How do I tell him I can't see him for 1 month?

[AshleyK]

I've been seeing a man on and off for about a year now and we've been taking it rather slowly. It's hard to tell where I stand with him -- whether I'm being strung along or whether we're both just slow and cautious. In the past, it hasn't seemed as though we were on the same page in terms of what we wanted out of the relationship. Lately, I've been sensing that our feelings for each other have increased, and we might be starting to get on the same page. The last few times I saw him, he's mentioned to me that he's not seeing anyone else, and wanted to know whether or not I was exclusively seeing him. I'm deeply attracted to him and hope that our relationship will turn into something more exclusive and serious. Although given our pace, it's very hard to say where this relationship will take us.

We last saw each other about a month ago. I've been turning down his requests to see me for the past month because I will not be able to see him again until March. I haven't told him why, and I'm worried that if I keep turning him down, I might lose him.

Unfortunately, some things have come up in my life professionally that I'm too sad and embarrassed to tell him about at this stage of our relationship. We both work in the same competitive area of medicine, which requires several licensing exams. He passed his easily on his first try. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to pass a major licensing exam. I've had to put my professional and personal life on hold for the past 2 years now because I have had to re-take and re-study for this exam-- I cannot work as a physician without it. While it is known to be difficult, about 98% of our class pass on the first try (we went to the same med school). My inability to pass has taken a toll on my personal self-confidence and it has been a major area of embarrassment for me.

Since I failed the exam in December, I decided to resign from my job in order to prepare for this exam full-time. I've had to give up my apartment because I couldn't afford my rent and move back in with my parents (which I hope is very temporary). At this point in my exam preparation, I cannot afford to take the time off to spend with him. My exam is in early March, and I will be able to see him after the exam.

In the meantime, I haven't told him about any of this. Of course, if we had a closer relationship, I would tell him. However, things have always been rather impersonal between us, and I'm not sure how much is too much to reveal this early on.

On the one hand, letting him know that I won't be able to see him because I need to attend to this matter will let him know that I'm not just giving him the brush-off.

On the other hand, I worry that revealing so much of my inadequacies so early on is only unnecessarily highlighting failures that I'm even having difficulties dealing with at the moment. We haven't yet been even close to the level where we've revealed anything overly personal or serious.

Is there any way to let him know that I won't be able to see him for the next few weeks, and it's not because I don't want to see him? I don't want to lie -- I'm just having a difficult time determining what is too much to reveal when we're still just barely getting to know each other. I don't want to lay on something too heavy when we're still just in the very early casual stages.

Thank you in advance.

[ashley89]

why is this progressing so slowly? you say you like him and want it go to further, he even clearly stated that he wasn't seeing anyone and wanted it to be exclusive so what's the deal? and why would you lie or not tell him? it's only a month, just come forward and say it already. by the time the two of you start dating you'll be getting ready to move into the old folks home at this rate

[ashley89]

also if you want to be serious with this guy you have to realize that you need to trust each other. if you're already having doubts about telling him these big details of your life (you have been seeing him a YEAR, not just a couple days...) then you need to ask yourself if you can really be with him. trust and honesty are two major parts of a relationship. if you think he's going to judge you or make you feel bad about yourself, maybe he isn't the guy for you

[LoveDocJon]

In all honesty, if you call him and ask for a date, then explain the situation at the date it should be fine. That way you're showing him incoming and that you aren't just leaving without trying to see him first.