What is the truth?

[jz9212]

The last relationship I was in failed and over the last 7 months I have worked through every aspect of that relationship what went wrong how I messed up what I need to fix etc. I'm still madly in love with this chick... I know that when I move on and find a new gf ill be appealing to her and shell reach out. I dont want to put myself in a love triangle. What is the truth about this sort of thing? I feel like if I just take on a **** it attitude and forget her I'll be missing out an opportunity to actually make something meaningful happen. If I just move on and leave it to the will of god will I get exactly what I need to have love again or will I be passing up on a great opportunity with this girl? I just want some way to let her kno I'm worth another try.

[Wakeup]

She knows where you are. If SHE thinks you're worth "another try" she'll let ya know. (one would think that after 7 months time gone by that if she was going to, she would have contacted you with a "lets try again" message. She hasn't) In the meantime, consider her not worth YOUR while and get on with your life without her in it. Don't date anyone right now, you'll just hurt her after you finish using her as your human bandage that helps your ego through the pain of your breakup.

*Consider your time with her a life lesson that you can take to and apply in your next relationship. Seems, this girl you pine for isn't meant to be your mate for life.

[kskts6115]

Hey I'm sorry to say it but I think your window of opportunity has past.. It's been quite a bit of time and nothing has happened. I really do feel for you because I'm in the same position, I'm the one who would do anything to try again too. And its hard to accept that you can feel so strongly while the other person doesn't and it really does hurt. It sucks that the fate of your relationship is in another person's hands but you can't change their mind as much as you want to. You seem like a great guy who can care a lot about a girl and you deserve someone who feels the same way about you! I know its hard to move on and I can barely take my own advice but maybe you should work on you for a little while. Like forget dating and just try to make yourself happy. I know its very difficult and I'm in the same boat but I think at this time you just need to focus on yourself and maybe love will come again when you least expect it with someone worthy of your affection.

And I know a lot of people will disagree with this advice but I think if the thought of needing to tell her how you feel is keeping you up at night and weighing on your mind then you should say something. But be prepared for her to maybe not feel the same way and to hear she may have already moved on. Actually expect this so you can't get your hopes up. At least you can say you tried and have no regrets. That's how I see it. What's the worst that will happen? She'll say no and then you can go home have a good cry and realize that its not going to work and you can do better. I think that hearing its not going to work might help you move on.That's just how I see it.. But also be careful of making yourself desperate and needy. Good luck!

[Wakeup]

And I know a lot of people will disagree with this advice but I think if the thought of needing to tell her how you feel is keeping you up at night and weighing on your mind then you should say something. But be prepared for her to maybe not feel the same way and to hear she may have already moved on. Actually expect this so you can't get your hopes up. At least you can say you tried and have no regrets. That's how I see it. What's the worst that will happen? She'll say no and then you can go home have a good cry and realize that its not going to work and you can do better. I think that hearing its not going to work might help you move on.That's just how I see it.. But also be careful of making yourself desperate and needy. Good luck!

I would be one of those people that would disagree with that ^^ advice. To contact her now after all this time (after SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU) is surprisingly selfish and manipulative. The worse that could happen is not her saying no but rather you opening up one's self to start from the beginning of the healing process once again.

After 7 months I'm pretty sure he can be safe in thinking that it's not going to work out, she ain't coming back and if she was he would have heard from her by now. Her actions, if he listens, will have him hearing that he should move on. To contact her now IS desperate and needy and it will make him appear so. She's moved on, he should too.

[Wakeup]

Maybe he can finally move on if he just hears that she doesn't want to.

He heard that she didn't want to when she broke up with him. He just has to give himself closure now and if he can't do that on his own then maybe the book The Five Stages of Grief will help him to come to terms with the first stage which is Acceptance. He's still currently in the Denial stage if he's thinking that she might want to come back after 7 months of zero contact from her.

All you need do, Op is to do the mental exercises you need to do to stop thinking about her. That means you need to consciously change the channel in your brain to something else when you find yourself thinking and pining over her. If you need to do some aversion therapy then do that too. Put an elastic band around your wrist and ifyou find yourself in reverie of her once again, then snap that elastic hard and change the subject. Keep busy doing things you like to do with people you like to do them with and sooner, rather than later you'll find yourself looking for someone new to have a relationship with... someone better compatibly with you, is the goal.

[jz9212]

Thanks for the advice she was a great girl. but I'm pretty sure that relationship was meant to fail. we both had a lot of growing to do i guess it was just a matter of whose issues were going to get to who first. I wasn't really expecting to hear anything from her being that we havent even seen or talked to each other in person since then so in her mind she has the image of the same person I was when we were together and it would be no reason for her to go back to that.