Girlfriend is bi-curious.

[murdock311]

So I just started seeing this girl about 2 months ago and we've hit it off VERY well. On our third date she mentioned that she's been with a "female friend" only a couple times and fooled around a little but never did a whole lot, she's attracted to women, just not as much as she is to men. I'm a very accepting person, so I thought about it for a moment and said I wasn't bothered by the LGBT community (which is true, I'm completely straight, but don't see a problem with anyone different). She has made it perfectly clear that I can trust her, we both have A LOT of trust in each other, I think that's why things have been going so well; aside from the fact that we have a lot in common and seem to be meant for each other in the bedroom. My jealousy has been almost non-existent in this relationship which is new for me, so the trust is strong. She's been completely open with me about everything, as I have been with her. However she asked me last week if I would mind if she experimented with another girl eventually, just for fun and to get the curiosity out of her system. I told her I'm not completely comfortable with it, she said she understands and would never do anything without my permission and would certainly never cheat on me.

The dual voices in my head have been fighting over this. My imaginative/loose side thinks "hey, why not, whats hotter than two women all over each other, plus it'll satisfy her curiosity and possibly get rid of future urges she may have". However the sensible/logical side thinks "don't forget, you can be a very jealous boyfriend, and this IS cheating, she's just asking you for permission instead. are you going to be able to accept the fact that she was with a woman while you two were together? And what if this opens UP future urges she may have instead".

Of course the decision is ultimately mine and hers, I am looking for some advice/insight from the female community. I may also ask this in the male forum as well.

So what do the women here think? And if there are any women here that are bi, that would be a big help!

EDIT: I should mention our ages are 25/26. I know that can make a difference in some circumstances.

[pisces25]

I am female and if my bf wanted to experiment I would break up with him to allow him to do this. I couldn't imagine him being with anyone else, female or male, if we were in a committed relationship.

[murdock311]

I am female and if my bf wanted to experiment I would break up with him to allow him to do this. I couldn't imagine him being with anyone else, female or male, if we were in a committed relationship.

You mean just breaking up for a small amount of time for this to happen? That isn't a bad idea. I know it wouldn't happen any time soon, I may suggest this as a possible option. Thanks.

[pisces25]

No sorry I meant I would break up with him meaning he probably isn't the guy for me. You are right, your GF is basically saying she wants to have a sexual relationship with someone yet asking for your permission. If she says she won't if you're uncomfortable with it then you need to make the call whether you trust that what she says she will stick by.

[murdock311]

I see, I wasn't sure if thats what you meant or not. She seems very sincere when she says she understands if I don't want her to. Which I will probably stick to.

I still would like to here from a bi-curious/bi-sexual female here too. I would like to hear something from their angle as well.

[missanthrope]

If she seems to be someone who is deserving of trust and is trustworthy, I am sure that she will take your reservations at face value. Even if she's going to have sex with someone of the same gender, it is still cheating unless you're in an open relationship. My gut intuition is she will respect your decision on the matter and not cheat.

[murdock311]

Thanks for the replies! We discussed it a little further and she understands and I know she won't cheat.

[missanthrope]

Good! Sounds like a nice girl. Happy for you.

[Fru]

I think Missanthrope is right in saying that having sex with someone else is still cheating whether it's with a guy or girl. But it sounds like she's not going to cheat on you (the fact that she talked to you about it to get your feelings on the matter in the first place is good, rather than her just going and doing it).

If you're still debating whether or not you're ok with it, maybe ask yourself if you would still be ok with it if she wanted to do this with another guy rather than a girl. If not, then I don't think you'll be comfortable with her experimenting with another girl. In my opinion the gender doesn't matter so much as the fact that she would be intimate with another person other than you. Some people seem to be ok with open relationships, so maybe it could work if you think you'd be fine with it, but as for myself I wouldn't risk it.

[inflorescence]

she's attracted to women, just not as much as she is to men.

I agree!

I'm a very accepting person, so I thought about it for a moment and said I wasn't bothered by the LGBT community (which is true, I'm completely straight, but don't see a problem with anyone different). She has made it perfectly clear that I can trust her, we both have A LOT of trust in each other, I think that's why things have been going so well; aside from the fact that we have a lot in common and seem to be meant for each other in the bedroom. My jealousy has been almost non-existent in this relationship which is new for me, so the trust is strong. She's been completely open with me about everything, as I have been with her.

This is fantastic sounds like you have a great open sounding board with each other!

However she asked me last week if I would mind if she experimented with another girl eventually, just for fun and to get the curiosity out of her system. I told her I'm not completely comfortable with it, she said she understands and would never do anything without my permission and would certainly never cheat on me.

