Don't know how to react

[TikiStyles]

Dabstar. This is totally not acceptable. I'm all for giving someone one chance if your REALLY love them after they cheat, but the fact that it has gone on multiple times over the years is unacceptable. We are only human and people can make mistakes, but cheating MULITPLE TIME WITH MULTIPLE PARTNERS IS NOT A MISTAKE ITS JUST A CHEATER!!!

If you can handle not getting an explanation I agree that you should DUMP her without even bringing up the fact you know she is a cheater. It will leave her as stunned and devastated as your are now which she obviously deserves!! There are alot of things that can be worked our in relationships, but once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater

[michelle23]

I agree with Tikistyles. Let us know what happens Dabstar-we will try to offer you support as you get through this one day at a time.

[Dabstar]

I feel more clear in my thoughts today, she doesn't deserve me & I need a clean break. She's due back in the next couple of hours, if it wasn't for the fact I definitely want the ring back off her I'd have her things waiting for her outside. As it is, I know I'm going to have to talk to her face to face so I'll give her the opportunity to explain herself - I'm kicking her out the house though. I've been wrapped around her fingers for too long and she's taken full advantage.

[michelle23]

Well done Dabstar. Get your ring back and let her go fend for herself. Shes not marriage material and I think it is sometimes easier to heal after such a betrayal as you have a good reason to severely dislike her now as you deal with the grief.

Stay strong and good luck

[Dabstar]

Well, it’s done. I’d love to say I feel better or like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders but I can’t, it all hurts so much. I never want to see her face again for what she’s done.

Maybe the worst thing is that even now, she’s still lying. I gave her the opportunity to be honest with me and she didn’t take it, claimed to not know what I was talking about. Even after I told her I’d seen her posts, she said it wasn’t her who made that thread & she knew nothing about it. That doesn’t even make any sense! Lying to my face all the way to the end.

Worst part is, I told myself that if she’d been honest with me today I’d have allowed her to stay until she had time to sort herself out properly; that’s how much of a sap I am. She threw any olive branch I offered her straight back in my face so as far as I’m concerned, she’s not my problem anymore.

Eventually she started talking about it, turned on the waterworks, said it’d never happen again & hadn’t happened for 6 months or something, how much she loves me… I can’t ever trust her again though. Even if deep down, I really really want to, I can’t. The woman I was going to marry is a lying, dirty, cheating whore who didn’t give a damn about me and I have to accept that. It hurts even typing it.

What makes it easier though is the fact before she went out she said she’d "never forgive me"… as if I was the one in the wrong for kicking her out. If anything sums up what sort of person she is and how wrong I was, it’s that. The most self-absorbed person imaginable, she’s probably leaching off her parents or friends right now & telling them what an asshole I am and how unfair it all is… I don’t care anymore.

She’s tried ringing me twice already but I’m not answering. I never want to see, speak or hear from her again. Tonight is going to involve throwing anything of hers out of my house & pretending she never existed. I’m done being treat like a mug. I deserve so much better than her.

[Wakeup]

Did you get ther ring?

[Dabstar]

Did you get ther ring?

I couldn't get the ring, I will get it back off her though. I have all her things in my house, the ball is in my court.

[michelle23]

Well done dabstar. I know how hard this must be for you. I read through her posts today and all i could see was a selfish, spoiled brat who clearly has no integrity or empathy for others. Shell never change. You can do so much better-just be glad you found out now and not when u were married with kids. You had a lucky escape here.

Stay strong, look after yourself and take some time to heal before you get back out there. It will all get easier over time.

[michelle23]

Dont let this distort your view of women-learn to trust again slowly. There are lots of honest women who wont hurt you-remember that.

Also go to a clinic and get a checkup asap to be sure you didnt catch anything off her.

[ashley89]

what an asshole, I'm so sorry you had to go through this. you did the right thing even though it doesn't feel like it now and will hurt for awhile. hey, at least you found out now so you had a chance to end it before you married this cheater! everything really does happen for a reason.

[Wakeup]

I read through her posts today and all i could see was a selfish, spoiled brat

Who spoiled her (besides dad, of course)?

[HeartIsAching]

How to react? Put all of her things in garbage bags on the front porch.

[Dabstar]

Dont let this distort your view of women-learn to trust again slowly. There are lots of honest women who wont hurt you-remember that.

Also go to a clinic and get a checkup asap to be sure you didnt catch anything off her.

Well done dabstar. I know how hard this must be for you. I read through her posts today and all i could see was a selfish, spoiled brat who clearly has no integrity or empathy for others. Shell never change. You can do so much better-just be glad you found out now and not when u were married with kids. You had a lucky escape here.

Stay strong, look after yourself and take some time to heal before you get back out there. It will all get easier over time.

I don't even want to think about other women right now, I'm still in disbelief that this has actually happened. She's stolen 5 & a half years of my life that I'm not going to get back. Its the most selfish thing she could've done & I will never forgive her for it. It's all been a lie. I'm getting texts saying how sorry she is, how much she loves me & its just making me angrier. I hope karma is a total bitch for her, it's all she deserves.

Like you say, the only positive is that I've found out before marrying her. I don't know how I would've handled that, let alone if kids were involved.

I'm going to her work tomorrow to confront the piece of shit she's been cheating with. I've got to do it, he has a wife who deserves to know. She isn't seeing her things again until I get my ring back off her finger, they can live in my back garden.

[michelle23]

I know how you feel but try to stay calm. Don't go in there all aggressive and hit him or anything. The last thing you need is to be arrested right now so try to stay in control. It will take time to get through this. I know it will be a long time before you are ready to meet someone else-I just meant when you are ready it will be better than this low life you've wasted time on.

I think you should block her from your phone etc so she cant contact you but first tell her you want your ring back if she wants any of her stuff. Hopefully you can try to get your money back for it and if you cant-sell it on ebay

[Dabstar]

I didn't do anything stupid, as angry as I am I'm not a violent person. He's an absolute rat of human being though. I've not been able to find out how to contact his wife, so the next best thing will be reporting him to his boss. I doubt they'll be impressed with a married manager cheating with an engaged employee.

She's not making this easy. She's adamant we'll sort it out & isn't returning the ring, yet she's also saying she's sending people round to collect her things. She wants everything to be on her terms yet again. She hasn't got an ounce of humility in her body. I can't believe how this has turned out and how she has turned out. I would've died for Cheryl; what a great judge of character I must be.