He makes me wait for days for a response regarding plans

[FriendlyStrange]

I've been casually seeing a guy for a couple of weeks, for the most part things have been fine. He's always been slow with replying to messages. I don't send many messages, pretty much just the "hey, thanks for a fun evening" ones and then anything else is usually working out the next time we'll see eachother. I am not clingy or pushy, my rule is to let someone know I like them but never to jump through hoops or throw myself at them desperately.

When we're together in person, he shows me a lot of indicators that he's interested in me. He's always making physical contact with me, touching my arm in conversation, holding my hand. Conversation seems to flow well, we make eachother laugh, and he says I'm a great kisser. We've met up a few times now, whenever we say goodbye he never says goodbye, always a kiss and a "I'll see you soon". I am not good at reading people, but this stuff made me think he was interested.

But then why is it taking so much effort to arrange another time to see him? I simply asked if he was free on the weekend and first off, he takes days to respond to each message, and secondly, he keeps switching between Friday and Saturday like he can't make his mind up and keeps talking about his schedule being so crazy at the moment. I can totally understand that life can be busy, if it's not a good time we could arrange something else, but why make me wait around for days! I would like to know whether I should make other plans. In my replies I have hidden the fact that this snail-paced exchange of messages is irritating me and kept it light and casual.

I wondered if this was his way of giving me the brush off, but yet he's not canceling on me, he just keeps switching between these two days and taking ages to reply. I wondered if he was seeing someone else and was trying to schedule me around that, I don't think he is but it is possible and we aren't committed after all. But if this hypothetical other girl is the priority then why not just tell me he is busy? If he's been invited to a party or some other better offer, again, why not just tell me he's busy? I have no idea if he's trying to make time for me in a very busy weekend, or if he's squeezing me out to make room for better offers? I don't want to write him off over jumping to conclusions, I like him, but I tend to back off when people confuse me or make me doubt their interest. I guess my question is, as a guy, if you liked a girl but lead a busy lifestyle, would you make her wait days for your response and yet still not settle on a day? If you didn't like her, why would you keep stringing her along and not just cancel altogether?

[VincenzoG91]

Some people don't like to plan ahead. They would rather be spontaneous, and planning ahead makes them feel trapped. Still, intentionally or not, he has let you know that you are not the highest priority in his life. But you have only been dating casually for a couple of weeks, so it's possible that you're not the only one that he is seeing right now. Or maybe he just hasn't decided anything about you yet.

[FriendlyStrange]

Thanks for the response

The thing bothering me the most is the whole vagueness. If he's not into me, seeing someone else, whatever, can't he just say so? I don't expect to be high priority when we're only just getting to know each other, I just want to be clear on things. The spontaneous thing is another possibility, but he knows that I have to plan things as I often work strange hours, so he told me to let him know what are good times for me. I'm feeling pessimistic, it's a shame, he seemed so nice in person.

[michelle23]

I would see this as a red flag. Are you sure hes not seeing someone else or maybe 5 someone elses?? That is what would be going through my head if he is keeping you at arms lenght and wont give you a straight answer.

If hes really into you-he should really want to see you regularly and he should also want to hear from you-text, FB, email, phonecall etc..

[Cerby]

Don't waste any more time, wait for him to come to you and plan based on your schedule. Make him feel like he is the one being treated as the "option". Once that becomes clear, he'll get his shit together. If not, then he isn't worth it.

[basilandthyme]

I agree with all that has been written so far. I think there's a good chance he's juggling you with other girls. And I also agree that you should wait for him to come to you - and then you can see him when it suits you. And it's clear that you're not his top priority.

Lastly, don't leave it up to him to tell you whether or not he's interested. Take your power back, woman! If he's meeting your needs, stay with him. If he's not, then move on.

[pcmaster]

Whatever he have going on his life right now(work, career etc) you are not no. 1 in his action list. Maybe in his heart but not mind.
Maybe he has two phones - one for work and one personal so sometimes it takes days to notice when someone wanted get in touch. Happens to me. However show some character he will like you even more if you stand up for yourself and dont let him go away unpunished for his ignorance.

And yes I might let the girl wait for me if I wouldnt be ready or sure about myself.

Next time better call or meet in person.Texts is so unpersonal.

[michelle23]

If he was really into you he would make time. Why are you bothering with him? Just forget him. If somethkng feels wrong it probably is so follow your instincts. There are billions of men in the worls so why waste your time on someone who is giving you mixed signals and confusing you after only two weeks.

Hes supposed to be chasing you! Lol! And if he was really interested he would so stop wasting your time and wait to meet someone who has more time to fit you into his schedule

[Wakeup]

You've only been seeing him for a couple of weeks which means you've maybe been in his company (by the sounds of things) two or three times. That's not much to be expecting things from him yet IMO. I suggest you don't pin all your hopes and time on him and keep busy dating others and when/if he calls to take you out, if you've not already made plans then go. Can you contact him any other way besides text? What (if anything) do you know about this guy other than he doesn't return texts for days (which I agree with Michelle, is a red flag). Did you meet him on a dating site? You don't seem to know much about his mysterious self. Dare I say "he sounds married or otherwise involved. Usually men who are into you or men who are'nt exercising many options will respond more enthusiastically to a girl initiating getting together with him.

Bottomline: If you're going to proceed with him, do so with some caution. Did you go to bed with him yet?

[FriendlyStrange]

Thanks for the replies.

I think your advice is good. I know he does have more than one job so he is busy, but it doesn't take days to answer a very simple question. I guess I just wanted a second opinion to help judge whether it's my own defense mechanism overreacting, as I have been wrong in the past. Good to know I am probably not being paranoid for no reason. Basically I am not making a single move now, I'm sticking to my rule...I don't jump through hoops or throw myself at anyone

I can handle someone not being into me, it's a few weeks, not long enough to be too attached or to have hopes pinned onto him. I am just irritated because I am not the sort of girl who demands much at all, yet a guy can't just be clear if he's not interested? It's common respect, god...

[basilandthyme]

It's only been a couple of weeks....he's still getting to know you. I think it's a bit early for him to dedicate himself to chasing you.

[FriendlyStrange]

He never needed to chase me, really, I have asked for nothing other than if he wanted to meet up this weekend. If he said no that'd be fine. I just don't understand what the point is, if he liked me why would it take days to get back to me, and if he doesn't want to see me then why not just say he's busy and be done with it?

[michelle23]

He never needed to chase me, really, I have asked for nothing other than if he wanted to meet up this weekend. If he said no that'd be fine. I just don't understand what the point is, if he liked me why would it take days to get back to me, and if he doesn't want to see me then why not just say he's busy and be done with it?

This is what they do. When your together-blow you away by how "perfect he is" and then confuse the life out of you until the next time that he can show you what you want to see and tell you what you want to hear. Men like that are very good at these games. Dont fall for it.

[FriendlyStrange]

This is what they do. When your together-blow you away by how "perfect he is" and then confuse the life out of you until the next time that he can show you what you want to see and tell you what you want to hear. Men like that are very good at these games. Dont fall for it.

I hate playing games, and I have little patience for them. It all seems totally pointless to me and I'm not going to play along.

[surfhb2]

This is a prime example of why texting should be avoided early in a relationship. You want to talk to the guy? Call him