Turning back the clock

[Sarahd2105]

Hi All

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I am really in a rut and could do with some advice.

I had been with my ex-partner for over 6 years until we broke up about 3 months ago. When I first met him, he had a flatmate and we both got on really well. When my partner took an epileptic fit (which he had never done before), it was his flatmate who came to the hospital with me and sat with me for 7 hours until I found out what was happening. Obviously, I can't deny the fact that he was also worried. When my ex-partner and I used to have an argument, it was the flatmate who used to support me and nearly always had a go at my ex-partner for the way he was acting. My ex's flatmate moved out of his flat about 4 years ago but we live in a small village so I still some him from time to time. We never went out for a drink or anything like that but we used to stand and blether in the street or at the shops if we saw each other.

About 3 years ago, my ex-partner and I were having a massive argument, when he let slip that his flatmate had fallen out with him when we first got together because he was wanting to ask me out as well and was never brave enough to do it. I took this as a bit of a shock as I also had feelings for him but never got any signals from him at the time so thought I was just wasting my time.

About 2 weeks ago, I was on Facebook and discovered that the flatmate was also a friend of a friend, so I asked him to be friends which he accepted. That night he messaged me and asked how myself and my ex-partner were and I told him that we had split up about 3 months ago. His reaction was that we had been together for over 6 years and that that was a lot to through away. I've always been found of the flatmate as he has always been there for me and always been good to me. We got speaking on Valentine's Day through Facebook and I propositioned him to casual sex, no ties. He was really up for it but said that he needed time to think about it because my ex-partner is one of his friends and it's an unwritten law that you just don't do that kind of thing to your friends. Anyway, he came back to me and said that he was really tempted but couldn't do it to my ex. I commend his loyalty and can fully appreciate and understand his decision. In my stupidity, I let him know that I wanted to make a go of it with him. He replied that it would never work. The reason for his decision was that I had gone out with his friend and that the circumstances would make it impossible to work. He also said that if I hadn't gone out with his friend then he would have no hesitation in giving it a go.

I'm absolutely gutted. This guy is a brilliant guy and it looks like I made a huge mistake 6 years ago which I'll never be able to rectify. But I know he has feelings for me too and I don't know what road I should take now. I don't know whether to just back off completely and put it down to life, or whether to speak to him in person and get everything out into the open. I don't want to give up on something which I know would be brilliant.

I suppose my question is this: Should I just walk away or should I stand and fight?!?!

xx

[michelle23]

6years was a long time. You need to be alone for awhile and be sure its really over with the ex. I dont think its a good idea to go out with his friend. Its unfair to your ex

[smackie9]

You truly need to stay single for awhile and respect his friend's decision not to pursue anything. Hey it's only been three months, you need to give getting into a relationship a rest. Don't beat yourself up over this. Just because it didn't happen doesn't mean you missed an opportunity of a life time with this guy. He may have turned out to be a dud. Who knows, maybe a year or two down the road he may feel differently.

Tip: when a guy goes out of his way to console you, he is interested in you. Guys don't make a huge effort for a girl they don't like.