Loss of sexual attraction

[Yardbird]

My lady and I have been together nearly 4 years now but recently she's mentioned a loss of sexual attraction to me. Well one thing led to another. She wanted space to see if the absence would help her miss being with me. All her confusion and shifty emotions were dragging me under and eventually I had to break it off fully. I cut all communication so she can have her "space" without keeping her foot in the door so to speak. We have been quite into each other for a long time and I honestly thought "this was the one." I was planning on asking her to marry me after we finished up all our schooling and everything. But it seemed almost overnight... We were semi-long distance by the way... Just a couple hours apart though which was a temporary situation... One month she's crazy for me. The next time I see her she's losing attraction but not telling me. The next month she lays it out on me and we spend a while trying to correct it and go on dates and rekindle it. That fails. Then she asks for a break so she can attempt to miss me. Then I break up with her... Apparently she's absolutely torn now. Not by the fact that we broke up so much, but by the fact that she feels she's lost me as a friend... We were nearly inseparable emotionally.

I don't know what to do. Honestly I am head over heals for this lady. She is average at best, but I have never felt deeper companionship with anyone else. I talked with one of my friends who went through a very similar situation. He said he cut off all contact with the girl, kept living his life, being a happy person and doing his thing, and by a months time she was calling him back balling her eyes out because she felt so left out of his life and was asking to be back.

I don't know... I guess I just want to know if I'm doing the right thing. I wasn't mean about it. I just told her I was too hurt to continue on like this. She wanted her space so I gave it to her. I feel so stuck I want to be with her but I don't want her to be unattracted to me. I honestly couldn't picture my life with anyone else though... Do you think it's likely she would become attracted to me after a little distance and missing what we had? I mean... that was her idea from the beginning. I just can't tell how realistic that is. She absolutely loves me and kept telling me "we're going to make this work" but I could just tell that it wasn't working the way we were going about it... I'm hoping a little soul searching will do the trick. But I just don't know how one fixes a loss of sexual attraction... It's just never happened for me so I can't relate.

[Boisdevie]

If you BOTH want this to work then you really need to work out why there has been this loss of sexual attraction. But sometimes relationships do fail and it doesn't mean that you or her are bad people and don't whatever you do try to prolong a failing relationship because 'we've been together such a long time'.

[Yardbird]

Well we're certainly not prolonging it as it's over. She really doesn't know why there is a loss of sexual attraction. She's still physically attracted to me. Still calls me cute and admires my physical appearance. Sounds more like things just got kind of stale and routine but I don't really know what else you'd expect being in a long term relationship. Stale patches will come and go as we are two different people with two different lives to focus on. I guess the thing is... I REALLY want this girl back. And I know she loves me a ton. We have a lot of history and have been incredibly close the entire time. I just don't know the best way to do this. Give both of ourselves some room to live our lives separate, then several months down the road see her and progress into a dating sort of thing to try and respark a little romance but very subtly? I know I have no guarantee, but given the relationship we had it seems pretty absurd to end it like this. I mean, up until that magic turning point we were madly in love. So in my mind it seems like it's a phase or something. Let me make clear that she is a horribly confused person at the moment. She was flip flopping on whether to split or not. She stopped having sex with me or any serious intimate connection. But she was still reaching out for kisses and other more subtle signs of affection before I broke it off.

[michelle23]

I went through a phase of feeling like your girlfriend but at the time I was depressed as someone very close to me died and for two years I was kind of stuck in limbo not sure what to do. But since I have done a lot of my grieving all my feelings and attraction for him have come back... I realized there was nothing wrong with him or our relationship-just something wrong with me.. And we are so strong now. I want to marry him..

Maybe she is just going through a phase of doubts. Look up relationship stages and youll know what Im talking about. Apparently it is normal and every long term couple has them. I think just give her space and have no contact for awhile. Dont beg or plead or tell her you love her etc. Shell more than likely bounce back into your life like a tornado. I hope it all works out for you.

Maybe she is just craving something new or exciting and if she is-let her go and do it. Shell quickly realize the grass is not greener and shell be back.