This is a wonderful sign that she can talk about it with you, maybe tell her you would like to get to know her a little better before you start to incorporate other people into the relationship. I must admit after a few years of being together adding that little extra fun in can strengthen the relationship!

The dual voices in my head have been fighting over this. My imaginative/loose side thinks "hey, why not, whats hotter than two women all over each other, plus it'll satisfy her curiosity and possibly get rid of future urges she may have".

If she is bi she will always be attracted to women. IMO, but again there is nothing wrong with curiosity as long as you are sharing the curious experience together!

However the sensible/logical side thinks "don't forget, you can be a very jealous boyfriend, and this IS cheating, she's just asking you for permission instead. are you going to be able to accept the fact that she was with a woman while you two were together? And what if this opens UP future urges she may have instead".

The way you have described her does not sound like she would cheat on you. Just because someone is attracted to someone male OR female does not mean they are going to sacrifice a fantastic relationship for a curiosity. As you have mentioned you are older and are more likely to have you're head on your shoulders. If she asked you and you expressed how you felt and she did it anyway behind your back then I would have a HUGE issue.. if she's just imaging it or speaking strictly hypothetical brush it off. Open your mind... two girls together is HOT, and they will surely look after you times TWO!

So what do the women here think? And if there are any women here that are bi, that would be a big help!

For your knowledge... I am 25, my now ex boyfriend is 28. I am bisexual and he accepted it... I incorporated it into our relationship by the odd 3-some. I will ALWAYS for the rest of my life be attracted to women, but I know I will never want to be in a relationship with one.. too much drama IMO. I asked him I could hook up with a lady on my own (cause he use to work all the time) But he considered it cheating, so I didn't. (He was afraid I would get emotionally involved, which to this date has never been the case-it's strictly attraction for me) I just have to hope the next person I date has an open mind and heart for my life long curiosity... (Plus it makes sex after in the bedroom steamier.. )

[murdock311]

Thanks for the detailed reply inflorescence! We just spent St. Patricks Day together having a few drinks together along with one of her friends (straight female friend). She told me before hand that when she drinks she tends to get slightly flirty with women. I noticed she tested me a little bit when she got somewhat flirty with the one female bartender and I actually found it kind of entertaining, I saw she enjoyed it in a playful way and I'm happy when she's happy. She looked at me right afterwards with a questioning look and I just smiled letting her know I was fine with it. Later that night after we got back to my place she asked if she had done anything wrong (several times), I told her the truth that it was almost a little fun to watch and that a little mild flirting is ok with me as long as I know about it. She apoligized even though I told her she was in the clear and didn't do anything wrong. So right now I'm still undecided, I guess only time will tell. She had a past experience with a 3-some that she did not enjoy, I guess the guy that her and her now ex-girlfriend (despite having a girlfriend she still considers herself bi-curious, she doesn't like the label "bi-sexual") had it with was a jerk though.

Thanks for all the other replies from everyone else too so far!

[taffyjoe]

I am 21 years old and a bisexual female. I may be jumping to conclusions and stop me if I'm wrong but... I feel like based on what you have posted about her she might be more 'bi' than she wants to admit to herself. Sexuality is fluid and ever changing and sometimes even regardless of sexuality you fall in love with someone (despite gender) for them. In your case, you. She obviously cares about you and respects you if she ASKED you if it was okay to hook-up with other girls. But after seeing that she also FLIRTS with women when she's drunk and asked you if it was okay (several times) it just feels like she's hiding something or suppressing her urges.

This may or may not help but I'm in a relationship with my girlfriend and we've been together for awhile 4-years. This is going to sound horrible but I cheated on her with a GUY (a year into our relationship) because I don't know, I guess I just missed being with a guy sexually. But it turns out I regretted it and realized that she's the one I LOVE and the other stuff like the urge to "hook up with a guy" in your gf's case "hook up with girls" doesn't really compare to finding real LOVE and in the end it's not worth it.

Question: has she ever hooked up with a girl? Like full on sex? (not counting the 3-some because it wasn't a good experience)

[toknow]

She is not bi-curious - she's bi-already-done-it

[michelle23]

If my bf wanted to experiment-id end the relationship for good. Youve already said you are not comfortable with it and even if she does try to get it out of her system once-that temptation to do it again will always be there. I dont think this issue will go away OP. She is not bi-curious. She is bi and eventually will want to explore regularly which could lead to her wanting an open relationship.

It is your choice but if this is something that will upset you long term- i say get out now while its still early days

[Over The Fence]

This post is almost a year old. Locked.