We almost broke up and I considered a rebound

[Eagle]

Hey everyone thanks for clicking my post

Today my girlfriend who I have been with for about 9 months now and I almost broke up. She has been seemingly stressed out the past week and had sort of been taking it out on me, by like being a bit mean and threatening to break up with me numerous times. I know most people wouldn't put up with it but I did just because I knew it was her way of handling stress (she has a ton of assignments due for uni next week and she has been struggling hard with them). So today she was annoyed and said let's go on a break. I was like well if that's what you want then okay I guess. The break was meant as in we just don't talk for a week or something but we don't go off with other people (we're still IN a relationship).

She wasn't being the nicest and it really upset me, and I was almost sure we were going to end up breaking up. My friend invited me out to a party at a bar later on tonight and said there'd be lots of girls there. I feel a bit ashamed but I was really annoyed that I was considering going out just to make myself feel better. I wasn't sure if we were breaking up but I'm pretty sure that I thought we were going to. Then my girlfriend decided to threaten to break up with me in the argument which made my mind set that I was going to go out that night, I didn't care (i didn't tell her that).

Then once my mind came back to logical thinking I realised how much I would miss my girlfriend if we actually broke up and how much I love her, and I said to her that I really don't want to break up, and that I love her a lot. Then I texted my friend and said that I wouldn't be going out that night.

Needless to say my girlfriend and I didn't end up breaking up (about another 30 minutes of conversation after I texted my friend saying I wouldn't be going), and she has apologised for how she's acted lately genuinely. So I hope things are going back on track for us... But I feel really bad seeing how genuinely sorry she was tonight to me and that I was so close to considering going out and (possibly) running the risk of kissing another girl under the mindset that we would be breaking up.

How should I cope with these feelings?

So as a summary:

My girlfriend has been in bad moods lately and not the nicest and wanted to go on a break in which we just didn't talk but were still an item

I was annoyed at her reasons and reckoned we would be breaking up within the next day anyway and considered going out to a party with my friend

Knew the risk that I might end up kissing someone at the party

Girlfriend and I broke up over the phone for about half an hour

Realised how much I would miss my girlfriend and told her that I love her and texted my friend saying I wouldn't be going.

Me and girlfriend talked more and ended up getting back together.


So, am I in the wrong or should I feel at all bad here for being annoyed and wanting to go out for some sort of rebound if I thought we would be breaking up within the next couple of days of the "break"?

Thanks for all of your answers in advance, look forward to hearing your opinions

[basilandthyme]

So, am I in the wrong or should I feel at all bad here for being annoyed and wanting to go out for some sort of rebound if I thought we would be breaking up within the next couple of days of the "break"?

Well, you're not in the wrong because you didn't DO anything wrong. I guess the 'thought police' may pull you up (and you'll probably get the thought police posting to you here) but I won't hold your thoughts against you.

Personally, I take a dim view of people who threaten to break up with us when times are tough. Imagine being married to someone who needed space each time things went a bit pearshaped! Frankly, well balanced people don't push a loving and supportive partner away - nor do they threaten breakups. Instead, they work through their issues WITH their partner. Your girlfriend's behaviour is out of order and you need to chalk it up as a red flag.

I'm glad you're aware that this is her way of handling stress. Now, fast-foward to if you are married and have children. Does her way of handling stress make her a good choice as a partner and mother?

[AnnaMarie99]

Actually I just posted something on this myself... except I made the mistake of kissing someone else. This was about a year ago now, and my boyfriend and I have worked through that, but it could of always been worse.
At least you didn't go that far... it would hurt.... A LOT for everyone...

Emotions are emotions though. I wouldn't feel bad that you FELT that way, but if you did kiss someone, that would be bad.
You probably felt sad, a little lonely overall, and wanted to have someone want you and make you feel good. That is an understandable feeling... but it's how you behave with it that matters. Just watch your feelings and be careful what you actually do. There are healthy and unhealthy ways of working through things...
Hope it all goes well now.
-and hope that helps some...

[michelle23]

You didnt do anything wrong so stop beating yourself up. You were just angry and you had good reason to be. Tell ur gf you will not put up with her threats in future and if she does this again you wont be coming back and MEAN it!!

If you do break up-dont immediately plan a rebound or to kiss someone else. Thats not a healthy way to deal with breakups. You need to be on ur own for awhile when a relationship ends and be in a healthy place emotionally before meeting someone else