Beautiful but no spark...I can't get a second date!

[summershandy]

I need some pointers or maybe a team of mystery solvers. I have a thick skin and can take a certain amount of shit but I am in a first date slump! I have these amazing dates with men who are ready for relationships then right after I hear the same thing, I'm beautiful but they didn't feel a spark and don't want a second date.

For example, the other night I had a wonderful date with a great guy. I suggested a more sporty type restaurant for dinner and to watch the game since he's a sports writer. We talked and laughed for about 5 hours, i even sat on the same side of the booth with him to watch the game, he held my hand, called me baby, snuck kisses every 2 seconds, he even showed me photos of his friends and family on his phone. He drives me back to my car, we have a few nice kisses then that night i get a text message from him saying, you're beautiful but I didn't feel a spark the way i did when speaking to you on the phone. Mind you, I have been talking on the phone with this guy and texting him for 2 weeks straight, he even sent me his articles to read.

I don't understand it. I'm in college, have great confidence, I compliment the man, ask him questions, make him laugh, in my mind or any other normal persons mind, those signals and that body language clearly indicates a second date. Even if the date was just fine, maybe like at 75% he said he agrees there should be a second date.

This is the 3rd time it's happened to me with 3 different guys. I need some pointers how to be intriguing enough to make them want to learn more or maybe someone to tell me that I clearly am dating whackadoos and it's just a coincidence it was 3 in a row.

[Wakeup]

Don't be so encouraging. It seems these days that guys (particularily those on dating sites) either want you to do them right after they buy you dinner or, they want you to be less enthusiastic thereby making them think You don't like them... then, they try harder to make you like them and ask you out again. lol

On a more serious note: How about you stop having expectations? Just go on the date, have the fun, laugh, talk and enjoy. If they call you again YooHoo. If they don't, then NEXT! Plenty more where he came from.

[summershandy]

You know, that sounds about right. The more I talk the higher the expectations are. I don't want to play these games but obviously what I'm doing isn't working. I'm going to have to be more stand offish. Great advice! Plus if I don't invest so much time before the date I won't get as upset if he pulls some bullshit

[ashley89]

I hate when that happens, it feels like you're on the same page and everything is going great and then they say something like that completely out of nowhere. oh well, you live and learn and at least you found out off the bat instead of spending lots of time going out with these guys only to find out they're not the right ones!

[rob1984]

people on dating sites usually want a sex friend.. honestly... he spent 2 weeks talking to you finally you 2 met had fun, and he hoped you would just jump in the sack with him.. the fact that he is lazy to go on a second date to even try to score lol, shows he's a bum.. you should be happy. Showing that a woman is desperate also turns men off. The fact that you are here talking about it, shows me this really bugs you and there is some sort of insecurity.. you're a girl and you have boobs..they will come and the right one will stay.

[dem862]

For many guys, dating is just shopping for sex. Those guys needs to feel something is going to pan out. They decided from the first date that it wasn't going to happen, or it wasn't worth the effort. The spark they didn't feel is the sexual excitement. They didn't get turned on enough, or something turned them off about you. If you want those guys, you need to make them expect they are going to get lucky with you. If not that date then soon. And they have to be sexually attracted to you.

[rayna]

I'm usually on the other side if such situations. I'm not a guy but maybe my perspective could help? It usually happens like this...I meet a guy I think it hot and friendly. We get along and I get asked out on a date. But then during the date I realize I don't "romantically" like the guy for who he is. The more time we spend together the more I just want to be friends. Don't get me wrong I still find him physically attractive and a person I enjoy talking to but it's just a different type of attraction. And yes I do kiss these guys and its in the kiss that I realize we're not romantically compatible. Honestly it usually comes down to personality... Like they are too predictable or straightforward. Or we just seem to be on totally different pages when it comes to how we perceive the world.

I think it might just be your luck that you've been meeting guys you aren't completely compatible with. That's all... You shouldn't have to be someone else in order to keep around your significant other. Just keep at what you're doing and you'll find someone that fits better.

I will stop rambling and end with some advice (take w a grain of salt).. Mysterious and slightly quirky people seem more interesting. So try to not share/talk too much and don't be afraid to show some of your quirks. But I do have to warn that not saying as much as you want can leave you feeling quite regretful if things don't work out.

[haxan]

Talking and texting for 2 weeks straight without meeting is a lot, if you live locally. It builds up expectations and is more likely to lead to disappointment. If you hit it off with someone, try to meet just to say hi for coffee and see if the chemistry translates face to face before booking the date.

[Maple1714]

Like Wake Up said, don't be so encouraging. Definitely don't sit on the same side of the booth. Don't even let a guy touch you at all...maybe a hug goodnight and that's it. Be vague in conversation...even be a little stand offish, but not rude and there is a fine line. Through all of this you have to flirt as well and give him the eyes at least twice. Then, he will call you back for a 2nd date for sure unless he is gay.

If I may ask, why are you using dating sites while you're in college? Do you go to an a female school?

[summershandy]

Lol I'm an art student so either the guys are gross hipsters or gay. I honestly get hit on a lot but it's always done super sleazy or the guy turns out to be a loser.

[bleucandle]

Well, life is like a vending machine; full of change and a bunch of shit you don't need. I'd advise you to re-think your snacks.

[fearoflove]

I'm usually on the other side if such situations. I'm not a guy but maybe my perspective could help? It usually happens like this...I meet a guy I think it hot and friendly. We get along and I get asked out on a date. But then during the date I realize I don't "romantically" like the guy for who he is. The more time we spend together the more I just want to be friends. Don't get me wrong I still find him physically attractive and a person I enjoy talking to but it's just a different type of attraction. And yes I do kiss these guys and its in the kiss that I realize we're not romantically compatible. Honestly it usually comes down to personality... Like they are too predictable or straightforward. Or we just seem to be on totally different pages when it comes to how we perceive the world.

Nope. Guys are completely different. The first couple of dates, all guys care about is the girl's looks.

OP, have you been completely honest about your looks and your body type online? I think these guys met up with you and probably expected something else.

[pcmaster]

Nope. Guys are completely different. The first couple of dates, all guys care about is the girl's looks.

OP, have you been completely honest about your looks and your body type online? I think these guys met up with you and probably expected something else.

Actually guys are pretty much the same = we do care about personality a lot. I know I do. Its the inner organs like heart and brain that is most atractive.

[smackie9]

We all go by looks first. With guys, it's either "she's hot but an airhead, if she offers sex the great, if not I'll just move on and see what the next one brings". With girls, he's hot and stuff, but he doesn't emotionally connect with me, so I'm not feeling attraction". "I'll offer friendship but nothing else and just hang out". "maybe he has some cute friends and one of them I will connect with".