I'm jealous of my boyfriend

[Paichu]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and I can't imagine myself being with anybody else. But a lot of the times I feel like he's too good for me and everyone around me (except for my parents who are pretty much close-minded about everything and everyone) makes me feel that way also. He's quick and very brilliant in a lot of activities like he can figure any problem out in minutes, people even random strangers always come up and talk to him, guys befriend him and girls want him (he doesn't have a single enemy unlike me), he's physically strong, and is basically a renaissance man. We have a 9 year age difference (I'm 23 and he's 32), so that could explain why we're so opposite. He's everything I'm not: charismatic, outgoing, can get any job even though he doesn't have one right now, spiritual, and makes so many friends so easily. Whenever we take out my 16 year old and 10 year old cousin or I introduce him to someone close to me, they always end up enjoying his company more than mine and wanting to spend time with him more than me. Everyone always ends up ignoring me because I'm too awkward and quiet, and don't make as many interesting remarks or jokes as my boyfriend. It also bugs me that he has so many random girls that either like him or flirt with him whether I'm around or not. He doesn't even have to talk to them first or do anything, and he's a bigger guy that looks just like any other guy you meet off the street. But girls are always give me dirty looks and talk to him intimately even though I'm his girlfriend. I love him, but I can't stand being in his shadows or treated like i'm the insignificant half. I thought we were supposed to be equals? What do I do? I love him, but I feel very inferior to him.

[Boisdevie]

Does he treat you well? Does he love you?
Do the problems lie with your own lack of confidence?

[Paichu]

Thanks for replying . He does love me and he does treat me well most of the time. But it's not like how we first met where he made me feel like I was the most special girl in the world (as cheesy as that sounds).As the relationship grew each year, I found he talks to everyone like that because he's a really genuine guy and even admitted he likes to treat everybody equal. Other times, I don't think he treats me well because whenever I try to help him do things (like lift heavy equipment or move stuff out or into his house for example), he loses his temper really quickly and yells at me...even after knowing that I'm not as strong as he is or as smart. I love helping him and he helps me too, but it makes me feel like he takes me for granted. And I do have a lack of confidence because he's the first guy I've ever been with and the first person to ever notice me and make me feel special, but I don't feel that way as much anymore because when we're with other people, he pays more attention to them and forgets about me... we don't do pdas in public because people especially the girls hate it and so we don't even act like a couple or even close in public and thus, he ignores me sometimes.

[Boisdevie]

So the real problem is that you're pissed off because he yells at you and ignores you. Well then the solution is easy. You sit him down and tell him what aspects of the relationship are not working for you. Then he changes stuff or he doesn't. If he changes stuff then fine. If he doesn't then find yourself a new boyfriend.

[michelle23]

Also work on your confidence issues. You should never feel like anyone is better than you.

[toknow]

LOL...Nice guy losing his temper, very interesting.

He doesn't love you. One is patient with the person they love. And by patient I don't mean holding the anger in. I mean, there would be no anger, especially for a minute thing like yours. That's ridiculous, stupid, and weak to be angry at someone for something like that.

[pcmaster]

You still are 23 so you can get 10 times better than him till you reach his age. You have what he dont - time. It takes a while to develop a character when you see someone stronger than you then theres something that they are doing but you dont.

Respect from other people comes from respecting yourself. Confidence comes from smart and right choices that you make everyday for yourself. And When you believe in yourself you are forcing others to believe in you.

[tassy]

your last line lit a fire under me Thank you.

[michelle23]

Respect from other people comes from respecting yourself. Confidence comes from smart and right choices that you make everyday for yourself. And When you believe in yourself you are forcing others to believe in you.

Great words by pcmaster.

You should expect others to treat you the way you treat them. Respecting yourself=not letting someone hurt you amongst lots of other things. There are so many people in this world-you should never settle for someone who treats you badly

Set your standards high and dont settle for anything less than that

[Wakeup]

LOL...Nice guy losing his temper, very interesting.

He doesn't love you. One is patient with the person they love. And by patient I don't mean holding the anger in. I mean, there would be no anger, especially for a minute thing like yours. That's ridiculous, stupid, and weak to be angry at someone for something like that.

The man is not Jesus, Ghandi or Buddha. All people lose their patience with the one they love at one time or another regardless of how much in love you are or how long you've been going together.

OP: You have very little confidence and I think in reality you're quite comfortable in his shadow or else you'd do something to make you a better you... like joining sports team, start a hobby, join groups, see a councellor who specializes in shyness and lack of assertiveness etc. You rely very heavily on your boyfriend for your happiness. I think it's time that you began a bit of a life of your own so that you can reap some of that attention that you resent your boyfriend being able to pull.

How did you meet him, you sound so completely opposite. That alone makes me think you actually like being in his shadow but you resent it at the same time.

[toknow]

LOL...You have very low expectations, Wakeup. You don't have to be Jesus not to be stupid and love someone and treat them with respect. Losing your temper shows both lack of love and stupidity.

[Wakeup]

You are very unfamiliar with long term relationships it seems. That's okay, you'll learn that when you spend a lot of time with someone that once in a while, you're going to disagree or get a little exasperated now and again. it's only when there is a constant diet of it that you know you're in trouble.

Losing your temper does not mean you love them less nor that it's stupidity... its simply human nature. Contrary to movies "love is never having to say your sorry" isn't right. Why do you suppose the words "I'm sorry" were coined, "toknow"

To add: I will say that love shouldn't be "jealous" as the Op says she is. What happened to being proud of your partner and respecting them for who they are, generally?

[mckenna]

I agree with pcmaster. You're only 23!!! Why are you wasting your time thinking all of the things that you should NOT be thinking?! Live your life. Do what makes yourself happy. Never ever depend on anybody for your own happiness. That boyfriend of yours, he sounds like he has no respect for you even though you said he treats you great most of the time. If this guy cares what you think and feel, he SHOULD make you feel better, NOT busy talking with other people. Sure he seems great to you now but you have to remember, he is YEARS older than you. He had experiences that made him into that person today. You don't need to be super social just to get people like you. Be yourself. It is ok to be quiet. It just means you're listening well. If your friends feel you're too quiet, then they are not your real friends. You are who you are and if they don't like that part about you, they are the ones who have problems. Not you. Remember that.

[toknow]

LOL...Wakeup, you can say it hundred more times, it's still not going to be true. And your relationship doesn't set the standard for all relationships and if it did, it would be a pretty dysfunctional one from what I've heard.
So, stop saying how it is with "most" relationships - do you even know most relationships...no - and even if most relationships were like that, it still wouldn't make it right. If you look throughout history you will see, the majority has been wrong many times again, you will see the majority have the average to lower IQ's, compared with the minority of people with high IQs, so just because everyone else does it doesn't necessarily mean it's right. Again a minority has great lasting relationships, the majority has dysfunctional to average.

[Indefinable]

There are a considerable difference of age between you and your boyfriend. As other users said, it is required time to develop character and skills, and your boyfriend have an advantatge. When you reach his age, probably you will have made great progress about your personality, your professinal career and stuff like that. Don't be anxious about this.

But, on the other hand, I'm worried about your feelings of being ignored by him. He must show you all respect, and since he loves you, he should be showing you this respect. And this kind of respect is not related with your ability. You are his girlfriend, and it is required he act to you in a good manner.