Help me understand

[Mitsi]

Hi,
First of all let me give you a bit of background. I am just out of a long term relationship that I have been in for 20 years. I was only 18 last time I dated and I am very confused.

I started up a relationship with someone on line around 8 months ago. He lives in another country. We met up once when I was there and had a lovely few nights together. He went old but we got in touch as friends about 3 months ago. We plan to see each other very soon (couple of weeks time). He has maintained that we are only friends. No romantic connection. The last few months we have become very close. Texting every morning and night. Talking for 2 or 3 hours 2 or 3 times a week. Emails etc. constantly in touch. He still says that this is a friendship. That's fine, I understand. We are going away as friends when I travel next.

A couple of weeks ago I expressed that I had feelings for him. He ran away for a few days to process this. He came back and suggested we don't see each other as he can't give me hat I want. I said friendship is fine. However the text messaging started to become more regular and calls more.

Then, here's the kicker. He sent me a song he sang for me. A video of a song he knows I love. It's a love songs. He was singing it. Fine I said lovely. Then he said he would surprise me with another song he would choose. He did his a few days later, a very emotional version of a song depicting not knowing where a relationship is going.

Are these songs meant for me? Does he know what message he is portraying (he has lots of experience with woman). He then again said we are just friends and going away as friends.

Why am I getting mixed messages? Do you think he is saying one thing and meaning another? Am I reading far too much into this and my own lack of experience is making me crazy.

[Tgirl]

In some cases when a man is sending mixed signals he knows exactly what he is saying and doing. He is a game player. but then other men have deeper issues and cannot decide what they want out of life or it could be fear of commitment, you just have to nee things as they are, not as you hope them to be and believe what you are told.

I dont know how long you have known the guy, it could be that he has someone else and isnt sure whether to leave her for you or what, just tell him, he needs to make up his minds about he wants before approaching you because he is confusing you, if he wants friends no romantic songs or videos or anything that will make you there is more to it because it seems he is confused and doesnt know what he wants or he is just trying to test the waters

[basilandthyme]

I wouldn't read much into song lyrics. There are great songs which have lyrics about love, great breakup songs, great songs about getting drunk and I'm currently listening to a song about 'doing it with a rock star'. It could well be that he just likes the music and the lyrics aren't important.

That being said, he lives in another country and doesn't want a relationship. Why not just drop him and find a great guy in your city?

[Boisdevie]

I assume from the post that you're probably in your 30s. So how in hell do you expect any relationship to work when you're in different countries. So whether he's singing love songs for you or getting your name tattooed on his arse is irrelevant isn't it. You're not going to get time to spend together are you so what is the bloody point? I'm a grown up of 49. My GF lives 45 minutes away. We get to spend time together because we don't live in different countries.

[michelle23]

I agree. You need to meet someone nearer that you trust. These internet wack jobs cannot be trusted. He could have a wife and kids... He could be a con artist etc... And his mixed signals should be telling you to run