ex girlfriend pulled the "I need time" card?

[spiritofjosh]

ok another confusing update. so I haven't talked to my ex since when I did last Thursday, not a word. but this morning she texts me "so what are you doing for your birthday?" and like advised I was very short and aloof, my response was "idk" because I actually don't know. then she asks "what happened to you wanting to be friends, that went down the drain pretty quick." first off I never pressed on the subject of being friends bc I don't think it's a good idea, so the biggest response she got from me the whole conversation was "I don't need front row seats to watch you hook up with or date other guys." and she just started saying that she knew my attitude was
going to change and that she sees my point but doesn't want to hook up or date other guys and that I'm being a brat. and finally said its time we see each other to exchange out things in person and all I had to say was my stuffs replaceable and to do what she wants. and again she called me a brat and told me to have fun on my bday.

there were more texts from her saying about being friends and that she knew I would act this way but last week she made it seem like blasphemy if I talked to her so I stopped and now she's complaining?

I kept it as brief and to the point as I could, most of my responses were no more than 1 or 2 words. but why would she want to be friends all of as sudden especially after she said she hasn't been with anybody and doesn't want to be? as advised I'm not going to text her back or say anything else so I'm keeping my guard up.

[michelle23]

She is just being defensive, wondering why your not chasing, clinging and begging. And shes angry that your not trying to be her best friend. Leave her at it. If she texts you again about this whole friend thing-say what is the point in being friends, ill never get over you if I have to keep chatting etc with you..

[HeartIsAching]

She's not being defensive, she misses the attention... which means it's working.

[spiritofjosh]

I told her I was wasting my time so I gave up and there is no point in being friends...that's when I told her about being right there to watch her move on and I don't want that.

so is this a good sign? again I'm not going to chase her and won't text her (it got easier) bc frankly the ball is still hers for now.

[michelle23]

Im not sure-this might make her more stubborn but if she really loves you-she will come back.

[spiritofjosh]

This seriously has been eating at me mentally all day. I just can't make sense of what she wants or is thinking! I just can't understand how she doesn't want to move on (in her words, not wanting to hook up or date anybody else) and wants to be friends with me at the same time...I feel this isn't typical female behavior at all. To elaborate, my ex from 3 years ago jumped into a new relationship a month after she broke up with me, and I literally haven't heard from her since. And other relationships that ended previous to her, the female "dumper" moved on and never stayed in contact with me at all. Never had I experienced a break up where the ex wanted to be friends and NOT move on at the same time.

I guess I like to think she wants to be friends so we can maybe start over, or so she can rebuild her trust in me as a friend before jumping back into a relationship? I don't want to jump to conclusions but I wish I knew if still should remain with no contact because I don't want her to think I changed my mind about wanting to be with her. From past experience she doesn't really like to chase me as much as she'd may want to.

[Boisdevie]

Who cares what she thinks.
Who cares what she's doing.
Who cares what she wants.

She is your EX. I have a number of ex girlfriends. They could be shagging the entire local football team because I honestly don't care because they are THE PAST. Stop obsessing about her and just ignore her.

[michelle23]

Personally if me and my bf broke up-I wouldn't jump into something else unless he dumped me and that would only be a rebound to try and heal but Id probably still wait a few months...

If it was me dumping him-Id stay single for at least a year (I'm fairly fussy) so wouldn't settle for just anyone.. Id probably be looking for someone just like him lol so Id end up single for a long time..

If she wants to be friends and isn't seeing anyone else-maybe you should be civil to her and friendly but don't be there with her every day etc-do your own thing but you could meet for coffee once a week or something and when it feels right-ask her whats going on in her head and what is she really thinking. Tell her to be honest but say it in a non-confrontational way-calmly and just tell her you are confused.

At this stage-what have you got to lose? Shell either say its over for good or she wants to build trust. At least you'll know either way.

If your running out of patience-just text her and say whatever needs to be said.

[spiritofjosh]

I know I just come here because it's better than texting her personally. I'm not gonna be mean to her or anything I just dont want to end up getting hurt all over so I dunno how to pursue this type of thing.

[michelle23]

You cant keep sitting around wondering whats going on in her head. Either way you need to know what shes thinking.. How long is it since ye broke up?

[Wakeup]

This seriously has been eating at me mentally all day. I just can't make sense of what she wants or is thinking! I just can't understand how she doesn't want to move on (in her words, not wanting to hook up or date anybody else) and wants to be friends with me at the same time...I feel this isn't typical female behavior at all. To elaborate, my ex from 3 years ago jumped into a new relationship a month after she broke up with me, and I literally haven't heard from her since. And other relationships that ended previous to her, the female "dumper" moved on and never stayed in contact with me at all. Never had I experienced a break up where the ex wanted to be friends and NOT move on at the same time.

I guess I like to think she wants to be friends so we can maybe start over, or so she can rebuild her trust in me as a friend before jumping back into a relationship? I don't want to jump to conclusions but I wish I knew if still should remain with no contact because I don't want her to think I changed my mind about wanting to be with her. From past experience she doesn't really like to chase me as much as she'd may want to.

Why would you let her demote you from lover to groveller for her affections? She wins and you're her lap dog so don't give her her cake and let her eat it to. If she doesn't want to be your boyfriend then don't YOU be her male GIRLFRIEND. You need to be looking out for yourself now which is getting on with your life without her in it so you'll get to the stage of being open to meeting someone who does want to be your girlfriend in the true sense. Anyone who actually wanted to be with you, as you are, past and all, would not hold a carrot in front of you like she's doing.

Cut all contact and stop obsessing about her and this game she is playing. I'll tell you right now that very few new girls in your life will be jiggy with you being friends with a past lover so no contact after you tell her so-long.. because you can never change your past and she's judgemental and insecure about your success with women. You'll always be jumping through hoops to prove yourself to her and any girls like her.

[spiritofjosh]

You cant keep sitting around wondering whats going on in her head. Either way you need to know what shes thinking.. How long is it since ye broke up?

3 weeks about, the first two I kept bugging her though. now she doesn't know how I feel or knows how much she's driving my crazy. again that's why I post here as well as for advice and thoughts from a female non-biased point of view.

[michelle23]

Im not sure if i can give you the right advice. Ive never been n her shoes or your and i honestly dont think shes being fair to you by making you wait around until she makes a decision. She either has to accept your past and that youve changed and move forward without punishing you for something you cant change or admit that it makes her feel insecure or she thinks its seedy (whatever shes thinking) and cant accept it and you both go your separate ways.

I think you really need a straight answer. Shes torturing you right now and you cant leave things the way they are. Text or ring her, ask her to meet you and talk it out. Either get back together there and then or end it once and for all in a civil way.

Thats all you can do

[Wakeup]

Even if she says "Okay, lets try again" she will always hold his past against him. She's immature and insecure. Maybe in 10 years they'd be compatible enough to be happy because she'd be secure enough to not think he's boinking anything that looks his way.

At this point and IMNSHO, you're trying to stick with someone who isn't a good match for you, Josh. Maybe you should take back your personal power and tell her that you're not interested in rekindling?????

[michelle23]

The thing is wakeup-she didnt hear about his past from him. Shes been hearing gossip, rumours, being humiliated by mutual friends saying "what you doing with him" etc..

That would give anyone doubts so i think your advice is biased as its not a black and white situation.