Will try to keep this brief!
A long time ago (18 years) i knew a guy who was at the time in a relationship with a girl i know. I always looked at them as being so happy as he was such a great guy. I secretly admired him too. Last year i found contact with him and he had been single for two years. I was pretty happy at this and although being married i met him and we went for a walk together. It was great talking about old times and he took me back to a time in my life when i was very happy.
I saw him time and time again and we eventually developed a relationship. During this time i left my husband and went to live with him. Lets call him "C".
"C" was attentive, caring and thoughtful but... he appeared to have a bit of a drink problem. By this i mean he showed signs of someone who like a drink more than the norm. I mean he had a beer belly (developing) red complexion and would often shake. I knew that his previous relationship came to an end rather nastily and he had turned to friends and drink at the local pub.
I wanted to help him with this and for him to become the man he used to be. I lived there for just 5 days before i returned to my husband as i felt i needed to try work it out with him. i have strong relationships with my family and they were not happy at the thought of me n hubby splitting up. I moved home and explained to C that i couldnt deal with things and needed space. C gave me space and was upset. I continued to see C and really found it difficult to let him go.
Early in Dec 2012 i decided i was leaving hubby again. Our relationship has never been easy and we argue quite a lot. Ive always felt that hubby does not show me love and this has made a huge wedge in our marriage. Ive tried to talk to him but he retreats to the cave and closes up. I do love him and i would like him to just try and show his emotion and love and im sure id be happier.
I left hubby and went to C, i stayed for 2 days and decided to go back to hubby again as my head by this point was very confused and i relly didnt know what i wanted but felt in the middle of nowhere. C's place didnt feel like home although i loved us being together.
Hubby and i talked he seemed to listen and we were ok....
Few weeks later the conversations with C started again and i was again ready to leave, this time for good. C had become distant (understandibly) and very guarded.
we talked about our future again and it was me now doing all the talking and making plans.
The following day hubby found out.. everything. He'd accessed myphone whilst i was drunk and had called C to see what was going on. Fortunately C didnt answer and they never spoke.
I spent weeks trying to keep a lid on things by explaining to hubby how unhappy id been and that this guy showed me attention and love which is what i needed.
C and i went our seperate ways whilsthubby and i seemed to have moved on a gear, things were better and i felt happier.
Then it starts to wear off... back to the non interested husband who is only attentive when he wants sex and most times only gets pleasure himself. i cranked up conversation with C again thinking " right this time is it, im going not coming back as i really do love C and my future is with him"
I speak to C and after a couple of weeks he tells me he's met someone else (i had always dreaded this)
However C is 40 yrs old and his new girlfriend has just turned 19.... Ive tried to tell him it wont work etc and hes making a mistake and that i really do love him but he is adamant that he wants to see this girl (who is actually younger than his daughter)
Im devastated.. ive always thought that we will end up together and i cant bear this thought of him and someone else!!
What can i do??????