Engagement after one year

[hedgehogcatcher]

My current boyfriend (28yr old), and I (20yr old) met as roommates in April (2012). We got along fantastically, did a lot of long road trips and activities together, and eventually started sleeping together. By August, we were officially dating. Just before christmas we decided to get a new place to formally move in together. It made sense since living in the same house already felt so natural. We have a tremendous amount in common and communicate well enough that we have never fought, even over some bigger issues that were quickly resolved.

After he flew me across the country to meet his family (big deal for him to do this), we started discussing marriage. He's very certain he wants to marry me. The idea has certainly grown on me despite not expecting it to be on the table at all a year ago. I'm a little more reluctant. I want to very much- I feel more and more sure- but it feels fast, and I am still pretty young. Really I just want to make sure I want to for all the right reasons. We certainly have talked extensively about what our future would look like together 5 and sometimes even 10 years from now with more "when" than "if," and it sounds pretty good to me!

Furthermore, he's in the average age bracket, with a career and more history, while I have a definite career plan but am not graduating vet school anytime soon... and I'll be 21 by the time the one year mark comes up and he, unless I insist otherwise, wants to propose then. So on his end, it makes a lot of sense and is probably a reasonable amount of time, but on my end it's potentially an issue. I know it's different for everyone, and I do have to take into account that 1 year+ living together is different from a year living apart.

I'm not looking to base my decision on your opinions, but I'd like some food for thought - pros and cons to consider, discussions to have, as well as some advice on how to explain my reasoning to skeptical loved ones. Please don't tell me "yes or no" answers! Those aren't helpful at all. And maybe share your own experiences... I still have time to figure it out, but I'd like to sort through some of the things that make me nervous right now.

Thanks.

[Cerby]

As a 28 year old, I would never consider proposing after a year. Hell, I'm rounding 2 years in my current relationship and there isn't a chance I'll be proposing then either. He is rushing it, no matter the age. The bottom line is that if you don't feel right or ready, then don't go for it. Let him know ahead of time so he doesn't make a fool of himself either with some big scheme where you say no.

There are many things to consider...You're still very much in the honeymoon stage, you were only official 5 months ago, you haven't found the skeletons in each others closets yet. Yes, you're living together, that is great, but I'd ride that out for at LEAST another year, maybe more. There is no rush for marriage, a 28 year old guy isn't anywhere close to reaching the end of his shelf life, so he doesn't need to worry about locking down someone into marriage. There may also be a reason WHY he wants to rush it, but that is just speculation on my part. Ultimately, the reasons you each have aren't as relevant as how you feel. If you're not ready, you're not ready. Do not be bullied or fooled into changing your mind, life decisions need to be made with care.

[kotono]

I agree with Cerby, not only is he rushing it but you are too. I'm not trying to judge but you were sleeping with this guy before you were dating. Then living together. These events were three months apart as well. That is too fast. I'm not seeing your feelings aren't true, but there is really no need to rush something wonderful. You are currently in the part of the relationship that is the "honeymoon period" as well.

Who you are as a person right now will be different in a year or three years.

Live together for more than a year and see how things are. And living together for more than a year is September 2013.