Said he would call when things settle down

[KristenElaine]

Hello all,

Long story short...I was dating a guy for 6 months and a few weeks ago he asked for some time for himself. He is dealing with his sick mom, a job change, and self doubts, plus doubts about if we are right for one another. He is going through hell.

When we exchanged things he said he would call me in a few weeks when things settle down. He really does care about me and doesnt want this to be the last time we talk. Before we exchanged things, he was asking me if I could offer friendship right now instead of a relationship...and I told him I am here for him, but cannot be just his friend because it would be to self distructive.

When we said our goodbyes I told him that i wish I could be there for him, but I cant knowing he sees me as "just a friend" at this he got upset and told me I didnt understand. Then he said he just needs a few weeks and will call when things settle down. I told him if he needs anything I am here, that I hope he starts to feel better. I also said, that if in a few weeks he just wants to be friends, or is interested in anyone else, not to call, to just let it be.

It has been hard because I want to be there for him more than anything, but know I cannot due to the effects his situation was having on me....I know its not about me! This is all about him...but I was crying in the womens washroom every day at work and making myself crazy and just couldnt live that way.

Of course I am hoping he calls....not too sure he will now. And when he calls, I hope I will be ready to offer whatever he needs. Best case scenareo, we get back together, but I have never seen this happen or experienced it before.

Just hurting. and he is too but there is nothing i can do, but do nothing.

I sent him a text apologizing for making it about me and that I am here whenever he is ready to make that call or if he needs anything. That he is not alone.

I feel like that was a big mistake (being that we just broke up) but with his confusing mixed messages I just knew I had to put it out there. I told him not to bother calling if he just wanted to be friends...but I didnt mean it. I want him to call, even if I cant offer him much, just so he knows he has someone.

Now its just waiting to see what happens.

Any advice or words of wisdom?

[Wakeup]

I told him not to bother calling if he just wanted to be friends...but I didnt mean it. I want him to call, even if I cant offer him much, just so he knows he has someone.

No you don't. You don't want to be demoted to "just friend" from the prestege positions of "lover, friend, companion, equal partner." Any one with a lick of self-worth wouldn't want to be demoted like that and you dont' either. You're just not quite at the stage of acceptance that it's over yet so you're grasping at the role of "friend" like you are in the cold Atlantic and it was a life raft from the Titanic.

Now its just waiting to see what happens.

No, no and NO. You do not "wait" around for some guy who doesn't know what the fk he wants and doesn't take comfort in you or considers you his soft place to land from his daily troubles. So, get on with your life and accept that it's over. You don't want some guy in your life that makes you the first thing he throws over-board when the ship is going down.

You did the right thing by telling him that you dont' want an ex lover as a simple friend. Don't text him and don't let him keep you in this state of limbo which in itself is crazy making.

If he does call you, don't settle to be what your first instinct told you wasn't good enough.

[KristenElaine]

If he does call you, don't settle to be what your first instinct told you wasn't good enough.

Yeah, you are right. I have told him I cannot be friend zoned, and he has told me countless times that he still cares about me and just needs time. it was my pushing that led us to break up because I believe that if you wanna be with someone, you are with them.

I already know that the only way I am going to accept his calls is if he wants to start over. But he would have a lot of explaining to do....

Youre right tho....why would I wanna be with someone who just abandoned me....when I was just trying to be there for him.

[Wakeup]

Yeah, you are right. I have told him I cannot be friend zoned, and he has told me countless times that he still cares about me and just needs time. it was my pushing that led us to break up because I believe that if you wanna be with someone, you are with them.

I already know that the only way I am going to accept his calls is if he wants to start over. But he would have a lot of explaining to do....

Youre right tho....why would I wanna be with someone who just abandoned me....when I was just trying to be there for him.

You just need to believe that, 100% Kristen and you'll be just fine. You're a smart cookie with a good sense of self-worth.

Cheers.

[KristenElaine]

it has just been really hard. There is a lot more to the story but thats the jist. Before I broke things off he was asking if he could have some time but he would be completely faithful and committed to me and still be together, just needed time. But that didnt sit well with me.....I guess I just hope I do not regret the decision I made.

[kskts6115]

No, no and NO. You do not "wait" around for some guy who doesn't know what the fk he wants.

Agreed do not wait around for him you deserve better. As long as you keep "waiting" you are going to keep hurting simple as that. You did the right thing by saying do not contact you to be friends. I honestly don't think being friends works because one person is going to have feelings and it will be terrible for them. So good job in recognizing that.

To be blunt and honest if he wanted you in his life he would make it work. I'm sorry to say it but its true, even if he is going through a hard time. In fact I feel like that's when people need someone the most.... I feel like a jerk for writing that because I know you are hurting but it's just the way it seems.

[KristenElaine]

Agreed do not wait around for him you deserve better. As long as you keep "waiting" you are going to keep hurting simple as that. You did the right thing by saying do not contact you to be friends. I honestly don't think being friends works because one person is going to have feelings and it will be terrible for them. So good job in recognizing that.

To be blunt and honest if he wanted you in his life he would make it work. I'm sorry to say it but its true, even if he is going through a hard time. In fact I feel like that's when people need someone the most.... I feel like a jerk for writing that because I know you are hurting but it's just the way it seems.

Dont feel like a jerk. I believe this which is why I told him not to contact me unless he wants to try again or start over.

Just hard to accept and follow through on

[kskts6115]

Best advice to move on is do stuff that will make you happy and go out and try new things. This may sound corny but buy one of those cheesy break up books. They are actually really insightful and help you realize what you need in a relationship and why this one didn't work out and you learn more about yourself too. I never thought I'd be the one to buy one but honestly I do recommend it! Good luck!

[Hellokitty1]

Did he call you? I'm in the same situation and I'm not sure how am I suppose to feel.

[lamobatsman]

surely if a guy is going through a bad time he would want teh girl he reli likes there for her. i know i would for sure!!