It's around 9 months since we broke up after being together 2 years, one night I make her feel jealous and she say she will never care about me again. I tried to apologize numerous times but it was always ignored. I loved her but was in a panic; the advice I got from everyone was to move on, and any attempts I did I felt I was digging my own grave. My heart just wasn't in it and all I could think is that it was just helping her forget me instead, there was always indecision, guilt and the back of my mind.
I though I had moved on but these dreams of her keep coming. Sometimes I dream we get back together, sometimes I dream she has found a new realtionship, but there is always physical contact between us. I'm just touching her cheek as she lies on my knee, I'm either crying of happiness or sadness. Sometimes its hard to tell which.
When I wake up this gives me a feeling of helplessness, sickness in my stomach till I can get it out of mind (writing this helps.) But even when I feel better again this happens again, 2 days from now, 1 month, 2 months from now I don't know. But it keeps happening. Sometimes I think I can just drop my life fly and go see her, there has to be something I can say or do that would make her want to be with me again. She explicitly said to me when we broke up that, that one night ruined everything for her. But we had 2 years together, and we would both say 2 of our happiest. Will she really just see that past as tainted and never want that back, or once she had forgiven me did I have a chance?