly perfect girl, he WILL fall in love.

[smackie9]

Actually there is no spark because he is not new to you...10 years, you know him pretty well so there is no suspense, no mystery, nothing. The only thing that is different between you two is the sex. There was never a honeymoon period.

This type of relationship takes a long time to develop past the friendship stage. Be patient.

Men do develop love through sexual connection....maybe the sex isn't enough to bring that spark.

[Splurgeface]

Smackie9, this is exactly what I was wondering.

[ashley89]

I think if you were his perfect girl, he would be with you. Honestly a lot of times guys say stuff like they "care too much about you" or "don't want to hurt you" as excuses to try to explain why they don't want to be with you, when the real fact of the matter is you're just not right for each other. if you really loved and cared about someone, had great sex and they were perfect for you, wouldn't you want to be with them? if he really felt this way he wouldn't be giving these cliche reasons for not wanting to be with you.

[smackie9]

And sadly enough tho he is softly rejecting you. Maybe it was not meant to be.

[Boisdevie]

She's clearly not as perfect for him as she thinks.

[smackie9]

This what happens when you admire from afar for along time, and then one day you finally get to have what you have been waiting for...and it turns out that it's not what you had expected.

[afekson]

Today I found out the man I am in love with doesn't feel the same about me. He says he really fancies me and enjoys sex with me and I am perfect for him in every way, yet he feels no spark.

A bit of background info - we have been friends for about ten years. I knew him throughout the whole of my previous relationship but we were just friends. Since I separated from my partner and he separated from his we have had a closer friendship and have been having sex. I felt he was really into me by the way he looked at the and the way he wanted to spend time with me, and we always seemed to have a brilliant time together. However, he now says he cares too much about me and doesn't want to hurt me, and even though he finds me really attractive and I am everything he wants in a woman, he knows he can never fall in love with me.

Is there a man out there who can give me some pointers as to what is going through his mind, because it baffles me that he can like me that much but not feel any kind of love.

Thanks for all advice.

I think the only pleasure he drives from your relationship with him is the sex. You really need to ask him to pour out his heart; to tell you if he really loves you or not.

[Splurgeface]

Well we have been very good friends for ten years and I feel I know him well enough to know he doesn't only want to know me for sex, seeing as we have had it three times in the last three months. Before this we always had brilliant fun together and have confided everything in each other. He said he hoped love for me would grow, but it just didn't. He wants to go back to being just friends now.

[phantom694u]

Sex with a friend never works. That boundary should never have been crossed. Friendship can grow into love if you didn't give him easy access to sex. Guys think very differently. Once we have sex with a girl we are not in love with, then it will stay that way.

[smackie9]

That's a load.