Heartbroken and lost - cannot get over my ex and want him back! help!

[ruby_red]

Wakeup i have been applying for jobs the last 4 weeks and got offered one today.

I went to a gym anyway and also have a horse but ive now taken up boxing and am working out everyday.

I never really was close to my parents but have made a conscious effort to spend more time with them and am now getting really close to them. I spend more time with friends, when i was with my boyfriend i saw them about once a month and now its a couple of times a week. i also see a councilor once a week.

Proud?

[ruby_red]

So i've been doing so well but I found out tonight that he has deleted or hidden all of our photos off facebook. I'm devastated. It's like he has broken up with me all over again. I feel like messaging him and asking him why he has done it!

How can someone move on so quickly?!

I know, I have to accept it's over which I think I have but it still hurts!

[tf510]

Hi you

I've been there once before and I'm in the same position again! You will get through this, but here really isn't a shortcut. but you'll get through and emerge stronger. No Contact is great for 2 reasons. First, if you want him back NC is the ONLY way you will get this. But it takes time. And there's no guarantee either. Secondly, by practicing NC you give yourself time to develop and move on. Eventually NC ceases to be a strategy to get an ex back and instead becomes evidence that you no longer need this man to be happy. But it's tough, really tough - as I once heard it described 'a mental challenge of the first order'.

[carlton99]

I can sympathise with ruby_red here as I myself am experiencing the exact same thing. My girlfriend broke up with me earlier this month (she doesn't want me around whilst going through some personal stuff). It sounds like an excuse to not to see me but I can assure you it's not. We have remained in contact and are friendly enough, we have met up a couple of times and the indications are that once she has got through her stuff then we could attempt to start things again. This at least is my understanding. She has made it clear to me that we are not an item at the moment and despite her friends/family telling her how great I am (and how great we are together) she has no desires on anything other than focusing on her personnel stuff. She is halfway through but it is like hell for me. I cannot get her out of my head, keep checking my phone, longing for contact, wishing things were back to normal but sadly they are not. The annoying thing is that she is carrying on as best she can seeing her friends/family and continuing to work so the only thing that is not as it used to be is having me in her life. Initially she said she missed me (and still is) and found it strange not going to bed with me, chatting/texting me everyday but she seems to have coped ok with this. I was told no contact when she made this decision and I stuck by that, but her texting me has since opened the floodgates and we text probably 4 days out of 7. I wonder if I am reading into her words that she tells me but they all seem positive to me and at no point has she told me that we are over and I think she wants to first get herself sorted and then try again as things were ok but her condition made things not workable between us.

I would like a couple of things from this.............

1 - to feel wanted by her again. This may come in time. I loved the fact she would invite me round and chase me but now it seems she is happy to not have me around and I need to know how to turn the tables so she does the chasing. This is tricky as her life is busier than mine and she has a bigger circle of friends/family. She chased me more at the start and before I knew it my life revolved around her and the challenge for her ended I feel - HOW TO AVOID THIS IN THE FUTURE????? I sent a text the other day and she never replied on that day - clearly she is not seeing me as a priority or somebody who she WANTS to reply to and that feels crap. It would be easy to move on but my feelings are still with her at the moment.
2 - I would love to know what SHE is thinking. I hear from her what her friends/family think but she hasn't told me what she feels. As a result I get a bit low and feel negative on the days I don't see her or hear from her and I then start thinking that maybe I am now just a friend to her. Her feeling nothing towards me is due to her condition and when she has passed the 'healing' time then I hope she will start to feel feelings towards once more.

[ruby_red]

firstly im so sorry youre going through this i know how horrible it is. secondly how long have you been together? has there been any progress since you posted this carlton99, sorry ive not been on this for a while?

my ex told me he wanted to go on a break because he wanted to sort his head out, decide whether we were right together - he told me he was depressed and unhappy with his life and needed time to get back on track. im not sure what this personal situation is of your girlfriends that you talk of but what i have learnt from this is that what he told me wasnt all lies but he used it as an excuse to break up with me in the most cowardly way. he even text me on this break saying he was so low and depressed and when i text back and said i was worried about him he took ages to reply and when he did said he was ok. he was messing with me. after 6 weeks on this break he broke up with me by text. it broke my heart. then i found out that in this break time he was going out, getting drunk, partying and flirting with girls! he never intended to pick things up after this break he was just too much of a coward to break up with me because a. knew it would hurt me and b. he kinda wanted me hanging on just incase he didnt move on.

its taken me 3 months but now i see that he was a coward and a liar and sounds like this girl is doing the same thing to you!

do yourself a favor and tell her its over and cut all contact and eventually you will move on.

it hurts like hell but if she is going through something and she doesnt want you there beside her then its not right.

if you ever want to vent or talk im here

xx

[carlton99]

We were together for almost 7 months. Yes not sure progress is the word - I let other people judge for themselves based on what I say.

Yes he sounds like a coward - how can people string you along? Why not just be honest - I'd much prefer that.
Unfortunately her circumstances are different as she is coming off anti depressants and it was easier to break up for 2 reasons. The first being she didn't know how long it was going to take and therefore could not expect me to hang around for weeks/months/years. Secondly she did not want me to see her at her worst as the withdrawal can be tough.

I last posted on Jan 31st and we have been out once more since I last posted. On that meeting she told me I looked good, invited me back to hers, cuddled up to me, invited me to a family get together and said she hopes to still go on holiday with me later in the year (which we have booked). The following week she rang me every other day, texting me saying she is missing me, looking forward to seeing and we made arrangements to see each other last weekend. She then cancelled them saying she felt tired, more arrangements were made for the following day, again these were cancelled. Two days went by with no contact between us then she rings me up asking me to get some medicines for her as she is feeling sick.

I certainly get mixed signals from her and I am guilty of reading into things I know. She is nearing the end of her withdrawal program and then has 1-2 weeks for the drugs (anti depressants) to leave her system. I am just becoming impatient as her life is continuing normally in all aspects (except for me) and I cannot help feeling that if she REALLY wanted to see me then she would do. She knows I am waiting for her but I cannot wait for ever.

[ruby_red]

carlton99 im interested to see how you are? Its just I have been on anti-depressants on and off for the last 15 years, ive been on a low dose, a higher dose, come off them at some times. anyway yes there are side effects but never do you need to cut people out of your life! im sorry but she is using this as an excuse. she is using you.

[carlton99]

Hi,

Yes so so. Progress has been made as 2 weeks ago she suggested starting things up again and we have slept (and I mean slept) together 3 times and are now kissing and holding hands, cuddling so it's heading in the right direction.
She has a lot on her plate at the moment, been 2 weeks since she last took a tablet, recovering from the chest infection is busy at work and so we went out on Saturday & Sunday but I haven't seen her all week although we are meeting up tomorrow.

She has told me to be less available however and this is a real challenge for me. I can say to her that I am busy when she nexts suggests something but why do I want to do this when I want to see her???? It doesn't make sense as she doesn't do this to me.
I do understand it a little bit because I like fish and chips but if it was available to me EVERY day then I wouldn't want it and it becomes less special. I know what to do but I can just picture her face if I say no I cannot make that dinner on that day etc. How do people do it as it's not in my nature and is made even more tricky when I don't have a great circle of friends around. I know everybody is different but why doesn't she want to see me as much as I want to see her? Is it her current state or is she not in the zone of feeling what she should at the moment? It feels like I am punishing myself but not seeing her. It is strange though and we saw each other on Saturday and Sunday and then she suggested meeting on Monday so the keeping a distance thing went out the window there..............so confusing!!