Guy friend cancels plans by text

[Bolt2012]

A couple of years ago, I met a guy on a commuter train...we got along very well...I'm married and he always knew that I have a husband...in fact he met him on the train....when I moved and was leaving the commuter train, we exchanged cards and contact info indicating how nice it had been to know each other...a few months later I got a pleasant and very platonic email from him thanking me for a job referral that I had provided him...an email exchange began.

The emails were occasional and friendly but never anything more. I sincerely wanted to become friends (totally platonic) so finally said so and then asked whether he wanted to get together for drinks. I made sure that I gave him an "out" by saying that if he was too busy to meet up, this was totally ok. He said yes almost immediately and suggested where we meet. The day of our meeting (only several days after my original invite) he texted me a curt message indicating that he couldn't make it and asking whether we could reschedule. I (of course) replied that this was fine. I'm a bit puzzled as to why he cancelled and so abruptly and slightly hurt that a potential friend who I thought was a really nice guy would cancel in such a curt way. We didn't see each other between the original invite and his cancellation so I don't think that I could have said anything to offend him. It's been about a week and no concrete offer to reschedule since then...My question is:

If he didn't want to meet me, why would he say yes, make plans and then abruptly cancel? Why wouldn't he have made an excuse (e.g. I'm too busy) right away? Maybe he interpreted my invite as something other than platonic and that made him uncomfortable, but, if so, why accept in the first place?

[ashley89]

kind of odd that you're married and spending time with another man... does your husband know you're planning on hanging out with this guy? also, he could have just been busy or something came up and he couldn't go that night. or maybe he thought he wanted to but then thought about it and changed his mind. I wouldn't spend all this time over-analyzing the situation if you're only interested in being friends with this guy, unless there's more you're not telling us

[Bolt2012]

No my husband doesn't know. I didn't say anything because I thought that he would take it (the invite and emailing) as something more than it was. Maybe I'm naive. Do married women not have platonic guy friends? My marriage was never hidden when we interacted in person.

[madotnw_nihs]

Your husband would think something more. The fact you haven't told him signafies something is there. Every time I randomly bump into a female co-worker or friend and have lunch of something, I immediately tell my wife. If this friendhsip is nothing special, don't venture down this road.

[ashley89]

Do married women not have platonic guy friends? My marriage was never hidden when we interacted in person.

well the thing is that most times friendships between men and women aren't platonic... one person wants something more from the other. he probably did take it more than it was and maybe didn't want to get involved, so he got cold feet at the last minute. maybe he felt guilty or something. and why didn't you tell your husband?

[Maple1714]

I look at it this way....to him you are pretty much "off-limits"...meaning his chances of going home with you after a few drinks and having sex are slim. I am sure he wants to be friends, but maybe a single woman came around and he decided to spend time with her instead? You shouldn't take it personally....your "taken" in his mind.

I am in a relationship (not married) but we do have a child together and live together. I have a couple of male friends who I hang out with and they always wait for me to initiate...always! It would be kind of weird for them to call me up and ask me out. Just today I emailed (2) work friends who are both single attractive guys. I asked them both (they are friends) to go to a concert with me later this week...they both replied "yes" right away...but I had to set the time/date...I had to initiate...and if a single girl calls them up before the show who knows they might cancel? I wouldn't take it personally.