My guy has "Intamacy issues"

[angel31]

Such as, he doesn't want me to go down. I know that I'm not bad at it, I know this for a fact. He has even said that I'm great at it...he says he has "intimacy issues" but when I ask him to explain, he says it's hard to explain and ends the conversation. I LIKE going down for one, also, I think he's really selling our relationship short. We could be so much more open if he didn't have these issues. It seems like he has a confidence issue or something, like he's embarassed to get that close? Idk, I'm not a guy so I'm not sure what "intimacy issues" could be. HELP (FYI, the "going down" is just an example, not the only issue that is stemming from this)

[ashley89]

he is really the only one who can truly answer this question... I wouldn't let him end the conversation if you really want to know why he acts like that, get to the bottom of it and figure out what it is that causes him to act that way. most guys love getting head so it's kinda weird he doesn't

[angel31]

it doesn't that he doesn't enjoy it when I do it...it's seriously like it's a self conscious issue...he acts like he's constantly thinking "what is she thinking" is this ok...blah blah. I know that nobody can say for sure what he is thinking I was just hoping for some possibilities that I haven't thought of. And it's not just the getting head thing like I said, when it comes to sex, he isnt' aggresive AT ALL like most men, we always do it in the same position and a lot of times he has trouble functioning throughout. He is a recovering opiate addict, and I've read that opiate abuse can cause sexual problems. I'm very sexually adventurous and have a high sex drive and he is just the opposite. I love him so much, and we are emotionally so close, but I feel like the sexual part of our relationship could be so much better if he opened up, but I dont want to corner him and make him uncomfortable or MORE self conscious by forcing him to talk about it...I'd just love some ideas to throw around as to what may be going on...

[dem862]

Have you ruled out medical causes? Low libido can be caused by a number of things such as low testosterone, and medication side effects. If he is an older man, sometimes the equipment and drive aren't what they used to be. Has he always been that way?

To say it is an intimacy issue suggests a psychological cause, which is usually rooted in childhood experiences. Was he physically or sexually abused? It could also be depression or anxiety.

[Wakeup]

One word: "Teeth"

[ashley89]

One word: "Teeth"

LMAO! I actually was with a guy who wanted me to actually bite him when I was giving him head... how weird is that

[angel31]

Well, he's only 31 so I don't consider him an "older" man, and I wouldn't think age would have anything to do with it. He is, however, a recovering opiate addict, so I'm assuming that has something to do with the low libido, although he's been clean for a while now, I would think that it would have gotten better by now. What I'm refering to is the psysiological side of it, which is exactly what i thought when he said "intimacy issues". No, to my knowledge he was not abused when growing up. I do know that the first girl to give him head had NO idea what she was doing, had braces, and left him cut up and bleeding by the end, so he has always been kind of leary of bj's but...after I did it the first time, did NOT leave him cut up and bleeding, he said he "realized what you are capable of" and he SAID that he liked it when I did it, then, since this post (last night or the night before) he made a comment about me not giving him head...well, I WOULD LOVE TO IF YOU"D LET ME!! I told him that every time I try, he won't roll over and I"m not going to forcefully shove him...he said he didn't realize he was doing that, so maybe things will be different now, I'm not sure. I would just love to know what some of the options for this "psysiological" side of intimacy issues could be. Very strange and frustrating, as I said, I feel like the sexual part of our relationship is being cut short b/c of these issues...there is so much that we COULD do but don't...so much pleasure I could give him if he'd let me...I'm just not sure what is going on with him, and since he is very self conscious sexually (NO reason to be AT ALL)I don't want to bring it up and make him think that I"m not happy with him the way things are. The only reason I"m not happy is b/c I think HE could be getting more...HE could be happier...I'm totally satisfied I just want to be able to further satisfy him.

[searock]

I think it's great that you talked. He told you he wants you to give him head... maybe he's just shy in bed when it comes to his own pleasure (my bf is the same way: it's because his ex used to make him feel guilty for even having sexual urges), so you should be more "dominating"... take the lead. When you want to give him head, just go for it, don't wait for him to tell you he wants it or something (which he now did, by the way).

[elizabethdennis]

You need to talk with your guy. Only he can answer your concerns. Maybe he has past experiences that caused this issues. You ssould deal with it together. But first things first, he needs to tell you why he feels that way.

[rhondagraymond]

If his problems are due to low libido or testosterone then maybe he can try taking Ageless Male. It get's you testosterone levels up to where they are supposed to be and boosts your libido. My husband had a similar problem (not the self conscious issue) and we did a little research before trying it out. I read some Ageless male testimonials and all of them spoke very highly about the product. After trying it, mu husband realized what everyone was talking about, the results are almost instant. You should consult his doctor before trying it.
http://www.agelessmalereviewsu.com/ageless-male-scam/