Wanting what you know you can't have...

[Indestructible]

Traditionally, when people use that phrase, it's in reference to being attracted to someone specific who's unavailable to you for one reason or another. That's not the situation I'm in, however it's similar enough that the same principle still applies. So, I guess my question is, how do you stop constantly wanting things that you know that you can't have?

[Rowen]

I'm probably not the best at this because I'm in the same situation quite often. But, if you're speaking about love and not just "liking" someone, your heart kind of bleeds. You get brought down until it really doesn't seem to phase you anymore and you just shrug it off because you're numb to the pain. In turn, you start to feel normal again after a long time. Kind of like pasting yourself back together.

I know that sounds really depressing and probably what you don't want to hear, but it's true. You just need time to internally cope with it, and one day you start talking to other people until you start to feel like yourself again. I went through that, at least. I'm not sure...maybe it's different for others?

[Indestructible]

Hm. Well, I... didn't want to get too specific, because I can probably guess how this discussion is going to turn out, but "dating", finding someone, and falling in love, in general, is the thing I "want but can't have". Those things just aren't going to happen for me, and I'm sick of wanting them, but knowing I can't have them. I was able to *kinda* put them out of my head for about 4-5 years, now, but after falling hard for a girl late last year, the bad unhappy feelings are back worse than ever. I figure if I can accept that those things are not possible for me, maybe I can finally move on to having a happy life and finding a different way to find some fulfillment and satisfaction in life.

[basilandthyme]

Indi, I ask this with respect: Have you ever done therapy? Looking back over your posts, I think you could do with some. You may find the answers you need

[Indestructible]

No, I haven't, but I don't really see how it could help me in any way, to be honest.

[Love'sReject]

Channel the energy you use in thinking and posting questions about it into something more productive. Basically, it's all about discipline; disciplining the mind not to care so much about it. Looking into Stoic philosophy might help..

Anyway, you can't really get much help from broads; girls don't really have to deal with rejection, since they're biological commodities and thus receive a lot of slack and offers.

[Rowen]

No, I haven't, but I don't really see how it could help me in any way, to be honest.

Ah... That's what I thought at first too. I don't technically have a therapist, but my friend who is a psychologist gave me a tip for my anxiety. I was skeptical of it, but it works.

Just go into it with an open mind. You have to be willing to really work on yourself. And most importantly....it can't be for anyone else, or else it won't work. It has to be for you alone. While you're single now, it may be your best opportunity.

[kskts6115]

As to the question posed.. Distract yourself. Do other things and get your mind off this person. Have you ever thought maybe you don't want the relationship you just want the chase? Idk just a thought.. You'll get over it eventually with time and doing positive things.

As for the therapy discussion. It helps. It teaches you ways to cope with your depression and/or anxiety in a healthy positive way. Definitely worth a shot if you are feeling overwhelmed with emotion. Don't knock it til you try.

[IndiReloaded]

Indi, I ask this with respect: Have you ever done therapy? Looking back over your posts, I think you could do with some. You may find the answers you need

LOL, this made me read twice.

Carry on.

[Indestructible]

Ah... That's what I thought at first too. I don't technically have a therapist, but my friend who is a psychologist gave me a tip for my anxiety. I was skeptical of it, but it works.

Just go into it with an open mind. You have to be willing to really work on yourself. And most importantly....it can't be for anyone else, or else it won't work. It has to be for you alone. While you're single now, it may be your best opportunity.

Well, fair enough, but I don't really see what any of that stuff has to do with this issue.

[searock]

Indestructible, what you say on this thread is that you have no chance and will never date... only a depressed person would say something like that, and that is why people are suggesting therapy. As you see, it is very relevant (even though obviously you and LR won't agree with me).

[Indestructible]

I'm not trying to disagree, I'm just not really seeing the correlation. I don't feel that believing I have no chance to date, meet someone special, fall in love, etc. is necessarily related to potential depression or any other issues. Generally speaking, I'm not an outwardly "depressed" person. I'm pretty good at masking my negative thoughts when I'm actually around people. So, it's not like I can't find anyone BECAUSE I may or may not have depression; I'm just not the kind of guy that girls want to be with, unfortunately. Actually, I'd say that I feel like I have a number of quantities that a girl would appreciate in the long run, but in the short run, I don't have the qualities to draw a girl in initially.

So, depression or not, my chances of ever finding someone are slim at the very best. It pains me to admit that, but it's just an inevitability.

[searock]

So, depression or not, my chances of ever finding someone are slim at the very best. It pains me to admit that, but it's just an inevitability.

This is what someone with depression would say. Get therapy, you have nothing to lose anyway, right?

[Wakeup]

"Every Pot Has A Lid" you're just not doing anything productive in order to find your lid. You can't expect a girl to drop down from the sky into your lap. You particularily can't expect that if you are not of society's idea of attractive. So (same question asked ad-naseum of LR) what do you do to put yourself out there in order to meet your "Lid?"

I'm pretty good at masking my negative thoughts when I'm actually around people

That would be your perspective though and "masking" your negativity rather than actually being of positive attitude are two very different things. Have you ever read "The Power Of Positive Thinking?"

[Love'sReject]

This is what someone with depression would say. Get therapy, you have nothing to lose anyway, right?

Nah, it's called being realistic.