Am I Doomed?

[whatname]

I just think that my inability to accept that id need to change a bit and actually do it might be a bit of a downfall for me in this situation atleast..

There is a girl i want to ask out BUT, regardless of ALL the details, im just not comfortable with the idea of her maybe being too social for me?

What if she is a very social person and eventually perhaps id have to hang out with her friends? I would be dreadful in such a situation, quiet and awkward, and uncomfortable...

I feel id need to accept this and do my best to change, but i also dont feel like it, but if i dont it would def rule out so many possibilities...

Lets say that she says yes to me asking her out...how would you approach her about this kind of thing? Or would you even do so considering what her beliefs might be?

I think its ridiculous to have a chance considering that she could just say, why waste my time with him and sacrifice my self for him?

Id have to make a very radical turn, i am smart enough to put an act, i can give the impression of a cocky, clever, quick witted asshole sometimes, but back when i tried to do it regularly i made many enemies and my brain would be a whirlwind of war

If i am just my self i dont see this working for her, and if i do the other it wont work for me..

My relationship i have with her is more than enough for me to say that she would actually being doing me a favor by accepting, so i dont see how me asking for patience and understanding would be appealing to her specially since she probably doesnt have much to lose if she just says, get out of my sight..dates over...

[basilandthyme]

What if she is a very social person and eventually perhaps id have to hang out with her friends? I would be dreadful in such a situation, quiet and awkward, and uncomfortable...

You don't know if she's too social for you. You don't know if hanging out with her friends will be a problem. The only thing that we do know is that you're creating problems where none exist.

Stop thinking. Just Do It.

If it doesn't work out, then end it and meet a new girl.

[Kromat83]

Just think of her letting you hang out with her friends as good thing.
It you two are very close, her friends will help her out, that your
actually someone that she should keep.
Our friends influence most decisions in our life, and dating isn't any different.
It's strange to think of someone being too social as a bad thing.
Find areas in which you can contribute, and stop worrying about the outcomes.
Let things flow naturally, and you'll see how much better you'll feel.

[ashley89]

you are basing a lot of this on assumptions, but worst case scenario she is social and wants you to hang out with her friends... is that such a bad thing? if you're going to date and be in a relationship with this girl you're eventually gonna have to meet the people she's close with. and if you are that awkward, shy, uncomfortable etc. how do you think dating her in general is going to go? you need social skills in order to do that...

[whatname]

you are basing a lot of this on assumptions, but worst case scenario she is social and wants you to hang out with her friends... is that such a bad thing? if you're going to date and be in a relationship with this girl you're eventually gonna have to meet the people she's close with. and if you are that awkward, shy, uncomfortable etc. how do you think dating her in general is going to go? you need social skills in order to do that...

Thats why i kind of wrote the thread title as "am i doomed", i think i could hang out with her friends but i dont know, anxiety enters inside of me, im naturally not a guy who would talk about much interesting things perhaps around others...

Like i imagine going out with her and her friends and maybe be in a situation where her friends are all of the very social type, screaming things, and me sitting there like an idiot saying nothing..

Hm...i guess id have to pick up a bit more confidence..

Like in the class she sits in, she sits next to a few females, if she tells me to sit next to her, i cant possibly imagine what to do.

[ashley89]

why would they be screaming? lol yes confidence is definitely key. you don't need to be a crazy party animal but if you want to date you need to be at least somewhat social. if you do end up going out with her she will introduce you to her friends and you don't wanna be that awkward guy sitting in the corner not having a good time. just talk to her, bring up things about the class, ask her questions, see how the conversation goes. you need to be confident with yourself though!

[whatname]

why would they be screaming? lol yes confidence is definitely key. you don't need to be a crazy party animal but if you want to date you need to be at least somewhat social. if you do end up going out with her she will introduce you to her friends and you don't wanna be that awkward guy sitting in the corner not having a good time. just talk to her, bring up things about the class, ask her questions, see how the conversation goes. you need to be confident with yourself though!

I guess all i can do is be my self and not bring any of the negative thoughts in my head...because thats where the anxiety comes from..

i might think, what if they think that im ugly or quiet, and tell her about it or talk about it...ill try to be positive.

[Boisdevie]

Are you doomed? Well if you don't stop all this incessant over-analysing, obsessing and what ifs then yes you've got no chance.

[pcmaster]

Your problem is that you think too much. Stop thinking and just do. You will found out that much more will be done in this way.

[basilandthyme]

Thats why i kind of wrote the thread title as "am i doomed", i think i could hang out with her friends but i dont know, anxiety enters inside of me, im naturally not a guy who would talk about much interesting things perhaps around others...

Like i imagine going out with her and her friends and maybe be in a situation where her friends are all of the very social type, screaming things, and me sitting there like an idiot saying nothing..(snip)......Like in the class she sits in, she sits next to a few females, if she tells me to sit next to her, i cant possibly imagine what to do.

If you don't know what to say, you do what good listeners do: you ask questions. Most people like talking if there's an interested audience. If she asks you to sit next to her in class, you sit next to her.