Do I tell him, or not??

**cindymae** · 17-02-13, 08:54 AM

Hello...
I have been online dating for awhile now. I met a guy that I have been sleeping with for just over a month. He is still online obviously searching so I am assuming I am not for him on a longterm level and our relationship must be purely sexual otherwise he wouldn't still be looking. Right? I am looking for a longterm boyfriend so I continue to go online as well. I haven't found a connection as of yet but do I tell him I am dating other people or is that wrong? I just don't want to be hiding anything or him to be bent of shape later if I meet someone and have to tell him its over. I am very attracted to him but assuming the feeling is not mutual and only sexual for him. So...gotta keep searching for "the one". I am only sleeping with him, and no one else. Do I tell him I am dating other people or is it just a given that he would know? I sure wish he felt the connection to me that I felt to him, but if I am only able to enjoy his company for a short time so be it!

**RipVanWinkleX** · 17-02-13, 08:58 AM

oh wow... I am so light headed at the moment, I read it wrong lol. Time for me to head to bed lol

**michelle23** · 17-02-13, 09:02 AM

Why not just forget him and go your separate ways so you can meet someone who wants the same things as u

**cindymae** · 17-02-13, 09:02 AM

I am not sure what you mean. I am sleeping with the guy and I met him online....lol
He is still searching online for women. I am very attracted to him but he is still looking. So I guess that means that I still look to. But I don't know if I tell him I am dating others. He is still looking, so I should be able to, too!

**cindymae** · 17-02-13, 09:03 AM

I will think about that thank you. I suppose you are right, he is using me until he finds something better

**michelle23** · 17-02-13, 09:06 AM

Forget him

**Rowen** · 17-02-13, 10:29 AM

Okay, for the first time on this site, I'm actually speechless after reading an OP's starting post....no offense. I wish you could see the look on my face right now.

Anyway, I think Michelle is right in this case. But what baffles me the most is how does one even get into that situation if you're "looking for a longterm boyfriend"? I'm not trying to offend you; I'm actually baffled...

To be honest, though, next time, make him work for it. Don't jump into bed with a guy unless you've been dating him for a while (about a month, which even then can be a bit early for some people). Think about it: if someone is going to jump into bed with you on the first date, it certainly speaks to their character and level of respect for you, doesn't it? If I'm going out with someone, I'm certainly expecting nothing more from the first date than a hug or holding their hand for a little- one kiss if it's been a good date.

If someone is trying to get you into bed on the first date, it's saying that they're in it for the sex and your body. Do you want to be a vanity object he tosses away when you get old and grey, or do you want to be a treasure- a shining light in his life?

**Wakeup** · 17-02-13, 10:41 AM

Op: have you even discussed exclusivity with him? You're fking him, the least you can do is see if he's willing to give up others if you are before you kick his ass to the curb.

Originally Posted by cindymae

I will think about that thank you. I suppose you are right, he is using me until he finds something better

If your profile is still up and you're active on it, maybe he is thinking the same thing about you? What are you using him for if not for sex?

As this point for all you know he does want the same thing you do but because you're both assuming you're not getting what you want.

How about a convo and then if he's not on the same page as you, dump him and carry on looking.. But right now, without knowing or defining.. you're using one another for sex

**cindymae** · 17-02-13, 01:57 PM

I understand what you are saying and I should have said that we have casually dated since November but have been sleeping together for a month, and he is still looking.

**surfhb2** · 17-02-13, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by cindymae

... assuming the feeling is not mutual )

Instead of making assumptions why tell him what you want from him. Just because those sites says youre online, doesnt mean its the case.

**HeartIsAching** · 17-02-13, 03:03 PM

Oh for ****s sake. Tell him you want to be exclusive. If he says no, THEN you kick him to the curb... unless you're fine with just being a **** buddy while you both look.

**toknow** · 17-02-13, 07:35 PM

Do you even know what you are looking for? How can you jump in bed with a guy before your feelings are sorted out, and then expect a long term relationship. You are doing this backwards. With you doing this whether consciously or subconsciously you are sending him a message that this is just physical, but then you expect him to think different.

Let him know how you feel, and if he doesn't want the same, end it.

**Wakeup** · 18-02-13, 01:44 AM

Originally Posted by cindymae

I understand what you are saying and I should have said that we have casually dated since November but have been sleeping together for a month, and he is still looking.

This is nothing new from your first post. Just talk to the man about exclusivity and if he won't give it to you then you best make sure you're using a rubber ...

and a mallet for your own head for being stupid about your emotional health and sexual health. Why would you not ask for exclusivity when you're sexually intimate? WTH are you afraid of ~ That he'll cut you off? There is no point of you continuing on in limbo when it makes you angsty enough to start a thread about your situation. Get it cleared up and accept the chips where they fall or learn to just enjoy being one in his harem without worrying where you stand. Ugh!

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