Is my boyfriend gay?

[papayaaa]

I'm in a relationship since 2 years with a man in his early forties and I have doubts about his sexual orientation. We do not live together.

Here are the reasons that initiated my doubting (some may appear to be very 'cliché' but I added them anyway):

Social life:
- He has many friends, some of whom are gay and who seems to agree very well.
- He has female friends, older and his age, not super attractive but he really get along with them super well
- He has some friends who are long time bachelors.
- I feel that he is secretive and always keeps his cell phone with him, the ring off when I'm with him.

Interests:
- When I asked him what was his favorite movies, Brokeback Mountain was on his list.
- He loves sports but he has recently enrolled in visual arts.

Privacy:
- Often, his erection is not full when we make love unless I use my lips and tongue.
- He loves that I caress the prostate are with my finger, nothing excites him more.
- The penetration does not seem to overly excited hi and sex can be very long if I do not use my hands and tongue.
- At the beginning of our relationship, he initiated sex a lot, and now we can go a few days without intimacy.
- He loves to talk during sex, creating sexy scenario involving third parties (male or female), that seems to really turn him on.

Look and hygiene:
- He likes to wear fitted sweaters, he is tall and very athletic.
- He uses moisturizing creams for his face
- He shaves his pubic hair..

Anecdote:
- An acquaintance of mine asked me about his sexual orientation, thought he may be gay

My lover is a very handsome man and women and men flirt with him. He has a lot of charisma, is masculine and has a one million dollar smile.

I have already asked him whether he was attracted to men, and he assured me that he is not gay ... but for me, it is not clear and it is the first time I feel that with a man.

He has always been very romantic with me, offering gifts and sending me text messages every day. He would also like to have children with me ..

Thank you for your opinion.

[michelle23]

I would say classic player, serial cheat, untrustworthybut prob not gay.. Could have another women on the side. How often do you see him?

[Wakeup]

One word Op.. look it up: "Metrosexual" It describes your boyfriend to a tee...

*

the New York Times' Sunday Styles section ran a story, "Metrosexuals Come Out." The term and its connotations continued to roll steadily into more news outlets around the world.

Though it did represent a complex and gradual change in the shopping and self-presentation habits of both men and women, the idea of metrosexuality was often distilled in the media down to a few men—David Beckham, Sam Romano, and Brad Pitt were frequently mentioned—and a short checklist of vanities, like skin care products, scented candles and costly, colorful dress shirts and pricey designer jeans.[4] It was this image of the metrosexual—that of a straight young man who got pedicures and facials, practiced aromatherapy and spent freely on clothes—that contributed to a backlash against the term from men who merely wanted to feel free to take more care with their appearance than had been the norm in the 1990s, when companies abandoned dress codes.

What you describe sounds more in tune with the following then it does with that of a "player" as previously suggested:

Definition of METROSEXUAL
: a usually urban heterosexual male given to enhancing his personal appearance by fastidious grooming, beauty treatments, and fashionable clothes

[basilandthyme]

I'm also thinking Metrosexual

[Rowen]

I would say classic player, serial cheat, untrustworthybut prob not gay.. Could have another women on the side. How often do you see him?

Yeah, no... He doesn't sound like that at all.


OP, I would definitely go with metrosexual. He could be trying to hold onto bits of his youth by doing that. I wouldn't think too much of it.

On the other hand, perhaps he could be curious, due to his sexual fantasies and likings. Even if he is, I highly doubt he's keeping that from you because you've stated that he's expressed fantasies with men to you in bed. That being said, I wouldn't think he's cheating on you. After all, if a man is going to be curious, he's sure as hell not going to express fantasies like that to his girlfriend. Instead, he'll keep it to himself and sneak around to fulfill them. He's being honest with you; accept it at literal value.

I must confess though that your thread title made me laugh when I saw it because I'm gay. hahaha Honestly, in my opinion, he sounds metrosexual- nothing to worry about.

[papayaaa]

All right!
Thanks for all your comments!

I think you got it right!
I never been out with a metrosexual guy before.. and that is quite different from a 'conventional' man.
Good to hear your opinions.

[papayaaa]

*read your opinions..

[ashley89]

I would say classic player, serial cheat, untrustworthybut prob not gay.. Could have another women on the side. How often do you see him?

where did you get that from? hahaha

[Boisdevie]

Oh my god. My GF bought me moisturising cream for my face. So now I know the horrible truth. She's trying to turn me gay. Never seen Brokeback Mountain though. Phew.

[basilandthyme]

and I thought that most bloke's nether regions were familiar with a razor or clippers these days....

[toknow]

LOL...The title made me laugh.

Never mind the other reasons. If one of his favorite movies is Brokeback Mountain and he saw it a while back, this is a red flag. It could be he could see past the homosexuality and was taken by the emotion of the story itself. I don't remember much from the movie except the whole movie is about their homosexual affair. Note they, too had wives.
It could be he is bi.

[michelle23]

where did you get that from? hahaha

sneaky, secretive with his phone, lots of female friends, male grooming...

[michelle23]

cheat: That is where I got my opinion from:

- He has female friends, older and his age, not super attractive but he really get along with them super well
- He has some friends who are long time bachelors.
- I feel that he is secretive and always keeps his cell phone with him, the ring off when I'm with him.
- He has always been very romantic with me, offering gifts and sending me text messages every day.

[ashley89]

papaya I used to be with a guy who was similar to your boyfriend. he was very into his looks, he had a blowdryer for his hair, and sometimes used concealer on his face (not even kidding! haha) his house was super clean and neat, unlike any other guy's house I've seen. he even used those diffuser sticks to make it smell good. he was the same way with the prostate area, and was always trying to get me to have anal, and sometimes I would worry like really is this guy gay? but I think that's just us being paranoid. the more you think about it, if this guy were gay why would he be wasting his time in a relationship with you? I don't think they would spend all this time with girls and actually go through with the sex if they liked men. and plus the guy I was seeing nobody really knew about us, so it's not like he was trying to prove anything to anybody. I totally understand where you're coming from but I don't think you have anything to worry about. and the brokeback mountain thing I mean it's just a movie! if people like the movie silence of the lambs does that mean they wanna go out and become a cannibal? hahaha and even Rowen who is gay himself said you have nothing to worry about ;]

[searock]

If one of his favorite movies is Brokeback Mountain and he saw it a while back, this is a red flag. It could be he could see past the homosexuality and was taken by the emotion of the story itself. I don't remember much from the movie except the whole movie is about their homosexual affair. Note they, too had wives.
It could be he is bi.

You're kidding, right?